If You Die Before I Wake (or How Do You Howl "I Love You"?) 5/?
Title: If You Die Before I Wake (or How Do You Howl "I Love You"?) 5/?
Sequel to I Will Love You 'til My Muzzle Turns Grey Master Post
Author: spnkinkfan
Pairing: J2
Word Count: 1325
Rating: NC-17 eventually
Warnings: DARK! DARK! Did I mention DARK? We go to some unpleasant places here - you've trusted me this far, I just ask that you trust me a bit farther now. Torture, angst, you know the drill.
Disclaimer: I own neither of the boys (have never even met them). I wish though - I would take very good care
A/N: I am SO sorry this took so long. I've been working really hard on my original piece, and I'm having some serious issues with the show this season, not to mention RL has been a real kick in the groin. Thanks so much to my super-awesome amazing beta tmateotb for always being so fast with the turnaround. It's a lot of work being a beta, and I could not ask for a better one.
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Jared couldn't remember if he'd ever been so cold before. Not surprising, he was having trouble remembering anything right then. He wondered if it were actually that cold in the room or if he was slipping into shock.
Or maybe it was just that he was naked and feeling incredibly exposed.
At some point, Xander had switched from making quick, methodical cuts all over Jared's body to randomly timed assaults. Then he had suddenly just stopped, sitting silent and waiting, but Jared couldn't figure out why or how long it had been. He was fairly sure he had been in and out of consciousness, but his brain was struggling for clarity.
Jared had tried to stay tense against the attacks at first. Being surprised by the blade caused him to jerk, more often than not making the wound worse. His muscles had quickly protested the steady tension, spasming and cramping badly. He tried instead to relax, but it was too late. Every new cut, each sudden jerk sent a fresh wave of spasms through his trembling body.
The worst had been when he lost the battle for what was left of his pride - that first hot tear that slipped between his clenched eyelids and burned its way down his face. He had seen Jensen's scars, had watched him fight for his mate and his pack. Jensen had refused to give in to the pain, he had rallied through blood loss and grave injury to protect the ones he loved.
Jared felt more tears course down his face as the sense of failure overwhelmed him. He now understood the expression "death by a thousand cuts", but every one of them was tiny, insignificant next to what Jensen had endured for him. He was letting Jensen down, too weak to pull through for the brave Alpha the way Jensen undoubtedly would have for him. Jared had tried, but it wasn't enough.
He wasn't enough.
Maybe Jensen deserved better. Maybe seeing how pathetic his mate really was would allow Jensen to survive his death.
Jared's thoughts kept drifting, seeking escape from the pain or paddling toward oblivion, he wasn't even sure anymore.
If he had let Jensen turn him, would he be in this situation now? Or would he have been better able to defend himself when they came for him? If he'd been a werewolf, would two members of Jensen's beloved pack still be dead? Maybe their combined strength would have been enough to overcome the interlopers. His cowardice had gotten good people killed.
He thought about the pain, the silver blade. How much worse would it be if he had been changed? All of the wounds Jensen had suffered, so many could be laid at Jared's feet. Werewolves have better senses all around, did that mean they feel pain more acutely?
That thought made Jared's stomach turn. The idea that when Jensen was hurt, it was more painful because of the lycanthropy was more than he could bear. He knew Jensen was coming for him, he would not stop until he had found his mate. When he did, Xander and his men would be waiting. There would be a fight and Jensen would most definitely be injured.
Because of Jared.
Again.
Jared wanted to scream - the pain in his heart overshadowed the countless cuts all over his body. He couldn't hold on and he knew it.
Jensen would end up hurt and suffering for nothing.
I'm sorry Jensen. I love you. Jared thought as the knife suddenly sliced into him once again and darkness finally swallowed him under.
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As the sun crept ever-closer to the Western horizon, Jensen struggled against the despair that was suffocating him. He swore he could feel Jared for the briefest of moments, but then he was gone again. He wanted to convince himself it was his imagination, but he couldn't let go of that tiny spark of hope.
The knowledge that they were not headed for the nearest border of pack territory had been nettling at Jensen's mind, and a sick sense of dread squirmed through the pit of his stomach.
What if this wasn't the right trail? What if this was a diversion to keep him from finding the group with Jared in time? Jensen tried to shake it off. Jeff was on the other trail. If this was the wrong one then he had to believe Jeff would catch the others in time.
Still, Jensen wanted to push harder, run faster. Find Jared now. Dusk was not far off - Jared had been captive for hours. To Jensen, it felt like years.
Christian moved alongside his Alpha, his low whine catching Jensen's attention. Christian bobbed his muzzle toward something ahead of them. Jensen looked and for a moment his brain refused to process what he was seeing. Rage ignited in his belly, burning fast and fierce as a low growl trickled from his throat.
A pack safehouse sat about 100 yards ahead, a mark high up on one of the trees signaled its presence. It had not been used in years, a throwback to the time when Jensen's father was Alpha and border disputes were more prevalent. Jensen had not been there since his last full territory tour, ensuring all of the pack resources were still viable and functional. He had been so intent on following the scent, it had never occurred to him that Xander might actually be unhinged enough to pull a stunt that brazen.
But then, stealing an Alpha's mate from his own home seemed like the pinnacle of insanity at the time.
Sending Christian in a wide loop to his left and Oscar around to the right, Jensen sank low to the ground and approached the cabin through the cover of greenery that had grown up around it. It was such an obvious place for an ambush, Jensen breathed deep and even, trying to keep the adrenaline in check.
The scent of strangers clearly lead to the building, but once again Jensen was puzzled. Why couldn't he sort out the individual scents?
It would only have been slightly less nerve-wracking if he could separate and identify how many had come this way. He was going in regardless, so numbers counted for nothing. He shook off the distraction and continued his careful approach.
The cabin was designed to be easily defensible with minimal numbers. Even standing unused for so long, the safeguards around it were still in effect. The undergrowth may have sprung up, but none of it extended close to the building.
Jensen crept as close as he could without leaving the concealing cover, but he was still some distance from the front door. He was certain the intruders had been there, the question was: were they still there?
A soft call from the other side of the cabin, Christian and Oscar had reached one another without incident. Jensen took a breath to call back, intending to go to them and formulate a plan quickly. Another quiet call to his left and farther back in the woods cut him short and set his hackles on end.
Jeff.
Panic rose, dark and ugly as it spread through Jensen. The rational thought that the combat form naturally moved faster than wolf form was immediately supplanted by the unpleasant imaginings of why Jeff had returned so quickly.
It took every last ounce of restraint Jensen had to not bolt from cover directly toward where Jeff's voice had come from in order to answer that question as quickly as possible. Easing himself back through the undergrowth to where he could move freely seemed to take forever, but finally Jensen could make his way toward where he had last heard his friend. Christian and Oscar would undoubtedly be moving to meet him there.
Through it all, the voice in the back of Jensen's head kept screaming you're too late, Jared is dead and you've failed everyone you love.
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 6