A Perfect Woman
Weekend update? Ha, not this weekend my friends. Not that it was an uneventful weekend, but I did so much partying and so little recovery time, that there isn't much to say. In brief, attended a house warming party on Friday night at Jason's apartment (Jason was on birthright, so obviously it was another birthright party). Two of our Madrechim showed up Amit and Udi (who was supposed to be back in Israel but extended his stay). Then the next morning, I got a call from my momtelling me that Bard Widensky proposed to his girlfriend the previous night. So now Bradley is engaged. And Gavin is also engaged. Let's hope they plan their weddings far enough in the future that I might actually have a girlfriend to bring to the parties, and they plan them far enough apart that I don't have two weddings in a row. That would suck.
But speaking of girlfriends, I have decided to tap into my readers, get some fish-hooks out there. I have come to the conclution that JDate, and all other online dating services, sucks. Sucks hardcore. Sucks Giant Israeli Cat's Balls. And I am not about to pick up no bar whores either. I'm done with that. So here is a check list for the "perfect" woman for me. The more matches on the check list, the better, but hopefully nothing less then 50%, although some issues way heavier then others, but listed in no particular order:
- Close to my age (22-27)
- Not taller then me (5'10")
- Not a midget
- NOT crazy, unless it's crazy in a good way like "Man, we should invite over _______, things always get crazy when she's here, but not that bad kind of crazy where we think she's going to kill everyone. That good kind, that's awesome."
- Attractive on a level that does not require beer goggles, but not so overly attractive that I worry every five seconds she is cheating on me because I am a beast by comparison
- Redhead
- All limbs and extremities intact and still attached to the body
- She can not have a penis where her vagina is supposed to be
- Likes movies, at least to a point where she can keep up with me on a simple game of movie pong or just quotes; OR be interested enough to have me teach them everything i know to catch them up.
- Likes music, at least to the point where she knows what I am talking about when talking about music, and preferably to a point where she can sing along like an idiot with me on car rides
- Jewish, not too religious, but not overly secular to the point of not really being anything. If not Jewish, keen to the idea of converstion
- Someone who will take care of me when i am sick and call in work so I don't have to
- Someone who will DVR my favorite shows on their DVR as well so I can watch it at their place if i want to
- Someone who gets as into halloween as I do
- A person who says they are creative and ACTUALLY ARE creative
- I don't like liars
- Sorry to offend, but I have weight limits, so no really big girls
- Sorry to offend, but I have weight limits, so no really skinny girls who I can break just by hugging them
- Sorry to offend, but I have eye sight, no uglies
- Sorry to offend, but I have a very sensitive nose, no BO problems
- Sorry to offend, but my ears work fine, so no extremely loud girls (except when it counts) and someone with a pleasant/interesting voice
- Should like to cook, at least a little, I don't want to be the only one who ever does
- Should be able to give a DECENT massage, doesn't have to be great, but I am tired of giving them and not getting them
- Must like oral sex
- Should REALLY like oral sex
- Also regular sex
- And possibly not-so-regular sex
- Should like to travel, including road trips and camping
- Sense of humor, should at least be on par with mine, but that's an obvious one
- I really like bright green eyes
- A level of intelligence which is on par with mine, not too hard to achieve, but no idiots and noone who makes me feel like (more of) a retard
- Someone who will look at this list and laugh at the obvious joke that it is
- And then have hot sex with me because I am so funny
- Someone who comes from lots of money, so I never NEED to work, I just do it to occupy my days
- Someone with a pet giraffe
- Someone who would be happy with a video game room in the house with shelves for collected action figures and showpiece bongs
- Someone who can mix a mean drink and then serve it to me
- Someone who would tell me that I should have stopped this list before I started it because it is such a bad idea
- Last, and most important, someone who inspires me to do great things, but doesn't force that inspiration
Ok, now that you think I am crazy, and every JDate girl who reads my journal though my profile no longer wants to talk to me, I will sign off.
Today's Entry:
Fish-Hook - To put someone thing out, either as a teaser or precursor, of information to lure people in who might be interested to the full situation
"I want to plan a group trip, but I am going to send out a fish-hook invite first to see who might be interested and when the best time would be."