official correspondence (Black Butler/Hellsing, Sebastian/Integra, PG)

[incandescens]

Title: official correspondence
Author/Artist: incandescens
Rating: PG
Warnings: Only for kitten-haters.
Prompt: November 24th - Crossover, Black Butler/Hellsing, Sebastian/Integra: danger - a hell of a butler
Word count: 879

Comments

[flo_nelja]

Oh yes. Oh yes. I laughed out loud.
The tone, the tone of the formal letters ! Oh, Integra, Ciel, how do I love you... I had never paralleled the characters before.

According to our own records, he has been connected with thirty-nine cases of murder, five cases of manslaughter, seven cases of dangerous driving, seventeen cases of theft, fourteen cases of espionage, two cases of tribadism (admittedly, our evidence on this one is somewhat confused), nine cases of blackmail, barratry, libel, evasion of taxes, posing as a medical professional, and the mass release of poisonous snakes.

I am shocked, deeply shocked, that such vile rumours and infamous calumnies should have been attached to the name of my loyal and devoted pastry cook. The poor fellow was greatly upset to hear that such things had been said about him. He retired to pet his new kitten, and I trust that it will restore his innocent spirit.

Thank God, I thought I was the only one.
I attach photographs of Sebastian petting kitten with deeply inaccurate expression of sweet-minded innocence on his face.

Thank you for your letter providing full and accurate information on your pastry cook and kitten-tender. Under the circumstances, we regret that he would not be fitted for the Hellsing Organisation. We trust that he will bear up under this news with proper manly fortitude.

These are my favourite parts. These are a lot of favourite parts for a fic that short, but I couldn't cut a word. ^^

*much love*

[incandescens]

I'm very pleased you liked it. :) Thank you!