Two Men and Their New Jobs
Chris emailed me today about how he's very optimistic about his new job, how he's been extremely unhappy at his current one (which he began in November, I think), and how he thinks he and I will have no more wrinkles in our relationship when he's happier at work.
Obviously this logic makes sense, but I was dating him when he began his last job, and he was just as optimistic when he started there. That quickly fell apart, leading to his excitement about finding a job in Prague and then to his excitement about finding any job, and then the new job. But for him to be dissatisfied at work and leave so quickly after beginning on much the same note, it's impossible for me to completely get behind him and say, "Yeah, I think this new job will be great!" because, well, I think the same thing will happen.
Part of my skepticism is Dirk's fault. He thought Chris' interest in moving to Prague sounded fishy, and he was sort of right but for the wrong reason. Dirk thought that Chris was angling for a green card by getting closer to me. I knew this was bogus, although contesting it by saying, "No, he loves me and is willing to change his life in drastic ways for us to be together!" was not convincing.
Or accurate.
Chris was just unhappy in his job and when I spoke about my job, he wanted what I had and thought he might be able to get it here. His excitement wore off, and he decided to job hunt where he is comfortable.
I'm not mad about this, because it may change. Or maybe I will change. I have to wait it out.
On another note, I've been spending a fair amount of time with David lately. This is foolish, of course, but there you are. At least his feelings (or lack of them) for me are clear. He pushed and pushed and pushed for me to come over on Friday night, offering to pay my cab ride. Actually I did tell him no, but I went to his apartment on Saturday and we watched a movie on his new projector screen.
We also had some wine and, before I left, he donned a costume that he had rented for a work party and I took a bunch of photos of him with his camera phone. Those'll surely be on Facebook soon if they aren't already.
He invited me over again on Monday, and I went. We watched another movie, but it was a bad choice because, halfway through, it switched to French, and he had to keep pausing and translating for me. I didn't mind this, although I think it was a burden to him. But he's too polite to say so and I was too polite, in a respect, to suggest we try a different movie.
Then he made dinner and licked his plate clean.
One of the things we discussed when I was with him is his desire to leave Prague. He is not happy here and plans to move to Canada after he finishes a year here, which would be at the end of June. In fact, today, he emailed me his application letter to a program in Canada, because I offered to fax it.
After he asked for this service (via mass text message), I waited a couple of hours before responding to him, after my instinct was to respond immediately. I decided that it put me out, and there was no sense in me doing it for him when he could get one of his friends (like the kind of friend he would invite to a party) to do it for him. So my thought was that I would offer but surely someone else would have done so before. But he wrote back immediately to say, "Yes, please!" and I found myself holding his future in my hands.
There is this tiny part of me that considered not sending the fax for him, because of whatever hurtful tendencies I may have, but of course I am true to my word. (Edited: I sent it.)
And it will be good for me to get this man out of Prague and out of my life. Six and a half months, I have known him. In five and a half months, he is gone.
Finally, he posted some photos on Facebook over the holidays of him modeling with a glass of wine (which I thought of over and over again when he was modeling in his costume because it was so Sears Catalog) and I'm tempted to post a few here, but I'm currently not in the mood to gank them off of Facebook. Maybe later.
And since you are probably wondering what Chris thinks of David, I think he hates him or is at least quite jealous. Chris told me that he doesn't like David because he doesn't think that David treated me very well, although I'm not even sure what I told Chris about David to have given this impression. It isn't entirely true. David hurt me, but that's because I was stupid, and not because David is an asshole. Well, maybe on some level.
And what does Chris think of me hanging out with David? Chris thinks that I can do whatever I want. Maybe a part of me is trying to trigger his possessiveness, because he refuses to get jealous about anything. He claims to be too confident and well-rounded, and I doubt this.
But I'm not doing it as a test. I still just kind of like David. I love Chris, and I like David. They are aware of each other's existences; I only have a relationship with one of them; and everyone seems, at least on the surface, to be satisfied.
Obviously this logic makes sense, but I was dating him when he began his last job, and he was just as optimistic when he started there. That quickly fell apart, leading to his excitement about finding a job in Prague and then to his excitement about finding any job, and then the new job. But for him to be dissatisfied at work and leave so quickly after beginning on much the same note, it's impossible for me to completely get behind him and say, "Yeah, I think this new job will be great!" because, well, I think the same thing will happen.
Part of my skepticism is Dirk's fault. He thought Chris' interest in moving to Prague sounded fishy, and he was sort of right but for the wrong reason. Dirk thought that Chris was angling for a green card by getting closer to me. I knew this was bogus, although contesting it by saying, "No, he loves me and is willing to change his life in drastic ways for us to be together!" was not convincing.
Or accurate.
Chris was just unhappy in his job and when I spoke about my job, he wanted what I had and thought he might be able to get it here. His excitement wore off, and he decided to job hunt where he is comfortable.
I'm not mad about this, because it may change. Or maybe I will change. I have to wait it out.
On another note, I've been spending a fair amount of time with David lately. This is foolish, of course, but there you are. At least his feelings (or lack of them) for me are clear. He pushed and pushed and pushed for me to come over on Friday night, offering to pay my cab ride. Actually I did tell him no, but I went to his apartment on Saturday and we watched a movie on his new projector screen.
We also had some wine and, before I left, he donned a costume that he had rented for a work party and I took a bunch of photos of him with his camera phone. Those'll surely be on Facebook soon if they aren't already.
He invited me over again on Monday, and I went. We watched another movie, but it was a bad choice because, halfway through, it switched to French, and he had to keep pausing and translating for me. I didn't mind this, although I think it was a burden to him. But he's too polite to say so and I was too polite, in a respect, to suggest we try a different movie.
Then he made dinner and licked his plate clean.
One of the things we discussed when I was with him is his desire to leave Prague. He is not happy here and plans to move to Canada after he finishes a year here, which would be at the end of June. In fact, today, he emailed me his application letter to a program in Canada, because I offered to fax it.
After he asked for this service (via mass text message), I waited a couple of hours before responding to him, after my instinct was to respond immediately. I decided that it put me out, and there was no sense in me doing it for him when he could get one of his friends (like the kind of friend he would invite to a party) to do it for him. So my thought was that I would offer but surely someone else would have done so before. But he wrote back immediately to say, "Yes, please!" and I found myself holding his future in my hands.
There is this tiny part of me that considered not sending the fax for him, because of whatever hurtful tendencies I may have, but of course I am true to my word. (Edited: I sent it.)
And it will be good for me to get this man out of Prague and out of my life. Six and a half months, I have known him. In five and a half months, he is gone.
Finally, he posted some photos on Facebook over the holidays of him modeling with a glass of wine (which I thought of over and over again when he was modeling in his costume because it was so Sears Catalog) and I'm tempted to post a few here, but I'm currently not in the mood to gank them off of Facebook. Maybe later.
And since you are probably wondering what Chris thinks of David, I think he hates him or is at least quite jealous. Chris told me that he doesn't like David because he doesn't think that David treated me very well, although I'm not even sure what I told Chris about David to have given this impression. It isn't entirely true. David hurt me, but that's because I was stupid, and not because David is an asshole. Well, maybe on some level.
And what does Chris think of me hanging out with David? Chris thinks that I can do whatever I want. Maybe a part of me is trying to trigger his possessiveness, because he refuses to get jealous about anything. He claims to be too confident and well-rounded, and I doubt this.
But I'm not doing it as a test. I still just kind of like David. I love Chris, and I like David. They are aware of each other's existences; I only have a relationship with one of them; and everyone seems, at least on the surface, to be satisfied.