Tired

[spiralred]

I am getting really fucking tired of telling myself no.

Everyday I say that I'm not ready for this.

Not healthy enough, not well enough.

But maybe I am. There is no reason why I shouldn't succeed, right?

There is no reason that shouldn't try even if I fail.

People think that i am bold, that I am fearless. Maybe it is time for me to start acting like it.

I did not waste my time by grieving.

I am not stalling on finishing school, I recognized my priorities and I did what was needed.

My sacrifices did not go to waste.

I will not define myself by tragedy.

I will not stop loving Duane for anyone, it's my relationship and it's my say. My metamours might influence how that relationship continues to grow, but it is wholly mine.

I will not stop calling Duane my husband or myself a widow to appease other people.

I will choose when and how to hold or share my secrets in a way that is healthy for me.

I won't waste time on lovers who don't respect the value of my choosing to share myself with them despite how I am still broken and hurting.

I will pursue my dreams.

I will believe in my dreams.

I will stop discounting my goals and telling myself that they are worthless or stupid or unmarketable.

I will stop wasting time.

I will earn and command respect.

I will work with the people that I can learn from.

I will ask for what I want.

I will keep up with my waifu.

I will be proud of myself.

I will continue to make loving others a priority.

I will not stop.

I will become cosmic.