A Couple Days Old, But Still...DAMN!
Honestly, I’m shocked. I’m amazed at what can happen in one person’s life in only 36 hours. My world, my entire world, has literally been turned upside down in the past 36 hours. Shocking, but true. But for those of you keeping score at home, I’ll start at the beginning.
Monday:
Started normally enough, with the exception of me thinking I was finally able to be around Abby without having all these mixed feelings and troubled thoughts. So, we decided to try to hang out. Major bust. Sitting only 3 feet away, we might as well have been on separate planets. Having a “conversation” was more like hearing the adults off the Charlie Brown cartoons. So, thinking we could go somewhere a little more private and possibly have an ACTUAL conversation, I offer up going somewhere to talk. She would’ve rather gone to Chris’ house to finish watching “Layer Cake”, which she started watching last Saturday, when she blew me off again…for him. Well, to be fair, those plans were already set, I just tried to interject, so that’s not really fair of me to say. Anyway, I go to Nick’s house, we watch some TV, and then head over to bid Wendy and Dominique a safe drive to Texas. Somewhere in between all this, Abby calls me, wondering if it’d be okay for her to call me later so we can actually talk. Fine by me, and we set a time (10:00). So, I’m socializing, I’m hanging out with my friends, and I notice we’re nearing the time for the phone call. Taking my leave, I head home, talk with my mom and cousin for a little bit, and my phone rings. Bear in mind, it’s 10:15 at this point. Expecting it to be Abby, I flip open my phone, only to find that it’s my dearest Becky Big Boobs. We talk for a few, and then I head downstairs, thinking I’ll waste a little time waiting for the phone call by partaking in the crack that is MySpace. So 10:30 rolls around…and then 11:00...and then 11:30, and still, nothing. No text, no call, no anything. So I text her telling her not to worry about it, we’ll talk later, because at this point, I’ve gotten a little steamed that I’ve been blown off. She sends me a text: “I’ll call in a few.” So, I go to my bed, get all comfy-cozy, and still, no call.
Tuesday:
12:15 AM rolls around, and I get a phone call. Needless to say, it started off really ugly. Turns out I was blown off, for the ACTUAL second time, on account of Chris. So, once I calm down enough, I tell her “You wanted to talk, so let’s talk.” Apparently, “talking” meant me trying to have an actual conversation with her while she fell asleep on the phone, multiple times. Once I finally get her to wake up, we have a conversation, and somehow, I’m still not exactly sure how it happened, but I end up at her apartment, sharing the bed with her. The entire time I’m there, I can hear Caine (see previous blog for info on him) saying, “WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!” Almost fled a couple times, but ended up staying the whole night. So now we’re at 8:00, when she had to get up for work. Still kinda a blur, but I leave, extremely steamed, once again, on account of WHOM? That’s right, Chris. So I get home, drink some milk to compensate for the lack of food in my stomach that doesn’t seem to be getting decreased by much. This is when I decide, I need to do something: I need to go and seek the wisdom of the all-knowing, more-of-a-father-to-me-than-my-own-dad, Dan Campbell. Send him a last minute e-mail telling him I’m going to stop by, but if he’s busy, not to sweat it. I’d love to talk to him, but if he’s already busy, I totally understand. So I get back into the halls of good ol’ West High, head up to his classroom, and it’s locked. Knock a few times, wait a few, and then decide that I’ll try later. So I head over to Jen Hamlin’s room, and get to talk to her for a little bit. Found out she’s now a proud mother of a very beautiful 13-week-old baby girl (who also has a very strange name…I always think Tehvya from “Fiddler On The Roof’ when I try to remember it, but I know that’s not right). She’s always been a good confidant of mine, so I talk to her a little about the situation at hand, figuring I can get all the outside opinions I can use. She understands, and she told me, her 20 year old sister is coming up on her one year wedding anniversary, and she doesn’t see the relationship lasting. I took that into account as I made my way back over to Dan’s room when the lunch bell rang. Thank whatever divine being put him there, available to talk to me, because that man has always had an ability to get me centered, to bring me back to reality (no matter how ugly it might be), and get me focused on what I really should be doing. We talk for a little bit, he wants to know the crib-notes version of what’s going on. So I give him a brief synopsis, and he told me exactly what I knew he was going to say. The thing is, even when I know what he’s going to say, it makes it that much stronger to ACTUALLY hear him say it. “You have to say goodbye, love you lots, it’s been wonderful, and call me when you grow up.” The magnificence of that man is mind-boggling. However, another statement was made that shook the shit out of my snow globe:
Dan: “I’m in a similar situation right now, myself.”
Me: “What do you mean?”
Dan: “What do you think I mean?”
Me: “…Are you getting divorced?”
Dan Campbell, married 26 years, is getting divorced. I really don’t think anybody in this world can fathom how shocked I am by this. Literally, jaw on the floor, speechless. I told him in 4 months, he and I are gonna go get some drinks. He, being the smartass that he always is, said, “Only if they have Root Beer.” But back to the subject at hand. The most interesting part about all of this is: I view myself as very similar to Dan when I get older, not only because I admire who he is as a person, but because we’ve always had a very similar view on life and all that jazz. The reasons behind his divorce, are damn near identical to the issues Abby and I had been having our entire relationship. Thought it interesting.
So, all in all, my world has been altered. I feel like my life is a mirror, and somebody just chucked two really big bricks into it. It’s not shattered, by any means, but it is changed. It isn’t pretty, it’s a bit of a mess right now, and it’s going to take time to fix it. I’ve taken an outside perspective of all the things that have happened between Abby and I, and I gotta say, I’m out. I’m done, I’m through, I don’t have to put myself through this agonizing bullshit anymore. I put up with more than any sane person ever would have, because I was blinded by my love. I went to her apartment last night and slept with her in my arms, thinking we might have had some chance of remedying this whole messy situation (with time of course), but I was wrong. Caine has been right all along, and now he’s got the backing support of the most intelligent man I know. So it’s time for me to leave it behind. Stop dying a slow death of loneliness, and let myself be happy, even if it’s without her. Judging by her MySpace page and what I discovered in it…I think we’re both probably on the same track.
Abby, I’m sure you’ll probably read this, possibly even have something to say about it, but either way: Goodbye, love you lots, it was wonderful (for the most part), and good luck.
Monday:
Started normally enough, with the exception of me thinking I was finally able to be around Abby without having all these mixed feelings and troubled thoughts. So, we decided to try to hang out. Major bust. Sitting only 3 feet away, we might as well have been on separate planets. Having a “conversation” was more like hearing the adults off the Charlie Brown cartoons. So, thinking we could go somewhere a little more private and possibly have an ACTUAL conversation, I offer up going somewhere to talk. She would’ve rather gone to Chris’ house to finish watching “Layer Cake”, which she started watching last Saturday, when she blew me off again…for him. Well, to be fair, those plans were already set, I just tried to interject, so that’s not really fair of me to say. Anyway, I go to Nick’s house, we watch some TV, and then head over to bid Wendy and Dominique a safe drive to Texas. Somewhere in between all this, Abby calls me, wondering if it’d be okay for her to call me later so we can actually talk. Fine by me, and we set a time (10:00). So, I’m socializing, I’m hanging out with my friends, and I notice we’re nearing the time for the phone call. Taking my leave, I head home, talk with my mom and cousin for a little bit, and my phone rings. Bear in mind, it’s 10:15 at this point. Expecting it to be Abby, I flip open my phone, only to find that it’s my dearest Becky Big Boobs. We talk for a few, and then I head downstairs, thinking I’ll waste a little time waiting for the phone call by partaking in the crack that is MySpace. So 10:30 rolls around…and then 11:00...and then 11:30, and still, nothing. No text, no call, no anything. So I text her telling her not to worry about it, we’ll talk later, because at this point, I’ve gotten a little steamed that I’ve been blown off. She sends me a text: “I’ll call in a few.” So, I go to my bed, get all comfy-cozy, and still, no call.
Tuesday:
12:15 AM rolls around, and I get a phone call. Needless to say, it started off really ugly. Turns out I was blown off, for the ACTUAL second time, on account of Chris. So, once I calm down enough, I tell her “You wanted to talk, so let’s talk.” Apparently, “talking” meant me trying to have an actual conversation with her while she fell asleep on the phone, multiple times. Once I finally get her to wake up, we have a conversation, and somehow, I’m still not exactly sure how it happened, but I end up at her apartment, sharing the bed with her. The entire time I’m there, I can hear Caine (see previous blog for info on him) saying, “WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!” Almost fled a couple times, but ended up staying the whole night. So now we’re at 8:00, when she had to get up for work. Still kinda a blur, but I leave, extremely steamed, once again, on account of WHOM? That’s right, Chris. So I get home, drink some milk to compensate for the lack of food in my stomach that doesn’t seem to be getting decreased by much. This is when I decide, I need to do something: I need to go and seek the wisdom of the all-knowing, more-of-a-father-to-me-than-my-own-dad, Dan Campbell. Send him a last minute e-mail telling him I’m going to stop by, but if he’s busy, not to sweat it. I’d love to talk to him, but if he’s already busy, I totally understand. So I get back into the halls of good ol’ West High, head up to his classroom, and it’s locked. Knock a few times, wait a few, and then decide that I’ll try later. So I head over to Jen Hamlin’s room, and get to talk to her for a little bit. Found out she’s now a proud mother of a very beautiful 13-week-old baby girl (who also has a very strange name…I always think Tehvya from “Fiddler On The Roof’ when I try to remember it, but I know that’s not right). She’s always been a good confidant of mine, so I talk to her a little about the situation at hand, figuring I can get all the outside opinions I can use. She understands, and she told me, her 20 year old sister is coming up on her one year wedding anniversary, and she doesn’t see the relationship lasting. I took that into account as I made my way back over to Dan’s room when the lunch bell rang. Thank whatever divine being put him there, available to talk to me, because that man has always had an ability to get me centered, to bring me back to reality (no matter how ugly it might be), and get me focused on what I really should be doing. We talk for a little bit, he wants to know the crib-notes version of what’s going on. So I give him a brief synopsis, and he told me exactly what I knew he was going to say. The thing is, even when I know what he’s going to say, it makes it that much stronger to ACTUALLY hear him say it. “You have to say goodbye, love you lots, it’s been wonderful, and call me when you grow up.” The magnificence of that man is mind-boggling. However, another statement was made that shook the shit out of my snow globe:
Dan: “I’m in a similar situation right now, myself.”
Me: “What do you mean?”
Dan: “What do you think I mean?”
Me: “…Are you getting divorced?”
Dan Campbell, married 26 years, is getting divorced. I really don’t think anybody in this world can fathom how shocked I am by this. Literally, jaw on the floor, speechless. I told him in 4 months, he and I are gonna go get some drinks. He, being the smartass that he always is, said, “Only if they have Root Beer.” But back to the subject at hand. The most interesting part about all of this is: I view myself as very similar to Dan when I get older, not only because I admire who he is as a person, but because we’ve always had a very similar view on life and all that jazz. The reasons behind his divorce, are damn near identical to the issues Abby and I had been having our entire relationship. Thought it interesting.
So, all in all, my world has been altered. I feel like my life is a mirror, and somebody just chucked two really big bricks into it. It’s not shattered, by any means, but it is changed. It isn’t pretty, it’s a bit of a mess right now, and it’s going to take time to fix it. I’ve taken an outside perspective of all the things that have happened between Abby and I, and I gotta say, I’m out. I’m done, I’m through, I don’t have to put myself through this agonizing bullshit anymore. I put up with more than any sane person ever would have, because I was blinded by my love. I went to her apartment last night and slept with her in my arms, thinking we might have had some chance of remedying this whole messy situation (with time of course), but I was wrong. Caine has been right all along, and now he’s got the backing support of the most intelligent man I know. So it’s time for me to leave it behind. Stop dying a slow death of loneliness, and let myself be happy, even if it’s without her. Judging by her MySpace page and what I discovered in it…I think we’re both probably on the same track.
Abby, I’m sure you’ll probably read this, possibly even have something to say about it, but either way: Goodbye, love you lots, it was wonderful (for the most part), and good luck.