So far...was never so close...
So, I've lost a friend today. Because I informed him of my view on a situation.
I'm sorry but, when you say you have a crush on someone, and you even acknowledge that this person has a disorder like autism, and then you start making fun of him behind his back because you got hurt...I don't think that's funny. I think that's a shitty thing to do.
This friend brags a lot about being "real". Well, I took this matter to a private post between us and he refused to engage conversation, but just silently unfriended me. How "real" is that? Someone has some growing up to do. And if he doesn't do it, then he's going to be very lonely for a long time.
And, for the record, I don't think this person is a loser or a douchebag. He's got some great qualities and I actually do like him and wanted a genuine friendship. But he's shown me that he doesn't respect me, and I'm wasting my time trying to keep a friendship going. So I suppose this is for the better. I invested some energy into him so I'm hurt by this situation. And disappointed. And a little pissed off.
This brings me to bring up some ideas on what I consider being a friend is. I don't like the term "calling you on your bullshit" because I've heard that term from way too many people who exhibit a gross lack of sensitivity and also cannot handle being on the receiving end of it. I don't like the term "tell it like it is" because nobody does. We are all individuals and we tell it according to our individual view.
At the same time, kissing someone's ass all the time isn't a very good friend quality either.
There is a fine line here...it's the path of diplomacy and it's swiftly becoming extinct. You speak your truth. YOUR truth. And you make the effort to let them know that that is how you see it. You take responsibility for your view. I did my best to tell him what I thought of the situation. When these uncomfortable situations come up, I really do try to focus on that balance between what I feel needs to be said, and how to say it so it isn't mean-spirited or degrading. I've failed a few times in the past but I keep note of those failures and try to learn from them.
Retrospectively, I get a feeling this person has never really respected me at all and only tolerated me, even though, after meeting him in person, I liked him and had a lot of respect for him and wanted to continue a real friendship. He's kept me at arm's length and, I think, has been simply waiting for the opportunity to just shove me out completely. And this was it.
So we go our separate ways now. There can't be a friendship if he doesn't want one and won't put any effort into one.
I'm sorry but, when you say you have a crush on someone, and you even acknowledge that this person has a disorder like autism, and then you start making fun of him behind his back because you got hurt...I don't think that's funny. I think that's a shitty thing to do.
This friend brags a lot about being "real". Well, I took this matter to a private post between us and he refused to engage conversation, but just silently unfriended me. How "real" is that? Someone has some growing up to do. And if he doesn't do it, then he's going to be very lonely for a long time.
And, for the record, I don't think this person is a loser or a douchebag. He's got some great qualities and I actually do like him and wanted a genuine friendship. But he's shown me that he doesn't respect me, and I'm wasting my time trying to keep a friendship going. So I suppose this is for the better. I invested some energy into him so I'm hurt by this situation. And disappointed. And a little pissed off.
This brings me to bring up some ideas on what I consider being a friend is. I don't like the term "calling you on your bullshit" because I've heard that term from way too many people who exhibit a gross lack of sensitivity and also cannot handle being on the receiving end of it. I don't like the term "tell it like it is" because nobody does. We are all individuals and we tell it according to our individual view.
At the same time, kissing someone's ass all the time isn't a very good friend quality either.
There is a fine line here...it's the path of diplomacy and it's swiftly becoming extinct. You speak your truth. YOUR truth. And you make the effort to let them know that that is how you see it. You take responsibility for your view. I did my best to tell him what I thought of the situation. When these uncomfortable situations come up, I really do try to focus on that balance between what I feel needs to be said, and how to say it so it isn't mean-spirited or degrading. I've failed a few times in the past but I keep note of those failures and try to learn from them.
Retrospectively, I get a feeling this person has never really respected me at all and only tolerated me, even though, after meeting him in person, I liked him and had a lot of respect for him and wanted to continue a real friendship. He's kept me at arm's length and, I think, has been simply waiting for the opportunity to just shove me out completely. And this was it.
So we go our separate ways now. There can't be a friendship if he doesn't want one and won't put any effort into one.