(no subject)
i went and saw bob in jail today and it broke my heart. he saw me and just started crying. damn i love that boy. my life is changed. starting today. i am done with the drugs all of them i swore to bob and he promised me and i swear if he goes back on that its going to break my heart. i can't take any more dissapointment from him. so i am staying in tonya's house of rehab and being clean. my life starts over today. hmmmmmmmmmmm funny how it works. i had to see him like that god........ its hard so hard i know that i have to give up todd. i know i have to but i don't want too. i love that boy, everythng about him but i've gotta get myself away from the dope. and he is so much a part of that. as i'm sitting here writing this cody calls me........ i don't hear from him in weeks and he calls me today of all days. i am depressed excited lonely achy confused hurt dependant. i have lied to everyone i know about the drugs except for bob at this point only he knows how bad it was and is. he's the only one who knows me for who i am at this exact point but i'm proud to say that i am no longer that person. i have been doing dope on a daily basis for at least the past 6 months and i'm ready to admit that now because i need help to be clean and i think you need to know how bad it is. i just need to be loved and held. that was the worst, bob said he just wanted to be hugged and held and feel loved, its so cold there and to see him with fuck nevermind i don't want to talk about it anymore