SHO #2
- Education & Career Problems
I have considered the alternate of lifestyle in a career. I have a degree in psychology, but am doing nothing with it. Why? I have schizo-affective disorder and cannot function, at least at a higher level, in your world. I have resigned myself; like Nixon, I have wire-tapped my senses into the spectrum of your society and said "No, thanks." Can you believe that? Your world is too ridiculous to live in. Some doctors will examine my world-view, how I think and then label me as appropriated by certain nomenclature.
There is one thing I live for: Learning. I love learning. There's really nothing like learning about some crazy type of deep-sea fish that feeds off of hyperthermal vents at the bottom of the ocean, or learning about how to Sun works, exploring literary or psychological concepts, or philosophically challenging myself to embrace an encumbrance. I feel good learning. I feel happy Im progressing and find the world enchanting, almost, with some dew-drops on the corrola of my flowers I am easy to smile when professors have bad days.
And not to make a polemic out of this as my IQ is very. very average; some people's apathy towards the sciences and literature, or whatever it is they could ever possible want to learn more about life is just appalling. The human being will more closely place stock in the validity of their culture and seek their immediate sensory input of how others feel first, and make a decision upon it only there-after some normative value has already been assigned, then put value in its science. To me, there is more spirituality and meaning in the science of dog shit than religion, TV or the eight-hour work day.
Having said that, Im going back to school in Fall, for nothing more than to advance my brain. I dont plan to get a new degree; perhaps I should, but that will come-but rather after I have settled back into college life I will at least temporarily be released from my personal crux, and that is: I am ultimately useless. Im having this dream Im walking knee-deep in a swamp, with a cane, trudging through with a melted marshmallow consistency, wondering why I am not casting a shadow.
So what have I accomplished in learning this Self-Help entry? A long-term goal to go back to school in order to find something greater than you and I, and that sounds very, very familiar.