"You just might find, if you give it time, you will wave hello again"
I LEAVE FOR LONDON TOMORROW!!!
And I am no longer freaking out about getting there cause when I went to the ticket counter yesterday and asked how it was looking and they said there were 50 open seats and I was only 6th on the standby list. Um. Score. Anxiety one - gone.
I got the test results back. I'm okay. Hopefully. As of right now at least. I'm trying not to think of the negatives my doctor told me and instead focus only on the positives. (Which I guess is true for the rest of my life as well.) I am okay. And until follow-ups prove otherwise, I will remind myself of this over and over and over. Anxiety two - almost gone.
I suck at packing. Pretty sure I'm forgetting something. I usually always am. And you'd think I'd have the hang of this by now.
I'm a little nervous about meeting up with Jen and Laura. Like, the logistics of it all. I mean, I shouldn't be - I went 4 months without technology to contact people in various countries and still managed to meet up with people - but still. It's a little overwhelming. After all, I've had so much anxiety the past month and with nearly all of it gone I feel like I need something to fret about.
I had a wonderful time watching the World Cup game today. :) Makes me even more excited to watch the Final in London. And even more excited to come back to the US in a week too.
There's been this annoying rattling noise in my car lately and today I finally got it checked out. I need a new shock. I am surprised I didn't think of that before what with all the horrible roads I drive on in Boston.
The other day when I was in International I saw a group of high school kids all sitting together wearing the same t-shirts. Then I saw their lanyards. People to People Student Ambassador Program. I teared up a little. How was that seriously 8 years ago?! Before Semester at Sea, that program changed my life. In so many ways. And I was noticing little things that were different. Like, they were all on their phones and playing around with their digital cameras. Dude. I brought 12 rolls of film with me on that trip and a pre-paid 2 hour phone card. That was the first time in a long time that I felt drastically older than I ever thought I was.
My phone on loud is not loud. As I discovered today. It's annoying.
I love crazy dancing. Even when it's 90 degrees out. Best thing to do. Ever.
I really need to clean my room. Betting that won't happen until after London.
I'm noticing I'm making lists of things in correlation with my trips. Before London. After London. Before Cancun. After Cancun. I think I really need to start making use of the calendar on my wall.
I've been thinking a lot lately about risk. And excuses. And, more specifically, how I merge the two in all variations of my life. I always make excuses so I never really take the risk. But when I do - on the rare occasion - take the risk, I end up with numerous excuses being thrown at me. Or maybe they're just warnings. I don't really know. It's all so confusing and it kind of makes my head hurt.
Reading old journal entries got me thinking a lot too. How this time in my life reminds me of Summer 2004. I really hated that summer - in the moment. But then when I looked back on it a year later, I realized I didn't really hate it at all. I hope that rings true for this summer too.
I kind of wish you hadn't told me you still read this. But, also, I'm kind of glad you did.
I can't believe I'm finally leaving the country tomorrow. Could not have come at a better time.
To leave it off - a few songs/lyrics that have been resonating with me lately:
"Straight up, what did you hope to learn about here
If I was someone else, would this all fall apart?
Strange, where were you when we started this gig?
I wish the real world would just stop hassling me
And you
And me" - Matchbox Twenty
"I am thirty-two flavors and then some
And I'm beyond your peripheral vision
So you might want to turn your head
Cause someday you're going to get hungry
And eat most of the words you just said" - Ani Difranco
"Cause the chase is all you know
And she stopped running months ago"
"The flames and smoke climbed out of every window
And disappeared with everything that you held dear
And you shed not a single tear for the things that you didn't need
'Cause you knew you were finally free" - Death Cab
"This is how it works, you're young until you're not,
You love until you don't,
You try until you can't,
You laugh until you cry,
You cry until you laugh,
And everyone must breathe until their dying breath.
This is how it works, you peer inside yourself,
You take the things you like, and try to love the things you took,
And then you take that love you made,
And stick into some - someone else's heart,
Pumping someone else's blood.
And walking arm in arm,
You hope it don't get harmed,
But even if it does you'll just do it all again" - Regina Spektor
"And if you never stop when you wave goodbye
You just might find
If you give it time
You will wave hello again"
"I believe
That my life's gonna see
The love I give
Return to me" - John Mayer
Songs remind me of times in my life more than any memory ever could. But, then again, you already knew that, didn't you?
And I am no longer freaking out about getting there cause when I went to the ticket counter yesterday and asked how it was looking and they said there were 50 open seats and I was only 6th on the standby list. Um. Score. Anxiety one - gone.
I got the test results back. I'm okay. Hopefully. As of right now at least. I'm trying not to think of the negatives my doctor told me and instead focus only on the positives. (Which I guess is true for the rest of my life as well.) I am okay. And until follow-ups prove otherwise, I will remind myself of this over and over and over. Anxiety two - almost gone.
I suck at packing. Pretty sure I'm forgetting something. I usually always am. And you'd think I'd have the hang of this by now.
I'm a little nervous about meeting up with Jen and Laura. Like, the logistics of it all. I mean, I shouldn't be - I went 4 months without technology to contact people in various countries and still managed to meet up with people - but still. It's a little overwhelming. After all, I've had so much anxiety the past month and with nearly all of it gone I feel like I need something to fret about.
I had a wonderful time watching the World Cup game today. :) Makes me even more excited to watch the Final in London. And even more excited to come back to the US in a week too.
There's been this annoying rattling noise in my car lately and today I finally got it checked out. I need a new shock. I am surprised I didn't think of that before what with all the horrible roads I drive on in Boston.
The other day when I was in International I saw a group of high school kids all sitting together wearing the same t-shirts. Then I saw their lanyards. People to People Student Ambassador Program. I teared up a little. How was that seriously 8 years ago?! Before Semester at Sea, that program changed my life. In so many ways. And I was noticing little things that were different. Like, they were all on their phones and playing around with their digital cameras. Dude. I brought 12 rolls of film with me on that trip and a pre-paid 2 hour phone card. That was the first time in a long time that I felt drastically older than I ever thought I was.
My phone on loud is not loud. As I discovered today. It's annoying.
I love crazy dancing. Even when it's 90 degrees out. Best thing to do. Ever.
I really need to clean my room. Betting that won't happen until after London.
I'm noticing I'm making lists of things in correlation with my trips. Before London. After London. Before Cancun. After Cancun. I think I really need to start making use of the calendar on my wall.
I've been thinking a lot lately about risk. And excuses. And, more specifically, how I merge the two in all variations of my life. I always make excuses so I never really take the risk. But when I do - on the rare occasion - take the risk, I end up with numerous excuses being thrown at me. Or maybe they're just warnings. I don't really know. It's all so confusing and it kind of makes my head hurt.
Reading old journal entries got me thinking a lot too. How this time in my life reminds me of Summer 2004. I really hated that summer - in the moment. But then when I looked back on it a year later, I realized I didn't really hate it at all. I hope that rings true for this summer too.
I kind of wish you hadn't told me you still read this. But, also, I'm kind of glad you did.
I can't believe I'm finally leaving the country tomorrow. Could not have come at a better time.
To leave it off - a few songs/lyrics that have been resonating with me lately:
"Straight up, what did you hope to learn about here
If I was someone else, would this all fall apart?
Strange, where were you when we started this gig?
I wish the real world would just stop hassling me
And you
And me" - Matchbox Twenty
"I am thirty-two flavors and then some
And I'm beyond your peripheral vision
So you might want to turn your head
Cause someday you're going to get hungry
And eat most of the words you just said" - Ani Difranco
"Cause the chase is all you know
And she stopped running months ago"
"The flames and smoke climbed out of every window
And disappeared with everything that you held dear
And you shed not a single tear for the things that you didn't need
'Cause you knew you were finally free" - Death Cab
"This is how it works, you're young until you're not,
You love until you don't,
You try until you can't,
You laugh until you cry,
You cry until you laugh,
And everyone must breathe until their dying breath.
This is how it works, you peer inside yourself,
You take the things you like, and try to love the things you took,
And then you take that love you made,
And stick into some - someone else's heart,
Pumping someone else's blood.
And walking arm in arm,
You hope it don't get harmed,
But even if it does you'll just do it all again" - Regina Spektor
"And if you never stop when you wave goodbye
You just might find
If you give it time
You will wave hello again"
"I believe
That my life's gonna see
The love I give
Return to me" - John Mayer
Songs remind me of times in my life more than any memory ever could. But, then again, you already knew that, didn't you?