Looking Up
This week, like many weeks before it, was current in its escalation to frustration at home. I've become more verbal and physical in my distaste of family behavior and my opposition to the effects therein. Over the past 5 years i've become wiser, stronger, and self-supportive. Now i'm in a place that limits my very being, yet for the most part i haven't let it affect me. I have certainly realized my situation but i'm reassured that it's only a matter of time until i get to the place i'm "supposed" to be. I put that in quotation because, as often is the case, we don't learn where we are supposed to be until well after we have arrived.
Praise God, things are beginning to look up. I had begun to wonder how bad things were going to get, resulting in a response i would wish i didn't have to face, and then something good happened. I received a message from a dear friend suggesting that i should spend time with my cousin, to go out and have fun while leaving the baggage at the door. Apparently, we both could use it and we could very well benefit from one another. So my cousin and i did. After discussing deep psychological current topics for the first 15 minutes, i suggested to do as intended and forget it all for the night; fun and laughs were on the agenda this night :-). We ate a wonderful meal at Olive Garden (i had the mezzalunas with shrimp, which instantly became a top 3 meal of all-time...though hard to say, haha), then went out to see the well-made film Where The Wild Things Are. Oddly, the film didn't resolve as much as i had hoped, but whatevs. I did note it as a movie not likely to be a "pick-me-up." An appreciated good night that lifted my spirit enough to be lifted again to the next level days later.
The past 2 nights dealt with the fear of separation from God. I had somehow been effected by a demonic movie which i only saw 5 minutes of, but was enough to put me in a situation to call out to Jesus as i lay in bed. I have been feeling unworthy to call on Jesus' name, and rightly so, for i had been neglecting Him and not asking for forgiveness after sin. The fear these past 2 nights changed all that. Thankfully, Jesus broke through. The weird sensation of an evil presence left and i had decided that i could no longer neglect my savior. After all, i was so thankful He came to my rescue, i am, as i know i have always been, in His debt. I chose to make things right last night. Today at church i worshiped wholeheartedly, prayed with focus and thanks.
Unsuspectingly tonight, i got to talk to my dear brother in Christ, Luke Clyde. The first thing he said was, "can we pray for each other?" That began a near hour conversation of catching up and praying for each other. It ended in singing praises to Jesus. We're holding each other accountable to pray for each other every day. This has been a needed lift in my spirit as i prepare to make decisions for Spring 2010.
I must prepare myself. I need to guard myself with His word, believing His promises. It's time to dive deep, not waiting for the right moment or circumstance, as the true test is always now. I'm no help to anyone without Jesus prevailing in my life. I cannot live without His guidance, and waiting does not create a stand-still, but a backsliding of separation between me and the only name given to men by which we must be saved (Acts 4:12) -- Jesus, the son of God, Christ and Messiah, light of the world, the greatest love of all.
Pray with me and for me, dear brothers and sisters. In this moment now, and not forgetting to as each day comes and goes, for separation comes once the moment to pray has passed. Be guarded in the Word, recite it and inscribe it to your own hearts. I pray i do the same, day in and night out.
One love, with blessings from above,
~Jacob
Praise God, things are beginning to look up. I had begun to wonder how bad things were going to get, resulting in a response i would wish i didn't have to face, and then something good happened. I received a message from a dear friend suggesting that i should spend time with my cousin, to go out and have fun while leaving the baggage at the door. Apparently, we both could use it and we could very well benefit from one another. So my cousin and i did. After discussing deep psychological current topics for the first 15 minutes, i suggested to do as intended and forget it all for the night; fun and laughs were on the agenda this night :-). We ate a wonderful meal at Olive Garden (i had the mezzalunas with shrimp, which instantly became a top 3 meal of all-time...though hard to say, haha), then went out to see the well-made film Where The Wild Things Are. Oddly, the film didn't resolve as much as i had hoped, but whatevs. I did note it as a movie not likely to be a "pick-me-up." An appreciated good night that lifted my spirit enough to be lifted again to the next level days later.
The past 2 nights dealt with the fear of separation from God. I had somehow been effected by a demonic movie which i only saw 5 minutes of, but was enough to put me in a situation to call out to Jesus as i lay in bed. I have been feeling unworthy to call on Jesus' name, and rightly so, for i had been neglecting Him and not asking for forgiveness after sin. The fear these past 2 nights changed all that. Thankfully, Jesus broke through. The weird sensation of an evil presence left and i had decided that i could no longer neglect my savior. After all, i was so thankful He came to my rescue, i am, as i know i have always been, in His debt. I chose to make things right last night. Today at church i worshiped wholeheartedly, prayed with focus and thanks.
Unsuspectingly tonight, i got to talk to my dear brother in Christ, Luke Clyde. The first thing he said was, "can we pray for each other?" That began a near hour conversation of catching up and praying for each other. It ended in singing praises to Jesus. We're holding each other accountable to pray for each other every day. This has been a needed lift in my spirit as i prepare to make decisions for Spring 2010.
I must prepare myself. I need to guard myself with His word, believing His promises. It's time to dive deep, not waiting for the right moment or circumstance, as the true test is always now. I'm no help to anyone without Jesus prevailing in my life. I cannot live without His guidance, and waiting does not create a stand-still, but a backsliding of separation between me and the only name given to men by which we must be saved (Acts 4:12) -- Jesus, the son of God, Christ and Messiah, light of the world, the greatest love of all.
Pray with me and for me, dear brothers and sisters. In this moment now, and not forgetting to as each day comes and goes, for separation comes once the moment to pray has passed. Be guarded in the Word, recite it and inscribe it to your own hearts. I pray i do the same, day in and night out.
One love, with blessings from above,
~Jacob