Invalid Bliss [Persona 3, Mitsuru]
Title: Invalid Bliss
Author: ellnyx / logistika_nyx
Rating: M
Prompt: Persona 3; Mitsuru, solo - realising she's better off without a partner
Word count: 475
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Mitsuru only gets herself off when she's tired, but these days, these nights, she's always tired. In the dark hours no one watches her to see if she's still the perfect picture, hanging frozen on their wall of honours. Some part of Mitsuru still protests what she starts, but even that part is as languid and aching as the rest of her. She lets her knees fall open, as though the blanket's weight is enough to force this. She doesn't have to lick her fingers; she's tired. She's wet.
Good girls don't get this wet, but Mitsuru's never believed she's a good girl, or it wouldn't be so difficult to be one all the time.
Guys can get themselves off whenever they want, it doesn't seem to become anything that hinders them. There's pride in their performance too, because they keep doing it where they can be caught. Mitsuru's walked in on Akihiko, and on Shinjiro, and on Aki and Shinji; and she won't step on the rug Junpei keeps beside his bed even if she does have her house-slippers on. Yukari…Yukari would probably give a look of complete distaste if Mitsuru could bring herself (could lower herself, that unhappy part whispers) to ask. How could she even phrase it? Yukari, do you get yourself off in the dark too, when you're so tired you can't stop the demons rising?
Penthesilea, the demon-in-her-belly: Mitsuru closes her eyes and imagines. Is it better or worse this way, to pretend she does this for someone else? Penthesilea's tongue becomes Mitsuru's clitoris, Penthesilea's mouth-
Mitsuru is sure Minato doesn't get himself off like this. Minato hasn't got enough left to give himself, not even back to himself. That's what Mitsuru's doing, she decides, giving some part back to herself, tension relief or a night without dreams, a spark of pleasure a shining blade against apathy. She cares enough about herself to get herself off, that's what this is. It's not such a bad thing, even if her fingers are too slippery, wiped trembling on her thigh, she can begin again. Mitsuru moves faster this time, more like punishment than affection; but this is what she needs. She's exhausted, she's drunk on tiredness and just like a drunk, the barriers of mind, thought, expectation come apart, gaps as wide as her thighs, and Mitsuru can see out of her self-wrought cage of control; outside, there's sunlight, green grass, and nothing to do. It's beautiful out there, and all she can do is stretch out her fingers and touch; this is right and good, and Mitsuru does what's right because that's who she is, just another human being-
The groan that comes when Mitsuru does is inhuman and deep. Between spasms, relief feels like a state of invalid bliss.
Penthesilea's mouth mocks her sound, clenching, open and closed.
.
Author: ellnyx / logistika_nyx
Rating: M
Prompt: Persona 3; Mitsuru, solo - realising she's better off without a partner
Word count: 475
.
Mitsuru only gets herself off when she's tired, but these days, these nights, she's always tired. In the dark hours no one watches her to see if she's still the perfect picture, hanging frozen on their wall of honours. Some part of Mitsuru still protests what she starts, but even that part is as languid and aching as the rest of her. She lets her knees fall open, as though the blanket's weight is enough to force this. She doesn't have to lick her fingers; she's tired. She's wet.
Good girls don't get this wet, but Mitsuru's never believed she's a good girl, or it wouldn't be so difficult to be one all the time.
Guys can get themselves off whenever they want, it doesn't seem to become anything that hinders them. There's pride in their performance too, because they keep doing it where they can be caught. Mitsuru's walked in on Akihiko, and on Shinjiro, and on Aki and Shinji; and she won't step on the rug Junpei keeps beside his bed even if she does have her house-slippers on. Yukari…Yukari would probably give a look of complete distaste if Mitsuru could bring herself (could lower herself, that unhappy part whispers) to ask. How could she even phrase it? Yukari, do you get yourself off in the dark too, when you're so tired you can't stop the demons rising?
Penthesilea, the demon-in-her-belly: Mitsuru closes her eyes and imagines. Is it better or worse this way, to pretend she does this for someone else? Penthesilea's tongue becomes Mitsuru's clitoris, Penthesilea's mouth-
Mitsuru is sure Minato doesn't get himself off like this. Minato hasn't got enough left to give himself, not even back to himself. That's what Mitsuru's doing, she decides, giving some part back to herself, tension relief or a night without dreams, a spark of pleasure a shining blade against apathy. She cares enough about herself to get herself off, that's what this is. It's not such a bad thing, even if her fingers are too slippery, wiped trembling on her thigh, she can begin again. Mitsuru moves faster this time, more like punishment than affection; but this is what she needs. She's exhausted, she's drunk on tiredness and just like a drunk, the barriers of mind, thought, expectation come apart, gaps as wide as her thighs, and Mitsuru can see out of her self-wrought cage of control; outside, there's sunlight, green grass, and nothing to do. It's beautiful out there, and all she can do is stretch out her fingers and touch; this is right and good, and Mitsuru does what's right because that's who she is, just another human being-
The groan that comes when Mitsuru does is inhuman and deep. Between spasms, relief feels like a state of invalid bliss.
Penthesilea's mouth mocks her sound, clenching, open and closed.
.