(no subject)
sometimes I wonder what made me the way that I am. parents, siblings, friends. all college graduates or well on the way there. They have lives where they go places and talk to people and have real jobs where they don't rely on an eighteen year old to give them shifts that only last two hours
I wasn't molested or abused. I wanted for nothing growing up. I'm relatively smart.
What in me just prevents me from caring the way other people do. I don't have alot of money. I know I could get a job somewhere if I tried. I know I NEED a job but I just keep trudging along not making any kind of effort
I never had to make any real effort to get this job and the job at the theater so I guess part of me assumes no one would hire me (petco wont, after two online applications) so even looking for a job is a waste of time
college? I just have no interest. none. I didnt in highschool. I want to want to go. Nick wants me to go. my parents, aunts and uncles, siblings. pretty much everyone I meet shoots me a brief look of "what's wrong with you?" when they find out high school is my highest level of education
I just get this radiant wave of disappointment from everyone. all the time. "Oh you're still working at a gym for 7-9 hours a week and you arent in college. oh. ok."
I feel like I've lost all girlfriend appeal. Nick must wonder how he managed to move in with someone who has no life and no friends. I assume he spends a few hours a day daydreaming about what his life would be like if he had started dating someone closer to his age with more of his interests. I know he must regret breaking up with his last girlfriend, Lindsey. He tells me he doesnt
Really I don't know what's keeping us together. this house? pity? I love him. He tells me he loves me. sometimes I dont know if he means it anymore
Couples are supposed to have seperate groups of friends, right? Nick should have his friends the he goes out with and I have mine. Instead we just have nick's friends that I guess tolerate me
Every family has the fuck up and I guess that's me
I wasn't molested or abused. I wanted for nothing growing up. I'm relatively smart.
What in me just prevents me from caring the way other people do. I don't have alot of money. I know I could get a job somewhere if I tried. I know I NEED a job but I just keep trudging along not making any kind of effort
I never had to make any real effort to get this job and the job at the theater so I guess part of me assumes no one would hire me (petco wont, after two online applications) so even looking for a job is a waste of time
college? I just have no interest. none. I didnt in highschool. I want to want to go. Nick wants me to go. my parents, aunts and uncles, siblings. pretty much everyone I meet shoots me a brief look of "what's wrong with you?" when they find out high school is my highest level of education
I just get this radiant wave of disappointment from everyone. all the time. "Oh you're still working at a gym for 7-9 hours a week and you arent in college. oh. ok."
I feel like I've lost all girlfriend appeal. Nick must wonder how he managed to move in with someone who has no life and no friends. I assume he spends a few hours a day daydreaming about what his life would be like if he had started dating someone closer to his age with more of his interests. I know he must regret breaking up with his last girlfriend, Lindsey. He tells me he doesnt
Really I don't know what's keeping us together. this house? pity? I love him. He tells me he loves me. sometimes I dont know if he means it anymore
Couples are supposed to have seperate groups of friends, right? Nick should have his friends the he goes out with and I have mine. Instead we just have nick's friends that I guess tolerate me
Every family has the fuck up and I guess that's me