"with every sad story...."
so i've tried to update the last few days [nights] and i'll get to about half way through a thought and then i find myself dozing off. Sadly to say, these MIND BLOWING EPIPHANIES are lost to the subconscious until something provokes me to regurgitate them.
during my breaks at work, i'm keeping those mind muscles flexin. Lately i've been reading Sex Drugs and Cocoa Puffs, a book pretty much giving a biased analysis of Pop Culture and the influences on the American psyche [Reality Tv, NBA rivalries, Hollywood Love, etc.]
i like to read. or, i like to read about someone elses thoughts. i first came to the conclusion when i read High Fedility. for me to be really interested in a book, i have to know what the main character is thinking. to be honest, i saw the movie 1st, so that might have had some influence but when i read the book, i couldnt but it down. last summer i had made a goal that i would read at least one book over the break. well i had about 3 wks left of my summer "vacation" and this goal was still in being put off. Finally i threw myself into the paper back prison and when i finally finished, i didnt want to leave. my obsession for books that give me the pains and doubts of the protagonist. what they feel. i feel in real life.
There's reassurance in the these made up characters because somehow they sorta think like me.
the thought process:
ppl dont understand me,
she's THE idiot
why am i lonely all the damn time
she pushed me away
maybe i pushed too hard?
i'll be alright.
how long will can i fake it
i messed up again
is this self-pity?
where did i go wrong? can i save myself?
self fulfilling prophechy.... i made myself the victim.
in terms of music, they find themselves loathing over every sad song and creating a playlist for the occasion only to make them feel even worse. with every sad story there's a soundtrack bleeding to be played. my deepest secrets can be found in between the rough edges and cold trenches of each song i play in my head.
:Sea Anemone
:Twlight
:Empty Picture Frame
:The Poison
:Fever Dream
:Your Legs Grow
:9 Crimes
:Driftwood-A Fairy Tale
there's not many traits that i can say "despite it leading to my downfall, i appreciate it still". but my stubborness goes against everything that i would like to change about myself. most of the time it blinds me to where i justify a lot of the stupid things i say. i view it as my only line of defense because i'm TOO honest. and what i've found about being too honest is that it leaves ya vulnerable for interpretation, often at times misunderstandings. the only great thing about me being stubborn is that i'm not a COMPLETE moron. if i'm able to sit and think about what i'm doing, i eventually realize where i've been wrong and the stubborness fades. i'm not all-knowing. i'm definately far from perfect. but all i really want is to do the best i can and make the best decision. and when i mess up. i'll own up to it... sooner or later. and i want to make things right after i do someone wrong.
during my breaks at work, i'm keeping those mind muscles flexin. Lately i've been reading Sex Drugs and Cocoa Puffs, a book pretty much giving a biased analysis of Pop Culture and the influences on the American psyche [Reality Tv, NBA rivalries, Hollywood Love, etc.]
i like to read. or, i like to read about someone elses thoughts. i first came to the conclusion when i read High Fedility. for me to be really interested in a book, i have to know what the main character is thinking. to be honest, i saw the movie 1st, so that might have had some influence but when i read the book, i couldnt but it down. last summer i had made a goal that i would read at least one book over the break. well i had about 3 wks left of my summer "vacation" and this goal was still in being put off. Finally i threw myself into the paper back prison and when i finally finished, i didnt want to leave. my obsession for books that give me the pains and doubts of the protagonist. what they feel. i feel in real life.
There's reassurance in the these made up characters because somehow they sorta think like me.
the thought process:
ppl dont understand me,
she's THE idiot
why am i lonely all the damn time
she pushed me away
maybe i pushed too hard?
i'll be alright.
how long will can i fake it
i messed up again
is this self-pity?
where did i go wrong? can i save myself?
self fulfilling prophechy.... i made myself the victim.
in terms of music, they find themselves loathing over every sad song and creating a playlist for the occasion only to make them feel even worse. with every sad story there's a soundtrack bleeding to be played. my deepest secrets can be found in between the rough edges and cold trenches of each song i play in my head.
:Sea Anemone
:Twlight
:Empty Picture Frame
:The Poison
:Fever Dream
:Your Legs Grow
:9 Crimes
:Driftwood-A Fairy Tale
there's not many traits that i can say "despite it leading to my downfall, i appreciate it still". but my stubborness goes against everything that i would like to change about myself. most of the time it blinds me to where i justify a lot of the stupid things i say. i view it as my only line of defense because i'm TOO honest. and what i've found about being too honest is that it leaves ya vulnerable for interpretation, often at times misunderstandings. the only great thing about me being stubborn is that i'm not a COMPLETE moron. if i'm able to sit and think about what i'm doing, i eventually realize where i've been wrong and the stubborness fades. i'm not all-knowing. i'm definately far from perfect. but all i really want is to do the best i can and make the best decision. and when i mess up. i'll own up to it... sooner or later. and i want to make things right after i do someone wrong.