Fuck My Life.
it is just amazing how in one day my life went from being great to being fucked all to hell.
I do not understand how I can make my two best friends mad at me in the course of one week. Seriously. I have no idea. All I know is my life is fucking hard as shit right now and I don't need this bullshit.
Ah a little background so you all can understand:
Unemployment hasn't paid me in over a month. I'm not sure if they are ever going to pay me again. Which totally fucks up my plans for the next few months because it means I need to get more hours at work. Right now I'm doing an internship 15 hours a week, working 15 hours a week and doing school/homework about 19 hours a week. to make enough to cover my bills I'd have to work 25+ hours a week. I do not have time for that.
Now I have one friend mad at me and she won't tell me why.
Now I think another is mad at me because I had a fucking meltdown last night and said I couldn't meet her at the mall. Would you want to look for clothes to wear to your boyfriend's Thanksgiving with someone who is wallowing in their own shit? I know I wouldn't. I texted her when I got out of class but she never responded. I apologized but she still hasn't gotten back to me. This shit is fucking ridiculous.
"What is your encore? Do you anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank?"
:::sigh:::
The only upside. I realized what an amazing boyfriend I have last night. I called him crying after I tried to get a hold of my friend for the fourth time and he told me to come right over. I got inside and he gave me the best hug ever. Then he rubbed my back and listened while I told him what was going on. He was comforting while being real about what was going on. He said they were mad so apparently, in their eyes, I'd done something wrong and that they would tell me eventually, we would make up, and everything would go back to normal. "If they want to lose your friendship over something like this then they were never your friends to start out with." Which I totally agree with.
I'm still really heartbroken though. One of these girls I've known for over a decade and she is my best friend. I really don't understand any of this. I mean if I don't even know what I did wrong it can't be something that horrible - can it?
I'm trying hard not to get really pissed off at the situation and just say "fuck it and fuck you." I realize that not everyone is like me when they are mad. When I'm mad I tell someone why immediately because that is the only way I think you can solve the problem. I guess some people just - - don't.
I do not understand how I can make my two best friends mad at me in the course of one week. Seriously. I have no idea. All I know is my life is fucking hard as shit right now and I don't need this bullshit.
Ah a little background so you all can understand:
Unemployment hasn't paid me in over a month. I'm not sure if they are ever going to pay me again. Which totally fucks up my plans for the next few months because it means I need to get more hours at work. Right now I'm doing an internship 15 hours a week, working 15 hours a week and doing school/homework about 19 hours a week. to make enough to cover my bills I'd have to work 25+ hours a week. I do not have time for that.
Now I have one friend mad at me and she won't tell me why.
Now I think another is mad at me because I had a fucking meltdown last night and said I couldn't meet her at the mall. Would you want to look for clothes to wear to your boyfriend's Thanksgiving with someone who is wallowing in their own shit? I know I wouldn't. I texted her when I got out of class but she never responded. I apologized but she still hasn't gotten back to me. This shit is fucking ridiculous.
"What is your encore? Do you anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank?"
:::sigh:::
The only upside. I realized what an amazing boyfriend I have last night. I called him crying after I tried to get a hold of my friend for the fourth time and he told me to come right over. I got inside and he gave me the best hug ever. Then he rubbed my back and listened while I told him what was going on. He was comforting while being real about what was going on. He said they were mad so apparently, in their eyes, I'd done something wrong and that they would tell me eventually, we would make up, and everything would go back to normal. "If they want to lose your friendship over something like this then they were never your friends to start out with." Which I totally agree with.
I'm still really heartbroken though. One of these girls I've known for over a decade and she is my best friend. I really don't understand any of this. I mean if I don't even know what I did wrong it can't be something that horrible - can it?
I'm trying hard not to get really pissed off at the situation and just say "fuck it and fuck you." I realize that not everyone is like me when they are mad. When I'm mad I tell someone why immediately because that is the only way I think you can solve the problem. I guess some people just - - don't.