(no subject)
After having an emotional breakdown almost every day for the past month, I have decided to quit taking Ortho-Tricyclen Lo. I realized that after the first couple of weeks of taking it, I get mood swings like crazy and I think it's driving my boyfriend mad. I'll get mad over EVERYTHING, seriously. I just don't feel like myself anymore. Poor Jarrod, it must be difficult to have a psycho bitch as a girlfriend. He's been incredibly understanding about the whole thing though. So no more birth control pills for me, it's not worth it anymore.
AND I'm going to try and not smoke weed today because this has been my schedule just about every day:
Wake up and smoke.
Go somewhere, smoke on the way.
Friends come over, we smoke.
3 am in the morning and I can't go to bed, so I smoke!
And that's waaaayy too much and I feel like a shell of a person. Except I already smoked once today but I stopped early.
Just got a text from jarrod: "i love you so much goofy butt!"
Last night was awful but also kind of good. Robbie, Dale, and Dan came over after Jarrod got off work and we smoked. Then we all went to Mazetti's and Bob came too, we watched both Kill Bill's which was a mistake and smoked some more. Danielle wanted to make blueberry muffins but she needed 2 eggs and milk and Dan wanted limes and oranges for his blue moon beer or whatever so we went to Publix and stole 2 eggs and the fruit but I bought the milk. Anyway, at the end of the night I started to feel like shit, emotionally and physically which makes me frustrated. Wouldn't you feel frustrated if you generally felt like shit? So I start crying a little bit, but I keep in extremely low key except Jarrod noticed because he always does. By the time we are out the door I am completing bawling. Jarrod is like, "What is wrong with you?" And that's when I realized that I've turned into a modern day Jekyll & Hyde. So that made me ever more upset so I cried more, Jarrod said, "Don't be upset, there is nothing to be upset about." Which again, made me feel worse for whatever reason. We got in Bob's van, and went to Walgreens to buy stuff. Jarrod had to stay in the van to keep Angus company and I was about to go in the store when he grabbed my arm and he held my face in his hands and wiped the mascara that was smudged on my cheek and said that he loves me with all his heart and he's sorry for getting frustrated with me and then he kissed me a lot. So that made me feel better. We got home and we were hanging out in my room and Bob asked why my parents hate Jarrod and I told them about how I promised them I would stay a virgin until I was married. So we talked about that a bit, and I felt another emotional episode coming on, I think Bob sensed it too because he said he was going to go to bed. As soon as he leaves I started to cry again and Jarrod asked if I regret having sex with him. I said no but I don't know how I'm going to explain that to my future husband since I'm supposed to be pure and whatnot. And I was seriously crying sooo hard, it was ridiculous. Then Jarrod said, "Well, I'm not trying to hint at anything but what if your future husband is me? What if we make it?" So that made me think a bit. Then he said, "I want you to always remember what I'm going to say next, always. You are going to make some guy extremely happy one day. I hope it's me because I love you so much." So, with that we slowly drifted off to sleep together.
We woke up this morning with our legs all tangled together. We looked at each other and smiled, he got up and got ready for work. He always looks so handsome right before he leaves. I think about him all day while he is at work and when he comes home, I rub his back and ask him how is day went. He says, "Well, it was work. How was your day, sweetheart?" Then I tell him all the things I did. We smile. Sometimes I think we both are thinking, "Wait--aren't we too young for this?" But then we realize that no, we aren't. We are just two young scallywags in love and that should never ever be wrong.
Last night he said, "You know, some people die without ever finding what you and I have."
"That's pretty scary." I said.
"Yeah, it really is."
AND I'm going to try and not smoke weed today because this has been my schedule just about every day:
Wake up and smoke.
Go somewhere, smoke on the way.
Friends come over, we smoke.
3 am in the morning and I can't go to bed, so I smoke!
And that's waaaayy too much and I feel like a shell of a person. Except I already smoked once today but I stopped early.
Just got a text from jarrod: "i love you so much goofy butt!"
Last night was awful but also kind of good. Robbie, Dale, and Dan came over after Jarrod got off work and we smoked. Then we all went to Mazetti's and Bob came too, we watched both Kill Bill's which was a mistake and smoked some more. Danielle wanted to make blueberry muffins but she needed 2 eggs and milk and Dan wanted limes and oranges for his blue moon beer or whatever so we went to Publix and stole 2 eggs and the fruit but I bought the milk. Anyway, at the end of the night I started to feel like shit, emotionally and physically which makes me frustrated. Wouldn't you feel frustrated if you generally felt like shit? So I start crying a little bit, but I keep in extremely low key except Jarrod noticed because he always does. By the time we are out the door I am completing bawling. Jarrod is like, "What is wrong with you?" And that's when I realized that I've turned into a modern day Jekyll & Hyde. So that made me ever more upset so I cried more, Jarrod said, "Don't be upset, there is nothing to be upset about." Which again, made me feel worse for whatever reason. We got in Bob's van, and went to Walgreens to buy stuff. Jarrod had to stay in the van to keep Angus company and I was about to go in the store when he grabbed my arm and he held my face in his hands and wiped the mascara that was smudged on my cheek and said that he loves me with all his heart and he's sorry for getting frustrated with me and then he kissed me a lot. So that made me feel better. We got home and we were hanging out in my room and Bob asked why my parents hate Jarrod and I told them about how I promised them I would stay a virgin until I was married. So we talked about that a bit, and I felt another emotional episode coming on, I think Bob sensed it too because he said he was going to go to bed. As soon as he leaves I started to cry again and Jarrod asked if I regret having sex with him. I said no but I don't know how I'm going to explain that to my future husband since I'm supposed to be pure and whatnot. And I was seriously crying sooo hard, it was ridiculous. Then Jarrod said, "Well, I'm not trying to hint at anything but what if your future husband is me? What if we make it?" So that made me think a bit. Then he said, "I want you to always remember what I'm going to say next, always. You are going to make some guy extremely happy one day. I hope it's me because I love you so much." So, with that we slowly drifted off to sleep together.
We woke up this morning with our legs all tangled together. We looked at each other and smiled, he got up and got ready for work. He always looks so handsome right before he leaves. I think about him all day while he is at work and when he comes home, I rub his back and ask him how is day went. He says, "Well, it was work. How was your day, sweetheart?" Then I tell him all the things I did. We smile. Sometimes I think we both are thinking, "Wait--aren't we too young for this?" But then we realize that no, we aren't. We are just two young scallywags in love and that should never ever be wrong.
Last night he said, "You know, some people die without ever finding what you and I have."
"That's pretty scary." I said.
"Yeah, it really is."