Revived.
I guess life really can be viewed to be similar to the life of Elijah. Elijah lived a life of ups and down. A extremely faithful man of God, Elijah went through things that would have made some of our problems look petty. if you were to depict his life, it looks like a sine wave. Full of ups and downs. with all faith placed in God, he still managed to have crash and burn moments, but even in those he still looked to God for guidance. I mean how many times have you been in the woods for days with no food with you, but trusted in God, and somehow when you woke up you managed to have food to last you through each day? I dont think too many of us have been that low. But anyway, getting back to where I was going.
I haven't updated in ages on my LJ, mainly because I normally just blog on myspace, but I thought I would update for those who don't do the whole myspace thing. or who are just stalking me. whatever.
May 2006 has been the most life-changing month. ever.
I started out the month basically doing horrible in school. well horrible in my eyes. My 4 grades were A,B,C, and D. oh yea. variety. I didn't expect the D. I really didn't. Even after talking to the teacher I couldn't weezle my way into a C. I've never made a D. ever. I actually cried for a while about it. Went for a drive, talked to my sister a while, even went to my sister's house late at night actually. Family is awesome. I eventually told mom and dad and the reprocussions of my problems weren't too bad. I wasn't in too much trouble, though losing hope would make me have to pay half the tuition. so that stunk.
Yet, then something happen that all of a sudden put my entire life in perspective. One of my best friends, Nicole Dunn, died in a car wreck. I won't say car accident, because I dont believe anything in life is an accident. I'll get into that in a bit. But yea. I was absolutely shocked when I heard the news. I've never lost someone close to me before. Ever. I had no clue how to deal, and though I'm holding up alright now, I STILL haven't gotten it in my head that she IS in fact gone. Its like the human mind can't fathom it or something...how someone can be alive and breathing and happy one moment, then all of a sudden gone for all of this life the next. Though I dont question God's ability and reasoning for what He does and when He does it, I still dont fully understand why her and why now.
As for the accident thing, I dont think that people die as a result of accidents. They die as a result of miracles. Think about it. It takes one heck of a miracle to be born. Sperm have to somehow find one tiny egg within a woman, and all the cells have to multiply correctly and form everything correctly for you to be born. I mean even in forming your eyesight, one MILLION nerve endings from your brain have to meet with corresponding numbers from one MILLION nerve endings coming from your eyes for you to even have sight. and thats not even near what all has to go on. There's so much more. But think about Nicole's wreck. She had to leave her house at the exact precise time. She had to be in the right lane, going the right speed. the people involved in the wreck all had to leave at a certain time and be in a certain lane and place at the right time. Everything would have changed if any of these things would have even been one second off. One second could have saved Nicole. But it didn't happen that way. Thats why I believe that her death isn't an accident at all, but a miracle that in some way encases some sort of hope or truth to show us that maybe we haven't even begun to see yet.
The wednesday after Nicole's death, I found out I have a blood clot. It's a Deep Venous Thrombosis in my Subclavian, which is fancy for I have a blood clot deep in my arm in one of the main veins under my right collar bone. What sucks is that minus the fact my arm at first was swelling up a bunch at first, I feel no pain...so its hard to get in my head how bad and serious the situation is. but it is. I've had to give myself shots which sucked but i'm done with those now, and I'm on blood thinners now, which means if I get cut its not good at all, cause I can bleed profusely, which is definitely not good. I also am at risk for a pulmonary embolism, which is also not good...and i'm kind on ice right now cause i feel a tightness in my chest and i dont know if its just what I was feeling before once, or if its part of the clot that has broken off and is in fact causing me this shortness of breath and all. I'll see how I feel in the morning.
I've been spending a lot of time at home. I've really enjoyed it too, to be honest. I'd forgotten how much I love my family, and how important they are to me. I'd forgotten how to look at my church family as a caring group and a blessing, instead of interpreting their "miss yous" as a stab against me. I was living my life souly for me, and not for God or to help anyone else. But I'm learning how to do otherwise, and I'm loving it. My life is changing, and God's doing it. I had a really weird weekend this past weekend, but I guess it happens, and we can never be perfect, but we can strive to be. As voddie bauchum says, "better today than yesterday, better tomorrow than today".
Jen
I haven't updated in ages on my LJ, mainly because I normally just blog on myspace, but I thought I would update for those who don't do the whole myspace thing. or who are just stalking me. whatever.
May 2006 has been the most life-changing month. ever.
I started out the month basically doing horrible in school. well horrible in my eyes. My 4 grades were A,B,C, and D. oh yea. variety. I didn't expect the D. I really didn't. Even after talking to the teacher I couldn't weezle my way into a C. I've never made a D. ever. I actually cried for a while about it. Went for a drive, talked to my sister a while, even went to my sister's house late at night actually. Family is awesome. I eventually told mom and dad and the reprocussions of my problems weren't too bad. I wasn't in too much trouble, though losing hope would make me have to pay half the tuition. so that stunk.
Yet, then something happen that all of a sudden put my entire life in perspective. One of my best friends, Nicole Dunn, died in a car wreck. I won't say car accident, because I dont believe anything in life is an accident. I'll get into that in a bit. But yea. I was absolutely shocked when I heard the news. I've never lost someone close to me before. Ever. I had no clue how to deal, and though I'm holding up alright now, I STILL haven't gotten it in my head that she IS in fact gone. Its like the human mind can't fathom it or something...how someone can be alive and breathing and happy one moment, then all of a sudden gone for all of this life the next. Though I dont question God's ability and reasoning for what He does and when He does it, I still dont fully understand why her and why now.
As for the accident thing, I dont think that people die as a result of accidents. They die as a result of miracles. Think about it. It takes one heck of a miracle to be born. Sperm have to somehow find one tiny egg within a woman, and all the cells have to multiply correctly and form everything correctly for you to be born. I mean even in forming your eyesight, one MILLION nerve endings from your brain have to meet with corresponding numbers from one MILLION nerve endings coming from your eyes for you to even have sight. and thats not even near what all has to go on. There's so much more. But think about Nicole's wreck. She had to leave her house at the exact precise time. She had to be in the right lane, going the right speed. the people involved in the wreck all had to leave at a certain time and be in a certain lane and place at the right time. Everything would have changed if any of these things would have even been one second off. One second could have saved Nicole. But it didn't happen that way. Thats why I believe that her death isn't an accident at all, but a miracle that in some way encases some sort of hope or truth to show us that maybe we haven't even begun to see yet.
The wednesday after Nicole's death, I found out I have a blood clot. It's a Deep Venous Thrombosis in my Subclavian, which is fancy for I have a blood clot deep in my arm in one of the main veins under my right collar bone. What sucks is that minus the fact my arm at first was swelling up a bunch at first, I feel no pain...so its hard to get in my head how bad and serious the situation is. but it is. I've had to give myself shots which sucked but i'm done with those now, and I'm on blood thinners now, which means if I get cut its not good at all, cause I can bleed profusely, which is definitely not good. I also am at risk for a pulmonary embolism, which is also not good...and i'm kind on ice right now cause i feel a tightness in my chest and i dont know if its just what I was feeling before once, or if its part of the clot that has broken off and is in fact causing me this shortness of breath and all. I'll see how I feel in the morning.
I've been spending a lot of time at home. I've really enjoyed it too, to be honest. I'd forgotten how much I love my family, and how important they are to me. I'd forgotten how to look at my church family as a caring group and a blessing, instead of interpreting their "miss yous" as a stab against me. I was living my life souly for me, and not for God or to help anyone else. But I'm learning how to do otherwise, and I'm loving it. My life is changing, and God's doing it. I had a really weird weekend this past weekend, but I guess it happens, and we can never be perfect, but we can strive to be. As voddie bauchum says, "better today than yesterday, better tomorrow than today".
Jen