Always so much to say on the matter
The other night, Chris told me that he wants me to be his girlfriend until the end of his days.
I was delighted, but I facetiously replied: “Girlfriend?!”
He told me that he meant to say his “lady love.”
(“Lady love” was a term I used to refer to myself before either of us said that we loved each other. I think I got it from “The Pineapple Song” in Cabaret. Anyway, that’s what he calls me now, and I sometimes refer to him as my “man love,” but that doesn’t have quite the same ring.)
Things are going well with us, although I did pick a fight with him on Saturday evening before going to meet Caroline for dinner. We were (text) chatting on Skype, so I was able to hold myself back from saying anything too damning. Essentially, I think the text chat gave the conversation a slow motion feel, so I didn’t react as quickly as I otherwise would have.
The argument began because I was nitpicking about World of Warcraft. Seriously. And then this spiraled into lots of whining on my behalf and right before I went into my usual refrain of “this isn’t going to work out,” I stopped myself a la mipplet’s recent post and told myself that if I didn’t want to argue with him, then I wasn’t going to.
But then I realized that I wouldn’t feel satisfied if I didn’t pick this melodramatic fight, so I asked myself what I hoped to accomplish with it-what reaction did I want? And what I wanted was for him to tell me that he loves me. That was all. I wanted to say “this isn’t going to work” and have him say, “Oh, of course it will, baby; I love you; let’s be together forever!” and realizing that neediness, I was able to pull back and stop myself.
And I know this seems juvenile for a number of reasons, but it felt like I was able to call myself out on a counterproductive habit that I haven’t been able to fully understand. I always ask myself, post-argument, why I say some of the things I say. Well, here’s one reason. I just want attention and love. It’s not an earth-shattering revelation, but seeing it as it played out was eye opening. Truly.
Anyway, I don’t remember if I wrote about his visiting me at the end of February or not. He currently has four vacation days to use up before he changes jobs, and he will spend those four days in Prague. He’s trying to squeak out one more and make it a full week. I’ve already told him that I intend to exploit his time in Prague by going to Ikea and then having him stay home in my apartment to receive the delivery (I think Ikea only delivers during my working hours). He’s actually pretty keen on this and said he’d assemble the furniture for me. I certainly don’t require this but think it might be kind of fun to do it together.
So the plan was for my next visit to Vienna to be delayed a week to break up the time, but he told me this weekend that he doesn’t want to wait another week to see me. Thus, he’s trying to come to Prague this weekend. When he told me over the weekend, he said it was more a desire than a certainty because he’s not sure if it’ll fit with his work schedule. He gave it a 10% likelihood.
He called me at work today and changed that to 40-50%. He’ll know by tomorrow. If he makes it here this weekend, then I will go to Vienna for Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day on a Saturday = perfect. I think I may try to make arrangements for us to go somewhere to celebrate. We tend to stay in most of the time when we’re in Vienna and go out in Prague, possibly because I still think I have to entertain him and so I make lots of plans when he is here and he doesn’t feel similarly obligated with me. Regardless of the reason, I think we should do something special for Valentine’s Day and since he would be content to stay in and play World of Warcraft (and I would be too, perhaps), I’ll organize it myself. If he hates the idea, I can always trash it, of course, but it doesn’t hurt to scout something out.
I was delighted, but I facetiously replied: “Girlfriend?!”
He told me that he meant to say his “lady love.”
(“Lady love” was a term I used to refer to myself before either of us said that we loved each other. I think I got it from “The Pineapple Song” in Cabaret. Anyway, that’s what he calls me now, and I sometimes refer to him as my “man love,” but that doesn’t have quite the same ring.)
Things are going well with us, although I did pick a fight with him on Saturday evening before going to meet Caroline for dinner. We were (text) chatting on Skype, so I was able to hold myself back from saying anything too damning. Essentially, I think the text chat gave the conversation a slow motion feel, so I didn’t react as quickly as I otherwise would have.
The argument began because I was nitpicking about World of Warcraft. Seriously. And then this spiraled into lots of whining on my behalf and right before I went into my usual refrain of “this isn’t going to work out,” I stopped myself a la mipplet’s recent post and told myself that if I didn’t want to argue with him, then I wasn’t going to.
But then I realized that I wouldn’t feel satisfied if I didn’t pick this melodramatic fight, so I asked myself what I hoped to accomplish with it-what reaction did I want? And what I wanted was for him to tell me that he loves me. That was all. I wanted to say “this isn’t going to work” and have him say, “Oh, of course it will, baby; I love you; let’s be together forever!” and realizing that neediness, I was able to pull back and stop myself.
And I know this seems juvenile for a number of reasons, but it felt like I was able to call myself out on a counterproductive habit that I haven’t been able to fully understand. I always ask myself, post-argument, why I say some of the things I say. Well, here’s one reason. I just want attention and love. It’s not an earth-shattering revelation, but seeing it as it played out was eye opening. Truly.
Anyway, I don’t remember if I wrote about his visiting me at the end of February or not. He currently has four vacation days to use up before he changes jobs, and he will spend those four days in Prague. He’s trying to squeak out one more and make it a full week. I’ve already told him that I intend to exploit his time in Prague by going to Ikea and then having him stay home in my apartment to receive the delivery (I think Ikea only delivers during my working hours). He’s actually pretty keen on this and said he’d assemble the furniture for me. I certainly don’t require this but think it might be kind of fun to do it together.
So the plan was for my next visit to Vienna to be delayed a week to break up the time, but he told me this weekend that he doesn’t want to wait another week to see me. Thus, he’s trying to come to Prague this weekend. When he told me over the weekend, he said it was more a desire than a certainty because he’s not sure if it’ll fit with his work schedule. He gave it a 10% likelihood.
He called me at work today and changed that to 40-50%. He’ll know by tomorrow. If he makes it here this weekend, then I will go to Vienna for Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day on a Saturday = perfect. I think I may try to make arrangements for us to go somewhere to celebrate. We tend to stay in most of the time when we’re in Vienna and go out in Prague, possibly because I still think I have to entertain him and so I make lots of plans when he is here and he doesn’t feel similarly obligated with me. Regardless of the reason, I think we should do something special for Valentine’s Day and since he would be content to stay in and play World of Warcraft (and I would be too, perhaps), I’ll organize it myself. If he hates the idea, I can always trash it, of course, but it doesn’t hurt to scout something out.