Aching from rejection
There is this dog, her name is Nibbles. She was sent to a kill shelter because no one wanted her. She was rescued by some unknown man who gave her to Nora. Nora gave her to me because she didn't want her either. So now I have Nibbles. A small 10 lb Schnauzer/Poodle mix who seems inspire words of promise, hope and love in everyone she meets. But words are never enough and promises don't seem to ever be kept. And so my heart is breaking for this poor wonderful dog who nobody wants and who I can't keep. Does that make me just as bad? Just as guilty?
If she knew, her heart would break. Break more than it has thus far because you see, she has heartworms. Heartworms that she didn't ask for but is being punished and tossed aside for having. No one wants a dog with heartworms. I guess its worse than AIDS. It's easy to ignore the fact that she's being treated, is healthy, and is an overall wonderful dog.
I guess its hard to look past those worms and into her beautiful brown eyes and say "It's ok, I love you anways."
What am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to go from here? You can't save them all. That's what edgar told me when I found out and wanted to treat her, despite its costs. He's right though, I can't. I'm not asking to save all the animals. I'm only asking to save one. Her. I don't understand why that's asking so much.
There was a woman. Her constant e-mails, in person visit, everything promised a potentially wonderful and amazing new home for Nibbles. But not even she offered Nibbles that said home. Her rejection came this morning via e-mail with a regretfull, "I cannot take her," but with another promise that if Nibbles didn't find a home after awhile, that the husband would be brought over to meet her.
All these promises for what? For my own personal deceit? So I can feel better that she doesn't want my dog, but maybe will one day far off into the imaginary future that she has with this dog?
Needless to say, I ended communication with her, telling her that her continued monitoring of Nibbles progress was unneccessary as I am determined to find her a wonderful home no matter what a takes and am not blind to the fact that this woman only offers false hope.
So now it begins anew. With close to 10 rejections, the only other place to go is up... or so it's been said. I don't feel this optimism. I don't feel anything right now but sadness. Heart ache and dissapointment. Not even a glimmer of hope is left. Dramatic as that may sound.
Strangely enough, I want to go to church and pray. Be at peace and numb to everything as I did that time I went 2 weeks ago. Maybe I will go, but whose to say I will. We're all full of false promises...
If she knew, her heart would break. Break more than it has thus far because you see, she has heartworms. Heartworms that she didn't ask for but is being punished and tossed aside for having. No one wants a dog with heartworms. I guess its worse than AIDS. It's easy to ignore the fact that she's being treated, is healthy, and is an overall wonderful dog.
I guess its hard to look past those worms and into her beautiful brown eyes and say "It's ok, I love you anways."
What am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to go from here? You can't save them all. That's what edgar told me when I found out and wanted to treat her, despite its costs. He's right though, I can't. I'm not asking to save all the animals. I'm only asking to save one. Her. I don't understand why that's asking so much.
There was a woman. Her constant e-mails, in person visit, everything promised a potentially wonderful and amazing new home for Nibbles. But not even she offered Nibbles that said home. Her rejection came this morning via e-mail with a regretfull, "I cannot take her," but with another promise that if Nibbles didn't find a home after awhile, that the husband would be brought over to meet her.
All these promises for what? For my own personal deceit? So I can feel better that she doesn't want my dog, but maybe will one day far off into the imaginary future that she has with this dog?
Needless to say, I ended communication with her, telling her that her continued monitoring of Nibbles progress was unneccessary as I am determined to find her a wonderful home no matter what a takes and am not blind to the fact that this woman only offers false hope.
So now it begins anew. With close to 10 rejections, the only other place to go is up... or so it's been said. I don't feel this optimism. I don't feel anything right now but sadness. Heart ache and dissapointment. Not even a glimmer of hope is left. Dramatic as that may sound.
Strangely enough, I want to go to church and pray. Be at peace and numb to everything as I did that time I went 2 weeks ago. Maybe I will go, but whose to say I will. We're all full of false promises...