In Christ, there are no Goodbyes
I rarely post anymore---mostly because I feel like I have nothing to chronical, nothing important to say.
I guess I want to organize my thoughts and process my weekend now.
It was totally and utterly surreal. I was doing the support team for Albatross to Phoenix for the fifth year and I was texting Matt back and forth about issues with the retreats, the drama between the teens, and the bullshit with the adults. And that's when the texts started: "Stephanie's brother's dead!" "My friend just died!" "My brother's dead." And here I am, on a retreat with many kids who know him; who knew Mike. Stephanie, a young girl in my youth group. Her brother, Mike, a favourite former student of my husband's.
It was my Albatross to take my kids down stairs during reconciliation with the help of Msgr Paul to tell the kids the news; their friend was dead from a drug overdose. My assistant youth minister gathered the kids. We all went downstairs.
Hours previous, the 4 youth ministers, 3 priests, my husband, my assistant youth minister and I debated what to do; should we tell them and ruin the weekend? Should we wait for them to find out? We began to notice that all of our YG was receiving texts; their turned in phones (so they could be disconnected from their normal lives) beeped, buzzed and vibrated in a box in a closet. Then word got out; three kids in my group never turned in their phone. They would find out via text message if nothing was said. After a vote of 3 no's and 4 yes's, we decided to tell them. A youth minister, a wonderful woman of God, gave her perspective; several kids on the retreat from a different town lost a friend in a tragic accident one week before. Only two months ago, a kid from another town committed suicide. As the day went by, more things came out; one of my youth ministry kids had a friend die in a car crash only a few days ago. To find out via text message would crush her.
We made our decision. We sat in a circle formation, rolls of toilet paper in hand, because we're ghetto, and told them what we knew; he overdosed and was found dead. As his name was revealed, one of my yg kids just started shaking. Others quietly wept. And one began to wail; "My cousin, my cousin".
For what seemed like days to follow, over the next few hours, hugs were given, tears were shed, and a 12 pack of Charmin was demolished by our devastated kids. As I held Michael, the cousin of the boy who died, he just sobbed and cried how grateful he was that he was THERE when he was told and he was not home. He was grateful to have the support he had of several priests, youths who knew what he was going through, and adults who could do nothing but listen and cry with him.
Was it the right thing to tell the teens before the end of retreat? My answer; yes. What better way to mourn than to offer it up to Christ? To our Virgin Mother of God, who truly understands our suffering? I stared at the monstrance, as I hugged so many of my teens, praying for Christ's grace for each of them. Praying for peace for their soul; and for their friend's. These youths were among their closest friends finding out this news; and bonded with new ones. Arm in arm, hand in hand, and embracing, the youths mourned their losses; of lives cut short.
Today was another hard day. As I woke up next to my husband, I hoped it was all just a bad dream. When I returned to the retreat, I saw the happy fourth day signs. But oddly enough, I expected to see tears but I saw smiles. I saw a group bonded by loss and made whole by Christ's love.
Tonight's youth group was the hardest one ever. 5 years as a youth minister and 10 years in youth ministry, we never had a death of this callibur. Nearly two hours of tears, memories and toilet paper later, these youths left more bonded then when they came. So many have dealt with deaths in their lives; the death of parents, siblings, cousins, grandmas, great grandmas, pop-pops and friends. We celebrated those people's lives and deaths; we prayed for the souls of our beloved dead.
God blessed me with the right job, to be in the right place at the right time, and to be able to show His love through actions and by listening.
I guess I want to organize my thoughts and process my weekend now.
It was totally and utterly surreal. I was doing the support team for Albatross to Phoenix for the fifth year and I was texting Matt back and forth about issues with the retreats, the drama between the teens, and the bullshit with the adults. And that's when the texts started: "Stephanie's brother's dead!" "My friend just died!" "My brother's dead." And here I am, on a retreat with many kids who know him; who knew Mike. Stephanie, a young girl in my youth group. Her brother, Mike, a favourite former student of my husband's.
It was my Albatross to take my kids down stairs during reconciliation with the help of Msgr Paul to tell the kids the news; their friend was dead from a drug overdose. My assistant youth minister gathered the kids. We all went downstairs.
Hours previous, the 4 youth ministers, 3 priests, my husband, my assistant youth minister and I debated what to do; should we tell them and ruin the weekend? Should we wait for them to find out? We began to notice that all of our YG was receiving texts; their turned in phones (so they could be disconnected from their normal lives) beeped, buzzed and vibrated in a box in a closet. Then word got out; three kids in my group never turned in their phone. They would find out via text message if nothing was said. After a vote of 3 no's and 4 yes's, we decided to tell them. A youth minister, a wonderful woman of God, gave her perspective; several kids on the retreat from a different town lost a friend in a tragic accident one week before. Only two months ago, a kid from another town committed suicide. As the day went by, more things came out; one of my youth ministry kids had a friend die in a car crash only a few days ago. To find out via text message would crush her.
We made our decision. We sat in a circle formation, rolls of toilet paper in hand, because we're ghetto, and told them what we knew; he overdosed and was found dead. As his name was revealed, one of my yg kids just started shaking. Others quietly wept. And one began to wail; "My cousin, my cousin".
For what seemed like days to follow, over the next few hours, hugs were given, tears were shed, and a 12 pack of Charmin was demolished by our devastated kids. As I held Michael, the cousin of the boy who died, he just sobbed and cried how grateful he was that he was THERE when he was told and he was not home. He was grateful to have the support he had of several priests, youths who knew what he was going through, and adults who could do nothing but listen and cry with him.
Was it the right thing to tell the teens before the end of retreat? My answer; yes. What better way to mourn than to offer it up to Christ? To our Virgin Mother of God, who truly understands our suffering? I stared at the monstrance, as I hugged so many of my teens, praying for Christ's grace for each of them. Praying for peace for their soul; and for their friend's. These youths were among their closest friends finding out this news; and bonded with new ones. Arm in arm, hand in hand, and embracing, the youths mourned their losses; of lives cut short.
Today was another hard day. As I woke up next to my husband, I hoped it was all just a bad dream. When I returned to the retreat, I saw the happy fourth day signs. But oddly enough, I expected to see tears but I saw smiles. I saw a group bonded by loss and made whole by Christ's love.
Tonight's youth group was the hardest one ever. 5 years as a youth minister and 10 years in youth ministry, we never had a death of this callibur. Nearly two hours of tears, memories and toilet paper later, these youths left more bonded then when they came. So many have dealt with deaths in their lives; the death of parents, siblings, cousins, grandmas, great grandmas, pop-pops and friends. We celebrated those people's lives and deaths; we prayed for the souls of our beloved dead.
God blessed me with the right job, to be in the right place at the right time, and to be able to show His love through actions and by listening.