so I'm here. what now?
well, I'm stuck here. and I'm slowly realizing it. my entire scholastic career I really didn't give a fuck. I passed classes without exerting myself at all just paying attention to what the teacher had to say. I could have gotten A's if I'd done the homework and put time into it but I really wasn't willing to do that for the teachers and the people I had to deal with at school. I despised everything and everyone around me with some exceptions that I wont list.
who cared. I wasn't sticking around NC long enough for it to matter. but then, my junior year, an opportunity arose. it wasn't really likely, but by then I'd realized that I was going to have to finish high school in the US.
around the beginning of my senior year my dad got an offer to go to china for a year. he agreed to it as long as we came to visit over the summer and I got to stay for the semester after my senior year ended. the catch was that I had to be admitted into a college before I left. I was accepted at ECU and greensboro but I already knew I was going to greensboro. my parents would pay my first year of college and the rest would be up to me. I'd come here a year and see how things went and then I'd decide whether I wanted to stay or I wanted to leave.
so I graduated from high school and embarked on a trip around china to see new things and clear my head a bit. it didn't really clear my head. mostly it got cluttered with even more posibilities, but it was a really life-changing experience where I saw things about the world and myself that I'd never seen before or had mostly forgotten.
but coming back to the US was inevitable. college was everything I expected and more. the people, the classes, the lifestyle, the atmosphere were all great. heh. I try to type that there were questions still unanswered but that's a lie. I knew the answers from the beginning. so this summer before I left for colombia I made sure what I was going to do. while I was in colombia I looked up colleges and tried to get in touch with them. I found 2 I liked so I set about finding financial aid.
the idea was to quit greensboro at the end of this semester. work full time somewhere I could make a reasonable amount of money until the summer. then I would get citizenship status, go to colombia for college, and coming back to work every summer to pay for my day to day needs. I would graduate with very little debt and the ability to live and work in the US earning in dollars and paying off my debt in colombian pesos (yay exchange rate).
the reality that I'm still trying to grasp is that there are no loans or anything that would allow me to pull it off. all the loans begin to collect from the beginning instead of when I graduate. so I can either pay my day to day or my college but not both. so, for no fucking reason, I find myself with neither of the options I'd forseen. I dont hate the US as much as I make it seem. I just hate the fact that I'm stuck here. there's nothing particularly bad about UNCG. davie... davie is the place where dreams go to die. colombia is home. there is simply a feeling when the plane arrives and I stumble out to the cold air outside the airport that says "this is home." when I sit down to drink and talk with m cousins about nothing in particular.
"when I get to colombia I'll start studying." but now I'm stuck here. with all my mediocrity from all those years staring at me wondering what the hell I'll do next. I am slowly piecing together an answer. I guess now I study. I stop fucking around, playing around and start getting some work done. it doesn't mean no more fun. just less fun. more productivity. and figure out what the fuck to do for the next 3 years of college.
no need to worry, this is all mostly delayed culture shock. I always thought I'd go back to colombia or if I stayed I would be under different circumstances. I got neither one but I'm still alive and I'm still here so the only real choice is keep going and remain sane.
who cared. I wasn't sticking around NC long enough for it to matter. but then, my junior year, an opportunity arose. it wasn't really likely, but by then I'd realized that I was going to have to finish high school in the US.
around the beginning of my senior year my dad got an offer to go to china for a year. he agreed to it as long as we came to visit over the summer and I got to stay for the semester after my senior year ended. the catch was that I had to be admitted into a college before I left. I was accepted at ECU and greensboro but I already knew I was going to greensboro. my parents would pay my first year of college and the rest would be up to me. I'd come here a year and see how things went and then I'd decide whether I wanted to stay or I wanted to leave.
so I graduated from high school and embarked on a trip around china to see new things and clear my head a bit. it didn't really clear my head. mostly it got cluttered with even more posibilities, but it was a really life-changing experience where I saw things about the world and myself that I'd never seen before or had mostly forgotten.
but coming back to the US was inevitable. college was everything I expected and more. the people, the classes, the lifestyle, the atmosphere were all great. heh. I try to type that there were questions still unanswered but that's a lie. I knew the answers from the beginning. so this summer before I left for colombia I made sure what I was going to do. while I was in colombia I looked up colleges and tried to get in touch with them. I found 2 I liked so I set about finding financial aid.
the idea was to quit greensboro at the end of this semester. work full time somewhere I could make a reasonable amount of money until the summer. then I would get citizenship status, go to colombia for college, and coming back to work every summer to pay for my day to day needs. I would graduate with very little debt and the ability to live and work in the US earning in dollars and paying off my debt in colombian pesos (yay exchange rate).
the reality that I'm still trying to grasp is that there are no loans or anything that would allow me to pull it off. all the loans begin to collect from the beginning instead of when I graduate. so I can either pay my day to day or my college but not both. so, for no fucking reason, I find myself with neither of the options I'd forseen. I dont hate the US as much as I make it seem. I just hate the fact that I'm stuck here. there's nothing particularly bad about UNCG. davie... davie is the place where dreams go to die. colombia is home. there is simply a feeling when the plane arrives and I stumble out to the cold air outside the airport that says "this is home." when I sit down to drink and talk with m cousins about nothing in particular.
"when I get to colombia I'll start studying." but now I'm stuck here. with all my mediocrity from all those years staring at me wondering what the hell I'll do next. I am slowly piecing together an answer. I guess now I study. I stop fucking around, playing around and start getting some work done. it doesn't mean no more fun. just less fun. more productivity. and figure out what the fuck to do for the next 3 years of college.
no need to worry, this is all mostly delayed culture shock. I always thought I'd go back to colombia or if I stayed I would be under different circumstances. I got neither one but I'm still alive and I'm still here so the only real choice is keep going and remain sane.