A Command From On High
(A man with a white beard and flowing white robes, clearly the Christian God, sits at a computer, sipping at a bottle of alcohol. His awkward motions and slurred speech imply that he is particularly drunk. He appears to be browsing youtube)
God: (squinting at the screen) Oh now THIS one... This one looks interesting! (He mis-ckicks at least once before finally clicking on the right video)
(We watch a crude and pixelated video of a bull trying to mount a cow from behind, but it slips and falls, landing hilariously on its bottom. The video is no more than five seconds in length)
God: (Stares at the screen with a very serious face for just a moment, almost as if he disapproves of this, but then suddenly bursts into laughter so hard that he falls out of his chair) That was HILARIOUS! Oh, wow! Everyone needs to see this! Angels! Angels get in here!
(Two angels enter the room. They appear vaguely disheartened to see God like this. One of them rolls their eyes)
Angel 1: What is it, my lord?
God: There's something that I need you to give to the humans! All of humanity needs (He hiccups loudly and abruptly, but continues on) to experience this! (He begins to struggle his way back into his computer chair)
Angel 2: (Rolls his eyes again, harder this time)
Angel 1: ...What do you need for us to give to the humans, my lord?
God: (Finally manages to get back into the chair) What the humans need is...
(God squints at the screen, leaning in close. The view changes to show us a close-up of the screen, revealing that the name of the video is "CowVid 19")
God: (Smiling drunkenly in what might otherwise be described as childish delight) ...What the humans need... is...
(There is a suspenseful pause. And then suddenly we are shown a close-up of God's face, cast in eerie high contrast shadows)
God: ...MURDER HORNETS!
(We return to the previous angle. God is still sitting sloppily in his computer chair, the drunken smile having returned to his face as if it had never left in the first place)
God: That way they'll want to stay inside, making it more likely that they (He hiccups again) see this video!
(The angels look at one another, hesitantly)
Angel 1: ...yes, my lord. We will deliver the murder hornets to humanity.
(We are shown a black screen. The words "...the next day" fade in in white and remain there long enough to be comfortably read)
(God sits in in a glorious throne. One of the angels from the previous scene stands nearby. We're given the impression that he has just finished speaking)
God: (Concerned) ...I told you to do what? Oh dear! No, no, no... Cancel that at once! Let's never speak of that again.
God: (squinting at the screen) Oh now THIS one... This one looks interesting! (He mis-ckicks at least once before finally clicking on the right video)
(We watch a crude and pixelated video of a bull trying to mount a cow from behind, but it slips and falls, landing hilariously on its bottom. The video is no more than five seconds in length)
God: (Stares at the screen with a very serious face for just a moment, almost as if he disapproves of this, but then suddenly bursts into laughter so hard that he falls out of his chair) That was HILARIOUS! Oh, wow! Everyone needs to see this! Angels! Angels get in here!
(Two angels enter the room. They appear vaguely disheartened to see God like this. One of them rolls their eyes)
Angel 1: What is it, my lord?
God: There's something that I need you to give to the humans! All of humanity needs (He hiccups loudly and abruptly, but continues on) to experience this! (He begins to struggle his way back into his computer chair)
Angel 2: (Rolls his eyes again, harder this time)
Angel 1: ...What do you need for us to give to the humans, my lord?
God: (Finally manages to get back into the chair) What the humans need is...
(God squints at the screen, leaning in close. The view changes to show us a close-up of the screen, revealing that the name of the video is "CowVid 19")
God: (Smiling drunkenly in what might otherwise be described as childish delight) ...What the humans need... is...
(There is a suspenseful pause. And then suddenly we are shown a close-up of God's face, cast in eerie high contrast shadows)
God: ...MURDER HORNETS!
(We return to the previous angle. God is still sitting sloppily in his computer chair, the drunken smile having returned to his face as if it had never left in the first place)
God: That way they'll want to stay inside, making it more likely that they (He hiccups again) see this video!
(The angels look at one another, hesitantly)
Angel 1: ...yes, my lord. We will deliver the murder hornets to humanity.
(We are shown a black screen. The words "...the next day" fade in in white and remain there long enough to be comfortably read)
(God sits in in a glorious throne. One of the angels from the previous scene stands nearby. We're given the impression that he has just finished speaking)
God: (Concerned) ...I told you to do what? Oh dear! No, no, no... Cancel that at once! Let's never speak of that again.