bienvenue
At worky work work. Less than an hour ago thunder cracked over our roof, & then someone started throwing rocks at our building. Or it was just hailing. Like, hailstones larger than walnut shells were falling on our tin roof (which always provides for a dramatic storm, ice pellets or not). Kate (one of our frequent customers) & I ran to the wide windowview of the grad lab & stared out at the nearby hot blue lightning bolts being shot down from the gray haze. Then the hail smoothly transitioned into a torrential downpour that I thought would sweep away the cars parked along Mt. Royal. woooosh, bye! But that didn't happen, unfortunately. No, it was just another rather boring day here at the print lab, just happened to be a thunderstorm, that's all.
My second appointment with my new therapist is today after work. She's nice & is also named Stephanie, & she specializes in treating those with PTSD & eating disorders, neither with which I am afflicted. She gave me homework. Hopefully it goes better than my last counselor... he was awful. Don't need to get into that again.
I am bored. Do you ever occupy yourself with someone you've only met once? I just can't get this person out of my head & I hardly know him. I'm sure he doesn't remember me well or would think well of me if he did. I hate how the guys I seem to be attracted to, who come few & far between, don't even give me a second glance because I don't have that edgy "look." I don't want to change my appearance for the sake of expecting extra attention. I just don't understand it.
But this person seems almost perfect to me. Ideal. But the distance isn't local so I have no chance of meeting this person again or getting to know him. Whatever. It makes sense, things always work out that way for me anyway. I don't deserve anything worthwhile or convenient.
Maybe I'll go run today. Post-rain running is nice to me. Especially if I get the chance to run while it's raining... too late though.
I hate that I can't get a job. I don't know why businesses won't hire me. I can't live on this paycheck, though. I'm seriously approaching debt & am getting super anxious. I won't be able to afford any supplies come August! Shit.
Why why WHYY did Camp Thoreau have to fucking fire me? They could have at least given me a reason. But now I have this hanging over my head, that businesses are calling them for a reference and god knows what reasons CT is giving these places to avoid hiring me. & Ray is an unsympathetic shit who doesn't care that they didn't hire me back, & can only guess that the reason they didn't do so was because I was weakening him in his position there. what the fuck, really!
Fuck all you successful business-minded yuppies-to-be who hardly have to shake a hand to get your way. There's endless opportunities for you, thanks to your glorious resumé practically filled to bursting with delicious experiences, sky-high GPAs & skills galore. I try but there's almost always something or someone getting in my way. There's always going to be someone better than me, & that crushes me. I'm not going to be able to get where I want to get. My friends are always going to be able to maintain their disappointment in my mediocre academic performance & my lack of extra-curriculars. I guess at least people can depend on me in that respect--that I will never fail to disappoint.
time to go to my appointment.
My second appointment with my new therapist is today after work. She's nice & is also named Stephanie, & she specializes in treating those with PTSD & eating disorders, neither with which I am afflicted. She gave me homework. Hopefully it goes better than my last counselor... he was awful. Don't need to get into that again.
I am bored. Do you ever occupy yourself with someone you've only met once? I just can't get this person out of my head & I hardly know him. I'm sure he doesn't remember me well or would think well of me if he did. I hate how the guys I seem to be attracted to, who come few & far between, don't even give me a second glance because I don't have that edgy "look." I don't want to change my appearance for the sake of expecting extra attention. I just don't understand it.
But this person seems almost perfect to me. Ideal. But the distance isn't local so I have no chance of meeting this person again or getting to know him. Whatever. It makes sense, things always work out that way for me anyway. I don't deserve anything worthwhile or convenient.
Maybe I'll go run today. Post-rain running is nice to me. Especially if I get the chance to run while it's raining... too late though.
I hate that I can't get a job. I don't know why businesses won't hire me. I can't live on this paycheck, though. I'm seriously approaching debt & am getting super anxious. I won't be able to afford any supplies come August! Shit.
Why why WHYY did Camp Thoreau have to fucking fire me? They could have at least given me a reason. But now I have this hanging over my head, that businesses are calling them for a reference and god knows what reasons CT is giving these places to avoid hiring me. & Ray is an unsympathetic shit who doesn't care that they didn't hire me back, & can only guess that the reason they didn't do so was because I was weakening him in his position there. what the fuck, really!
Fuck all you successful business-minded yuppies-to-be who hardly have to shake a hand to get your way. There's endless opportunities for you, thanks to your glorious resumé practically filled to bursting with delicious experiences, sky-high GPAs & skills galore. I try but there's almost always something or someone getting in my way. There's always going to be someone better than me, & that crushes me. I'm not going to be able to get where I want to get. My friends are always going to be able to maintain their disappointment in my mediocre academic performance & my lack of extra-curriculars. I guess at least people can depend on me in that respect--that I will never fail to disappoint.
time to go to my appointment.