Private entry...
I feel like a wrung out dishtowel.
Queen's twins...they left us for the next life. Queen had come back and they were very ill, and we all tried our hardest, but there was nothing that we could do for them. And then Cray came back, but he doesn't remember Queen or his kids. Add to this all the other things that I've been feeling and...I feel hopeless and useless. I have friends who I know would tell me otherwise, but until I start believing them...
I talked to Queen the other day and she talked about going on a trip to try to clear her head. All things considered, I think it's time that I go home for a while. [I know. This castle is home too, but as of late it's felt less and less like it.] I said to Queen that if she wanted to, she could spend a few days in the village with me and meet my family. I think being around family will be good for me, and I'm sure being around family would be good for her, too - I've told them so much about her and how much she helped me during the war.
I should talk to the Captain about what I am planning to do - he's going to be a little disappointed that I'm leaving but...if I come back a better person for it, I'm sure that he'll understand. It'll be good to be around my other family for a little while.
And speaking of my 'other' family, there've been whispers around the castle that Jimba went skinnydipping in the lake last night. I said to the gossippy woman I had overheard this from that that was a mental image I could do without.
She replied, "I rather like that mental image!" She winked at me and went about her gossippy business.
Jimba never struck me as any sort of ladies' man in the village, but to hear that one woman tell it, he's got some sort of following here. He's a nice guy, some woman would be very lucky to get him.
I feel bad that I haven't even been out to help Cecile find her dog - I heard about that while I was out on the plains. And no, I didn't see the dog out there.
Anyway, I should get moving - I have a little bit of packing to do and I need to talk to a few people to cover my shifts down in the infirmary. I have no idea how long we might be gone - I guess I'll be gone until I can look at things with a fresh set of eyes. That'll be good - I'm tired of being angry and sad all the time. It's time for a change.