let go

[spiralred]

I got profoundly shaken up today. My cat Mike was found dead this morning.

For the first time in a long time I didn't muscle myself through everything (other than forcing myself to pick up a dead cat and put it in a kitchen bag). I didn't know what to do, so I called for help. That's a total breakthrough for me, calling for help. And when she couldn't help me she got someone else to help me instead, and instead of expecting that I might be okay, that I could get myself over in a few hours I called out for the whole day, I gave myself time to be sad. I made myself time to be sad.

I feel guilty about the cat dying and I will let myself feel that way. It takes time to forgive myself. I let the other cats comfort me and I gave my dad a hug. I spent the day in bed instead of forcing myself to seek other comfort. I let myself be distracted, I let myself be discomforted. I accepted condolences with thanks.

Maybe this is a lesson in mourning, I think I need to give myself a lot more permission to let go.

Permission to love

Permission to quit

Permission to be kind (even to oneself)

Permission to let go and trust others to pick up your slack