Giulia Hitorigoto?
Four days are left to 2010. Four days to start a brand new year.
Four minutes to a quarter past midnight. Four thoughts to begin this closing balance.
2010. My feelings say that this year wasn't a good one. People on the outside would say that it was one of the best ones for me.
Actually it was a pretty successful year, professionally speaking. I graduated after 3 hard years of university, I entered the master course, I took the JLPT and finally I won a scholarship to work in my university's library. I should be satisfied of all this but I don't, since this year I didn't have to take any class and do any exams I just stayed home writing my thesis and slacking around. I've searched for a job for a while but in the end nobody called me back so I just gave up. I mean, I spent my year not feeling like a socially useful person.
On the private life it was even worse. It was my first year totally single after ages, the last December I broke up with my ex after 3 years. I've had only something that can't even be called a relationship that brought me more pain and tears and complexes than the break-up with my historical boyfriend. The most meaningful relationship I had is the one in my mind with Shige LOL. That's sad.
Just few time ago I realized that I don't have any "best friends" anymore. In all my life I considered like that a boy and a girl who I know since always but growing up we weren't able to keep our ties tight. I don't talk with them since months and I don't think they miss me too much, maybe I don't do that either. This idea makes me sad but I think that the blames are on every side and perhaps it just had to end like this. Talking about blames, I still got issues with my actual best friend because of that twisted "something" we had, he seems to ignore all of it but I can't be the same as before in front of him. Time will talk. After this Christmas of dramas I can definitively say that my family is a big mess too, anyway.
What else there is...Don't know, I mostly stayed shut at home so I didn't have big social life in 2010. The big things were all about fandom. I'm really grateful to that day in which I saw Taiyou no Namida on youtube and fell in love for some weird reason with those six guys. Fandom was so useful everytime I felt down this year. I'm glad that my Lj with my translations are a success and that I make people happy with them, I'm glad that I've met so many people who always listened to me or just talk to me sometimes, many people that I can call "friends" even if we're miles away.
So don't know, my feelings for 2010 are mixed. It's not been a totally bad year, I had many satisfactions and good things, but I don't consider it a good one, too many things that made me unhappy and sad about myself. As always I easily realize that all the fails of the year are only my fault, I grew older but still I fall back into the same old mistakes. Maybe one day, maybe next year, I'll learn.
I stopped making New Year's resolutions because I don't want to feel miserable whenever I'll realize that once again I didn't keep even one of them, so this year too I won't. I'm going to make simple wishes.
I wish things won't get worse, I wish to feel like a normal person, to have a little of social life more, to not lose any more friends. I wish to be stronger enough to say: "Giulia, this side of your character didn't bring you anything good last year, change yourself this time".
I wish to stay myself, to keep my values, to cherish the good sides and smooth the bad ones. I wish to be peaceful.