(no subject)
im still fighting with it in my head. its driving me up the wall.
i dont understand why im attracted to what im attracted to. the guy that i would be with in a heartbeat isnt really into me, well not like overly at least. he likes me, but yet again im in the well he likes me kinda sometimes today thing. and the guy that wants to date me i am completely indifferent about and honestly would drop in a second. wtf is wrong with me?!
all i know is i do have a date saturday and i am a little excited although im not sure what to think of aaron at all. i think i just want the freedom to mess around (And not just fucking, i guess i just want to entertain the idea of many people at once... i dunno how to put this) without feeling guilty towards someone. i dont want to feel attached until im damn well ready to do so. im just so tired of being drug into stuff and then giving in and then being the one that gets hurt. and i just wanna see whats going on with everything else i guess. but i am going to talk to aaron about it so that way hes not entirely in the dark and i dont want him to think im not into him. im just not into anything right now honestly. like im not really being myself. i barely pay attention to stuff and im hardly being interested in things and im being horribly quiet and like... fuck. im being rather antisocial. im being extremely quiet and keeping to myself. its strange. normally i cant stop running my mouth. oh well. ill get over it. im feeling better. im just still a little down. oh well.
my room smells like a hot boy. i cleaned it and i sprayed ax all over everything so it wouldnt smell like whatever the fuck this room smells like. so now it smells sexy. it makes me excited. im glad i cleaned my room and put my bed back and shit. i like having all this space again.
im cranky as fuck today. i should start bleeding soon so i have an excuse. oh and well. i need to study for my test tomorrow that i have only been in class for two class periods of what theyve went over with it. and my last test was 102 percent so i guess im good at math or something i dunno im rambling. ok done haha.
i dont understand why im attracted to what im attracted to. the guy that i would be with in a heartbeat isnt really into me, well not like overly at least. he likes me, but yet again im in the well he likes me kinda sometimes today thing. and the guy that wants to date me i am completely indifferent about and honestly would drop in a second. wtf is wrong with me?!
all i know is i do have a date saturday and i am a little excited although im not sure what to think of aaron at all. i think i just want the freedom to mess around (And not just fucking, i guess i just want to entertain the idea of many people at once... i dunno how to put this) without feeling guilty towards someone. i dont want to feel attached until im damn well ready to do so. im just so tired of being drug into stuff and then giving in and then being the one that gets hurt. and i just wanna see whats going on with everything else i guess. but i am going to talk to aaron about it so that way hes not entirely in the dark and i dont want him to think im not into him. im just not into anything right now honestly. like im not really being myself. i barely pay attention to stuff and im hardly being interested in things and im being horribly quiet and like... fuck. im being rather antisocial. im being extremely quiet and keeping to myself. its strange. normally i cant stop running my mouth. oh well. ill get over it. im feeling better. im just still a little down. oh well.
my room smells like a hot boy. i cleaned it and i sprayed ax all over everything so it wouldnt smell like whatever the fuck this room smells like. so now it smells sexy. it makes me excited. im glad i cleaned my room and put my bed back and shit. i like having all this space again.
im cranky as fuck today. i should start bleeding soon so i have an excuse. oh and well. i need to study for my test tomorrow that i have only been in class for two class periods of what theyve went over with it. and my last test was 102 percent so i guess im good at math or something i dunno im rambling. ok done haha.