I'm Spent
Today has been emotionally exhausting, and that's largely my own damn fault. The bulk of said emotional exhaustion was the result of my causing an argument (if you can call it that) with Chris. I was being really moody and negative last night, and he didn’t want to talk to me because of it so he signed off of Skype in a huff. I sent him two text messages and called, which is when I discovered that he had turned off his phone, so I moved on to email.
I eventually had to admit to myself that he was not going to answer last night, and I should go to bed. So I did. When I woke up in the morning, I checked to see if he had contacted me, but he had not. So I texted him and then called. No response.
I was very concerned that he was going to break up with me because he had never been so unresponsive before. I also found it difficult to concentrate on other things because I hate having things that are unresolved. I called him again when I got to work, and he didn’t answer but called back immediately. So either he missed picking up in the three rings before his voicemail picked up or he didn’t want me to pay for the call.
And, in a nutshell, everything is fine. He said to me that I “underestimate the stability of our relationship” and that he’s willing to work through things with me. He admitted that he was angry last night but he isn’t now, but I still need to be more positive and work on these things because it’s not fun when I act that way. He’s right about everything, and I’m grateful that he can tolerate my being temperamental, even though I hate it as much as he does.
So: relief, gratitude, adoration. Everything is fine.
But then I noticed that someone I had had a summer fling with had unfriended me on Facebook, so I sent him a message to ask why. He tried to play it off as a systematic cleansing of the people on his friends list that he doesn’t communicate with (anymore), but I know him well enough to know that he does not keep up with well more than half of the other 300 people on his list. Which is to say: bullshit. Besides, this guy also maintains two dummy accounts for some of the Facebook games and I was friends with both of them…until today. So he was systematically cleansing his friends list and the friends lists of these two fake people? I doubt it. Unless he was systematically cleansing them of me.
My guess is that he saw all of the karaoke photos that I added of me and Chris looking happy together, and he decided that our fling was flung and had no hope of revival. So he cast me out of his 300.
Anyway, I sent him a message about it, and he responded. We wrote back and forth a few times and started rehashing our relationship/friendship, which was exhausting. He didn’t think that I ended things in a polite way, to say the least. But I’m not going to rehash it again. Once today was enough. Suffice to say that it was more than I wanted to deal with.
Next was my sister. She had up a Facebook status update about how she’s finished all of her Christmas shopping, and I responded, “Scary!” She wrote back something about all the presents being wrapped and so on, and I made some flippant remark about how she’ll probably end up buying more stuff because she’ll find more things before the 25th. Which is exactly what I would end up doing. And I just meant it to be funny; I can see how it could be misinterpreted, and, of course, it was.
She responded with this, “Sounds like you have an attitude or that you are a little bitter about something. I have no time to shop with kids, school, work, wedding, etc. I won't be buying anything else. If you have nothing nice to comment about then please say nothing. I don't want negativity! I love you all the same!”
So I deleted my comment. I wrote back something about how I hadn’t meant it to sound negative but I didn’t really feel like explaining myself and then I deleted that too. She changed her status to something about how she is annoyed by negative people-why can’t people just be happy for one day!?
I commented on that that she shouldn’t assume the worst and should take things more positively but that it was okay because “I love her anyway!” which was really bitchy of me. She deleted it. Figures. She’ll get over it. I’m not going to bother trying to fix it.
Finally, I had to make a key during my lunch hour for my landlord. There are two main doors to my apartment building and one has a new lock that he didn’t have a copy of. Actually, when I saw him last month, I gave him my spare set of keys and then I had to make a copy of this key for him. Why? Why the fuck am I making copies of keys for my landlord? How in the hell is that my responsibility? Will he reimburse me for this service? I doubt it.
If nothing else, it was a pain in the ass to find a place that would make the key. I went to one key maker who wouldn’t even do it. He looked at the key and decided it wasn’t possible and I was briefly irritated that my landlord asked the one non-native Czech in the building to do his bidding. That makes absolutely no sense. Or am I missing something?
Anyway, I have the damn key now to give to him. So everything is settled: Chris and I are in love and good; the fling has unfriended me but it may be for the best because I don’t need drama; my sister is peeved at me but she’ll get over it; I have the fucking key for my lazy landlord. I am, however, really goddamn exhausted.
I eventually had to admit to myself that he was not going to answer last night, and I should go to bed. So I did. When I woke up in the morning, I checked to see if he had contacted me, but he had not. So I texted him and then called. No response.
I was very concerned that he was going to break up with me because he had never been so unresponsive before. I also found it difficult to concentrate on other things because I hate having things that are unresolved. I called him again when I got to work, and he didn’t answer but called back immediately. So either he missed picking up in the three rings before his voicemail picked up or he didn’t want me to pay for the call.
And, in a nutshell, everything is fine. He said to me that I “underestimate the stability of our relationship” and that he’s willing to work through things with me. He admitted that he was angry last night but he isn’t now, but I still need to be more positive and work on these things because it’s not fun when I act that way. He’s right about everything, and I’m grateful that he can tolerate my being temperamental, even though I hate it as much as he does.
So: relief, gratitude, adoration. Everything is fine.
But then I noticed that someone I had had a summer fling with had unfriended me on Facebook, so I sent him a message to ask why. He tried to play it off as a systematic cleansing of the people on his friends list that he doesn’t communicate with (anymore), but I know him well enough to know that he does not keep up with well more than half of the other 300 people on his list. Which is to say: bullshit. Besides, this guy also maintains two dummy accounts for some of the Facebook games and I was friends with both of them…until today. So he was systematically cleansing his friends list and the friends lists of these two fake people? I doubt it. Unless he was systematically cleansing them of me.
My guess is that he saw all of the karaoke photos that I added of me and Chris looking happy together, and he decided that our fling was flung and had no hope of revival. So he cast me out of his 300.
Anyway, I sent him a message about it, and he responded. We wrote back and forth a few times and started rehashing our relationship/friendship, which was exhausting. He didn’t think that I ended things in a polite way, to say the least. But I’m not going to rehash it again. Once today was enough. Suffice to say that it was more than I wanted to deal with.
Next was my sister. She had up a Facebook status update about how she’s finished all of her Christmas shopping, and I responded, “Scary!” She wrote back something about all the presents being wrapped and so on, and I made some flippant remark about how she’ll probably end up buying more stuff because she’ll find more things before the 25th. Which is exactly what I would end up doing. And I just meant it to be funny; I can see how it could be misinterpreted, and, of course, it was.
She responded with this, “Sounds like you have an attitude or that you are a little bitter about something. I have no time to shop with kids, school, work, wedding, etc. I won't be buying anything else. If you have nothing nice to comment about then please say nothing. I don't want negativity! I love you all the same!”
So I deleted my comment. I wrote back something about how I hadn’t meant it to sound negative but I didn’t really feel like explaining myself and then I deleted that too. She changed her status to something about how she is annoyed by negative people-why can’t people just be happy for one day!?
I commented on that that she shouldn’t assume the worst and should take things more positively but that it was okay because “I love her anyway!” which was really bitchy of me. She deleted it. Figures. She’ll get over it. I’m not going to bother trying to fix it.
Finally, I had to make a key during my lunch hour for my landlord. There are two main doors to my apartment building and one has a new lock that he didn’t have a copy of. Actually, when I saw him last month, I gave him my spare set of keys and then I had to make a copy of this key for him. Why? Why the fuck am I making copies of keys for my landlord? How in the hell is that my responsibility? Will he reimburse me for this service? I doubt it.
If nothing else, it was a pain in the ass to find a place that would make the key. I went to one key maker who wouldn’t even do it. He looked at the key and decided it wasn’t possible and I was briefly irritated that my landlord asked the one non-native Czech in the building to do his bidding. That makes absolutely no sense. Or am I missing something?
Anyway, I have the damn key now to give to him. So everything is settled: Chris and I are in love and good; the fling has unfriended me but it may be for the best because I don’t need drama; my sister is peeved at me but she’ll get over it; I have the fucking key for my lazy landlord. I am, however, really goddamn exhausted.