How I've been...

[sptemberfalls90]

Closed off and afraid, that's all I know right now. I'm afraid of the friends I'm losing because I'm not willing to put myself on the line again. I was placed on the line with Ashley Q, Kevin, Chelsea B, April, just too many people who have hurt me in the past wek or so. People tell me to not let it bother me, but how can I when they know a lot of my secrets. They can decide whether or not to inform the school about them. It's up to them. But they betrayed me, they broke me. Again. I never seem to make the right friends, I always make friends I think won't turn out like the rest of them, but after a year they do, it's like they are finally comfortable to be who they really are, and I don't like that. And Randy, he hurts me every day he touches me, I just wish he'd stop. Even after I've told him not to touch me he does it any way. It's almost as if I do not exist but for his preverse torture. I guess it doesn't matter to him as to what I feel, the little bastard. He doesn't know the pain he inflicts when he does that. He think s, it's only ashley she doesn't mind me hanging all over her. I do, i hate it when people touch me, when it's not returned by me. I do not like him and he makes me want to scream every time he gets angry because i don't say hello. Who cares, I see you and smile and keep walking. A sign maybe, or maybe next time I should just yelled it at your face, "get the hell away from me now." I just can't stand it when people touch me, it just burns you know. I don't want people to touch me, especially unwelcomed touches. He may be touchy feeley, but I don't care, i'm not so don't touch me. Don't constantly hug me, don't grab my arm, don't do anything. Because everytime you do, i feel like I'm losing my freedom because I"m afraid of saying stop touching me to. you are enslaving me. And there's nothing I can do about it. 
Freaking Heck! It's the Pet Shop Boys, this will def. get my spirits up. Believe it or not I like the Pet Shop Boys, and I'm a crazy freak loling. Maybe I'll be happy after this song. Who knows. 
Left school early today because I"m so tired lately. I go to school and i feel like a zombie because i'm so fatigued. It's annoying, but whatever. Oh Prom is tomorrow, I'm going with Nathan and I will have a blast. You have no idea how much fun I"m going to have. Even if I have to make my night fun in some way or another. I will have fun, i'm determined.