Being More Open
I was laid off... three weeks ago. Seems like longer. And I knew about it for four weeks before that.
I've had three interviews at two different places... didn't get either job. One of them is still very hard to let go of. Finding out through the recruitment company that the client thought I came from too structured an environment... just simply did not make sense. Everything seemed to go well... the recruiter was checking references, which were all great. I hope I was at least acceptable, and they just found someone they liked better. I'm not sure what I would have done if they had given me an offer... its really a Tier 2 helpdesk position, which is not what I had in mind... but I liked everything else.
On the bright side, 9 weeks of severance pay with full benefits is nice, and I have plenty besides that.
But the house is still falling apart. I hate to replace one thing at a time when what it really needs is an overhaul. The kitchen counter is not deep enough for any new dish washer to fit. And I really don't want to deal with it. When I'm not job hunting, I want to be doing web services and Oracle tutorials.
A lot has happened in seven weeks. And even before that. I went through a period of being unable to relax even before I found out about the lay off. Part of that was with evaluations -- which were actually fine... and then they cut our team size by two people, and I figured with getting a bonus and the team already having smaller people --- I didn't figure it was possible I'd get laid off. But still I couldn't relax.
Quitting coffee helped. At first. But even after that and before lay off notification, I had times when I just could not relax my arms and legs -- and I was getting random but infrequent odd hot sensations in my feet -- not unpleasant, but not caused by any sort of real heat.
The doctor had been considering putting me on HIV meds, saying "probably next visit". When the layoff happened, I told him NOW -- not because of benefits, but because I need to get it over with and get adjusted so that I'm not throwing up on job interviews or still adjusting at a new job. And I'm started... just had my first post-meds bloodwork drawn today.
The other big thing is that I finally told my mother about my being HIV+. She was fine... much better than I thought she'd be. My only real worry was that she might blame Rick.... but she doesn't... not a bit. And strangely she doesn't blame me -- not even in so far as to acknowledge it was a big oops. To her, I was simply at risk. I know better... that its not that simple. But, whatever, she knows. And honestly, I don't care whether my sister knows or not. I'd be a bit worried about my brother-in-law might think only because he's so.... unpredictably obsessive... but even he's fairly well enlightened. And though I love my sister... I really don't much care whether she knows about it. I guess, if I had a choice, I'd prefer she just didn't. But it feels like I really have some sort of obligation to tell my mother.... and actually I pretty much promised her as much many years ago that I would -- but my real motivation was just to get off my mind something that was bothering me.
I've been keeping up with LJ reading for the most part.
Oh yeah, I've been riding a bicycle. About 14 miles, two to three times a week. It was a early birthday present from Rick, just a couple days before I found out about getting laid off. Sometimes we go together.... I don't think I would have started myself, but its a nice outlet for me now.... to work off tension and get some exercise.
I guess that's it for the big picture. I will write about some lighter stuff soon.
I've had three interviews at two different places... didn't get either job. One of them is still very hard to let go of. Finding out through the recruitment company that the client thought I came from too structured an environment... just simply did not make sense. Everything seemed to go well... the recruiter was checking references, which were all great. I hope I was at least acceptable, and they just found someone they liked better. I'm not sure what I would have done if they had given me an offer... its really a Tier 2 helpdesk position, which is not what I had in mind... but I liked everything else.
On the bright side, 9 weeks of severance pay with full benefits is nice, and I have plenty besides that.
But the house is still falling apart. I hate to replace one thing at a time when what it really needs is an overhaul. The kitchen counter is not deep enough for any new dish washer to fit. And I really don't want to deal with it. When I'm not job hunting, I want to be doing web services and Oracle tutorials.
A lot has happened in seven weeks. And even before that. I went through a period of being unable to relax even before I found out about the lay off. Part of that was with evaluations -- which were actually fine... and then they cut our team size by two people, and I figured with getting a bonus and the team already having smaller people --- I didn't figure it was possible I'd get laid off. But still I couldn't relax.
Quitting coffee helped. At first. But even after that and before lay off notification, I had times when I just could not relax my arms and legs -- and I was getting random but infrequent odd hot sensations in my feet -- not unpleasant, but not caused by any sort of real heat.
The doctor had been considering putting me on HIV meds, saying "probably next visit". When the layoff happened, I told him NOW -- not because of benefits, but because I need to get it over with and get adjusted so that I'm not throwing up on job interviews or still adjusting at a new job. And I'm started... just had my first post-meds bloodwork drawn today.
The other big thing is that I finally told my mother about my being HIV+. She was fine... much better than I thought she'd be. My only real worry was that she might blame Rick.... but she doesn't... not a bit. And strangely she doesn't blame me -- not even in so far as to acknowledge it was a big oops. To her, I was simply at risk. I know better... that its not that simple. But, whatever, she knows. And honestly, I don't care whether my sister knows or not. I'd be a bit worried about my brother-in-law might think only because he's so.... unpredictably obsessive... but even he's fairly well enlightened. And though I love my sister... I really don't much care whether she knows about it. I guess, if I had a choice, I'd prefer she just didn't. But it feels like I really have some sort of obligation to tell my mother.... and actually I pretty much promised her as much many years ago that I would -- but my real motivation was just to get off my mind something that was bothering me.
I've been keeping up with LJ reading for the most part.
Oh yeah, I've been riding a bicycle. About 14 miles, two to three times a week. It was a early birthday present from Rick, just a couple days before I found out about getting laid off. Sometimes we go together.... I don't think I would have started myself, but its a nice outlet for me now.... to work off tension and get some exercise.
I guess that's it for the big picture. I will write about some lighter stuff soon.