One Mitzvah Can Change The World, Two Will Just Make You Tired
I can not believe I never posted this up on my journal. I looked back to my past three years (4 Year aniversary coming up in 4 days) and couldn't find a single entry about it. Probably because it's a philosphy I have had my entire life, and have told it to pretty much everyone, so I never really felt the need to put it down on "paper". The Theory: Valentines Day is a day for suckers. Now hear me out on this one before you chalk it up to a embittered, "old", lonely man who is just venting his frustrations on being alone every Valentines Day his entire life (except for one), but I assure you it has little if anything to do with that. Valentines Day is one of the few holidays which is very exclusive. Exclusive you ask? Yes, exclusive; exclusive to anyone who is not in a "romantic" relationship, whether it be happy, sad, multiple, or anything else, if you don't have one, you are "not allowed" to enjoy it, at least not like everyone else seems to. No other holiday really does that. If I wear a green shirt, I can get drunk as hell off my ass on St. Patrick's Day (not the real point of the holiday, but I don't get "banned" from it). I can skip work and praise "equal" rights on Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Hell, I can even celebrate Christmas, but unless I have a girlfriend, I can not celebrate Valentines Day. Not only that, I get that fact rubbed in my face with every commercial I see/hear, every billboard on the streets/subways/buses, and even every store I walk into. It's disgusting.
Then there is the price hike. Now I am not a cheap man. You can ask the only girlfriend I have ever had on Valentines Day (if she is interested in talking about me), and she will tell you (if she decides to talk) that I go all out if that's what my girl would like, no matter how much money I may (or in that case, may not) have. Including, thoughful gifts, a fancy dinner at a nice restaurant, and just an over all pleasant evening. But why, just because it is Valentines Day, should I be forced to sign over an organ or two, just so I can afford to eat? And why should a box of candy, which I would normally be able to buy for not as much, even from a fancier chocolateer, cost exponentially more? And now I have to buy a card? And Flowers (all of which I have done)? Seriously? COME ON! It's like some kind of marketing scheme to generate money in a season where the market would otherwise slump...
And most importantly, and probably my most justified reason in hating Valentines Day, the forced romance. Why is it that we must (as a couple, assuming people are a part of one) be forced to be affectionate on a specific day which has no real meaning except for the fact that it happens to be that day? There are three times during the year where the day should dictate "romance", and they are Anniversaries, Birthdays (which tend to be focused more on the birthdayee), and "The Gift Holidays" (Christmas and Channuka, and I guess Kwanza if gifts are traditional). One these days is it expected to be romantic to the point of almost feeling forced, but nowhere near as bad as Valentines day (well maybe Anniversaries can be as tough, if not tougher). Valentines Day is just now a "fourth" time for a person (in a relationship) to feel forced to show affection. That's just not how I am. I am a huge fan of spontaneous romance. Why should a day dictate a special occation. Why can't you go out for a nice dinner just because it's Wednesday. Or have a romantic picnic in the park because this morning you were inspired by how the light hit your significant other's face when it broke through the bedroom shades that morning? But, oh, it's Valentines Day, so today I will show my love because today I have to. The rest of the year I can take off and not love. It just doesn't make sense, and I hope my theory makes you think twice before you drop $100 per person on a prix fix dinner at "le Chateau De Merde" just because it's Valentines Day.
In other news, Fox News is so entertaining. once again after House, I forgot to change the channel right away. What was the big story of the evening? Nor-Easter 2007, of course. They had 5 different on-the-scenes reporters in five different locations talking about the "storm of the season", and a graphic logo which harkened me back to the early days of Mad TV when they would make fun of sensationalist news reports of killer bees and other such paranoid reporting. It was incredibly amuzing, expecially for the amount of "storm" I woke up to. The way they were talking about it, you would have thought we were all going to die from the amount of "winter" we were about to be hit with. It was quite amuzing. It was pretty obvious to me that by that point in the evening, that this storm was not going to amount to much, so I can only assume that they were feeling the same way. So I can only imagine what the conversation was like at the New York City Fox Affiliate News Station was like:
"So the storm is comin, huh?"
"Yeah, but it's not going to be that big."
"So does that mean we can't go all out with the graphics and dangerous music and such?"
"No, sorry, we are just going to have to report on other 'more important' things."
"Oh, but that's not fair!"
"Well I am sorry, but that's just how it's going to have to be."
"But the other Fox stations got to use the graphics and scary music."
"Well if the other fox affiliates jumped off a bridge, would you do it to?"
"Most likely."
"Ok, fine, you can do it, but you can only use 5 on the scenes reporters."
"Only five? But MOOOOOOOOM."
"Do you want me to make it four?"
"No..."
"Well then take my offer."
"Fiiiiine"
::stomps off kicking feet and moping::
I have so much work to be doing today. Good thing I can do this and pretend it's something important.
Today's Entry:
Dentrification - The process of giving things teeth that shouldn't have them, like that Horror movie coming out called "Teeth"
"Dude, did you see my hand puppet act? It got a whole lot crazier when I put my hand through Dentrification. Of course masterbating has become a bit of a problem."