Retarded
This morning, in the span of less than ten minutes, I heard two different coworkers refer to two completely different entities as "retarded." It caught me by surprise, because I have a strange sensitivity to this word, thanks to my friend Amy's involvement with Fragile X research and awareness. Her brother has Fragile X, and so it is a topic that is near and dear to her heart.
My understanding of the disease is limited, unfortunately, but I'll never forget her reaction to hearing someone remark that a classmate looked like he rode the "short bus" to school. Since then, I have tried not to use such humor or the word "retarded," much as I refuse to ever refer to something as "gay" when I mean to say "stupid" or "lame."
Earlier this week, Amy called me while I was walking home from work. She said that she was really tired, and, perhaps because of this, she wasn't very talkative. I tried to make conversation by asking her what she thought of giving panhandlers money (someone had asked me to spare some change at that very moment plus Amy worked with the homeless her first year out of college).
Somehow this transitioned into my telling her the story of the $40 man, which is a story I can't seem to tell without saying multiple times, "I'm so stupid" and "what was I thinking?" With this particular telling, I decided to throw in the thought that "I'm just so socially inept"--only, I didn't say "inept."
…Yes, I said "retarded," and the silence that followed seemed to last forever. I knew almost immediately what I had done and tried to cram the word back into my mouth. Alas, it was too late.
"Oh, Amy, I'm so sorry. You're never going to want to be my friend again!" I said.
I don't recall how she answered me, perhaps because I was so embarrassed. But, once again, I seem to have done something that could be conceived as unforgivable. Granted, I think it was an honest mistake and she seemed willing to let it go. Still, I would understand if she couldn't be my friend after saying that.
I wonder why it is that I think so many of my recent actions justify people abandoning me. Either I am a terrible person or I've got to stop second guessing myself.
My understanding of the disease is limited, unfortunately, but I'll never forget her reaction to hearing someone remark that a classmate looked like he rode the "short bus" to school. Since then, I have tried not to use such humor or the word "retarded," much as I refuse to ever refer to something as "gay" when I mean to say "stupid" or "lame."
Earlier this week, Amy called me while I was walking home from work. She said that she was really tired, and, perhaps because of this, she wasn't very talkative. I tried to make conversation by asking her what she thought of giving panhandlers money (someone had asked me to spare some change at that very moment plus Amy worked with the homeless her first year out of college).
Somehow this transitioned into my telling her the story of the $40 man, which is a story I can't seem to tell without saying multiple times, "I'm so stupid" and "what was I thinking?" With this particular telling, I decided to throw in the thought that "I'm just so socially inept"--only, I didn't say "inept."
…Yes, I said "retarded," and the silence that followed seemed to last forever. I knew almost immediately what I had done and tried to cram the word back into my mouth. Alas, it was too late.
"Oh, Amy, I'm so sorry. You're never going to want to be my friend again!" I said.
I don't recall how she answered me, perhaps because I was so embarrassed. But, once again, I seem to have done something that could be conceived as unforgivable. Granted, I think it was an honest mistake and she seemed willing to let it go. Still, I would understand if she couldn't be my friend after saying that.
I wonder why it is that I think so many of my recent actions justify people abandoning me. Either I am a terrible person or I've got to stop second guessing myself.