like ink pierced against my ribs
sickness on saturday.
i was saved twice, on the same day. by the same person.
i like to hang out. enjoy beer. throwing back a bottle of some kind of harsh alcohol not because of its taste but bc of how warm it makes me feel and how it slows down all of these thoughts and worries i have.
thats how my live appears to be each semester. things start off great. i start off well at the top of the hill. i build a nice moment, while i can still breath easily and enjoy things. but as i keep rolling on, things start moving faster and to keep up with the pace i'm traveling i choose not to take a few breathes, before i know it i'm light headed and falling violently down hill.
life just needs to slow down.
i need to slow down.
tolerance isnt always a good thing. the only consilation for high tolerance is the numbness to what SHOULD actually be hurting you. i need to grow up. eventually.
reality check to the face friday night [saturday morning at 4am].
i never get emotional when i drink.
well, never have i had the chance to get emotional. my problems lay hidden deep beneath my skin, past my heart and tucked away in a fragil vase. it would be easy to break if you could just get passed all the other crap i've placed in front of it.
jokes
smiles
laughing
caring
good times
pretending
faking
loving
all of these are walls. but you would never guess.
i was saved twice. she came to my rescue. i made the drive. twice. haha and called it a night knowing someone cared right by me.
my body hates it think i can hang out way late into the night. saturday's sickness was a long over due reminder that i need to sleep more. well it caught up with me. and she was there every step of the way.
i remember being wrapped up in several shirts, a hoodie, and my sweet ass robe. with all of these layers my body felt as if there was freezing water being pumped thru my viens, like i was storing ice trays in my chest and a glacier beneath my skin. and there i laid. pathetic and not asking or wanting anyone to help me.
she ignored my stupidity. she stayed until i fell asleep.
i dont know what to say about that.
i yelled "someone tell me that they love me.... TELL ME YOU LOVE ME"
i hear it once a week from my dad, every other conversation when i talk to him and my mom gets on the phone....
there has to be another love out there. she cares about me. i know she does. and i'm so grateful. and undeserving.
she saved me twice. once when i needed it and was begging. and once when i didnt ask for it, and tried my own way.
i'm just lucky. and i guess you can say i'm loved.
i was saved twice, on the same day. by the same person.
i like to hang out. enjoy beer. throwing back a bottle of some kind of harsh alcohol not because of its taste but bc of how warm it makes me feel and how it slows down all of these thoughts and worries i have.
thats how my live appears to be each semester. things start off great. i start off well at the top of the hill. i build a nice moment, while i can still breath easily and enjoy things. but as i keep rolling on, things start moving faster and to keep up with the pace i'm traveling i choose not to take a few breathes, before i know it i'm light headed and falling violently down hill.
life just needs to slow down.
i need to slow down.
tolerance isnt always a good thing. the only consilation for high tolerance is the numbness to what SHOULD actually be hurting you. i need to grow up. eventually.
reality check to the face friday night [saturday morning at 4am].
i never get emotional when i drink.
well, never have i had the chance to get emotional. my problems lay hidden deep beneath my skin, past my heart and tucked away in a fragil vase. it would be easy to break if you could just get passed all the other crap i've placed in front of it.
jokes
smiles
laughing
caring
good times
pretending
faking
loving
all of these are walls. but you would never guess.
i was saved twice. she came to my rescue. i made the drive. twice. haha and called it a night knowing someone cared right by me.
my body hates it think i can hang out way late into the night. saturday's sickness was a long over due reminder that i need to sleep more. well it caught up with me. and she was there every step of the way.
i remember being wrapped up in several shirts, a hoodie, and my sweet ass robe. with all of these layers my body felt as if there was freezing water being pumped thru my viens, like i was storing ice trays in my chest and a glacier beneath my skin. and there i laid. pathetic and not asking or wanting anyone to help me.
she ignored my stupidity. she stayed until i fell asleep.
i dont know what to say about that.
i yelled "someone tell me that they love me.... TELL ME YOU LOVE ME"
i hear it once a week from my dad, every other conversation when i talk to him and my mom gets on the phone....
there has to be another love out there. she cares about me. i know she does. and i'm so grateful. and undeserving.
she saved me twice. once when i needed it and was begging. and once when i didnt ask for it, and tried my own way.
i'm just lucky. and i guess you can say i'm loved.