blah
well myspace is down, so i guess i have to blog here.
I should be asleep. I'm about to go to sleep. but not without sayin a few things.
I'm so stressed but i'm not also. Like, i have SO much to do in the next 3 days. I only have those 3 days of class left. But I have SO much due for them all. so many tests...etc. I have class at 11AM tomorrow, but I'm waking up at 7AM to finish some homework that I have to finish for tomorrow. I just couldn't do anymore tonight. I can't think straight, and there's a reason for that.
Firstly, I've been having fun in conyers, so thats been makin me think about a lot of things. I'm really happy with the friendships and stuff that have come back in my life. I've hung with Keith Asher, Adam Hoover, Michael Stamps, Bobby Miller, Randy Becker, Brittany Beck, Milya Delahaye, and thats about it...but I've made new friends too, which is awesome. I really love all these people, and i'm lookin forwards to the next 3 weeks to hang outw ith them more.
But this week has also been a downer. I've been thinking about Nicole a LOT. I know I'm supposed to be happy about her, and reflect on the good times, but I guess everyone has their downtimes. But between Mekenzie and me talking the other night about stuff, and visiting nicole's mom, Its just been on my mind a lot. I got to hear her voice for the first time in 2 months on a CD they had of her on my tunes at noon on q100. That was so weird. I think about her and wanting to have her back...and i just get such a pit in my stomach cause I know I can't have her back no matter what. I know i'll see her in heaven, she was a born again christian, but the days here are so hard. I understand but i dont, and I want so badly to fully understand. Mom made the comment "I bet if she were still here yall would have become really really close friends" and that just hit me so hard when she said that, cause i know we would have. she was more special than any friend i've ever had. period. we had such a connection, and i just look back on it all and i wish she could be here with me through everything thats going on. i've felt so alone. And it hurts to lose someone that was and would have continued to be such a good friend. I can't imagine ever finding someone remotely close to her. And i sure as heck never want to replace her.
I've lost 16lbs since hte beginning of the year. a good 10lbs of that has been within the last 2 months. to be honest, I dont know if its healthy way or not. I eat. I dont eat as much but i still eat. but with the stress of the blood clot and school and nicole and all i guess my body is just freaking out or something. i'm not copmlaining though. i'm at 130lbs which leaves me 5-10lbs to go..but i'd gain 50lbs back if i could have nicole back, or get rid of this blood clot. seriously.
anyway. i gotta get up in 5 hours. guess this is good enough. I feel better.
I should be asleep. I'm about to go to sleep. but not without sayin a few things.
I'm so stressed but i'm not also. Like, i have SO much to do in the next 3 days. I only have those 3 days of class left. But I have SO much due for them all. so many tests...etc. I have class at 11AM tomorrow, but I'm waking up at 7AM to finish some homework that I have to finish for tomorrow. I just couldn't do anymore tonight. I can't think straight, and there's a reason for that.
Firstly, I've been having fun in conyers, so thats been makin me think about a lot of things. I'm really happy with the friendships and stuff that have come back in my life. I've hung with Keith Asher, Adam Hoover, Michael Stamps, Bobby Miller, Randy Becker, Brittany Beck, Milya Delahaye, and thats about it...but I've made new friends too, which is awesome. I really love all these people, and i'm lookin forwards to the next 3 weeks to hang outw ith them more.
But this week has also been a downer. I've been thinking about Nicole a LOT. I know I'm supposed to be happy about her, and reflect on the good times, but I guess everyone has their downtimes. But between Mekenzie and me talking the other night about stuff, and visiting nicole's mom, Its just been on my mind a lot. I got to hear her voice for the first time in 2 months on a CD they had of her on my tunes at noon on q100. That was so weird. I think about her and wanting to have her back...and i just get such a pit in my stomach cause I know I can't have her back no matter what. I know i'll see her in heaven, she was a born again christian, but the days here are so hard. I understand but i dont, and I want so badly to fully understand. Mom made the comment "I bet if she were still here yall would have become really really close friends" and that just hit me so hard when she said that, cause i know we would have. she was more special than any friend i've ever had. period. we had such a connection, and i just look back on it all and i wish she could be here with me through everything thats going on. i've felt so alone. And it hurts to lose someone that was and would have continued to be such a good friend. I can't imagine ever finding someone remotely close to her. And i sure as heck never want to replace her.
I've lost 16lbs since hte beginning of the year. a good 10lbs of that has been within the last 2 months. to be honest, I dont know if its healthy way or not. I eat. I dont eat as much but i still eat. but with the stress of the blood clot and school and nicole and all i guess my body is just freaking out or something. i'm not copmlaining though. i'm at 130lbs which leaves me 5-10lbs to go..but i'd gain 50lbs back if i could have nicole back, or get rid of this blood clot. seriously.
anyway. i gotta get up in 5 hours. guess this is good enough. I feel better.