Do Really Want To Live Forever, And Ever, And Ever? Forever Young
Ok, So here is a story about my Tuesday. If you find it funny, then you truely understand "office life", and if you don't get it, just assume that it is funny and laugh out loud at your computer.
It starts off on Monday afternoon when I am asked by my boss and the party planner (two separate people in a private meeting of the three of us) to make the invitations for the office Christmas Party, not to be confused with the Crazy Corporate Christmas Party, or CCCP (I get it!), that would be circulated around the office. They wanted me because they know I am artistic, creative, handsome, awesome, and frankly the greatest person in all the land...sorry, I got lost in a self-love tangent, apparently one in which people say "in all the land". Anyway, I didn't get out of that meeting until 4pm Monday, so I decided it would be best to finish whatever work I had left for the day and start on the invitation art work first thing in the morning, which would also give me all night to think of ideas on what to do, since I received no instructions other then what information should be conveyed and to be bright and festive. After much deliberation I ended up going with some new Monkeys, since most of the people in the office know/love/beg-for my "emo" and "do" monkeys, I figure it'd be a fun festive fit.
So come Tuesday, I start my day off with average "complications", a bit of a late start, an overly crowded subway, and I think it was raining. Over all, nothing too major, just enough to make me say "Uch" when I got into an empty office that morning. Then the day progressed as normal, with me working on this artwork, with a self-set deadline of mid-afternoon for at least artistic completion, giving me until 5 (once the art was approved) to get the text down and a first draft handed in for approval (they take their party invitations seriously up in this piece). I then get a call at 10:30am from my boss to ask me if the invitations were done and ready so he could bring them to the meeting. I told him that I was only on the artwork, but gave him my deadline. Then an hour later the meeting started (the meetings in my office are held in the conference room, but also broadcast over a closed circuit sound system and televisions around the office, for those of us who have to work).
At one point in the meeting an agent brought in a member of her BNI (Business Networking Initiative) Group to speak and hawk his promotional products, which is something I have been doing for my father since I started here, and it was pretty much known that my father was the guy to go to in this office. This pissed me off greatly for a number of reasons. One, it's no secret that my father needs the business. Two, it is no secret that I have been pushing my father since January. Three, I have not been allowed to speak at meetings on behalf of my father, for no real specified reason, and have been reduced to handing out reminder flyers in peoples mailboxes, which usually get thrown away. Four, my father is at a disadvantage being based down in Florida, and not being able to come and speak in person. And I won't even get into five, six or seven. Needless to say, the entire situation got me a little (a lot of) pissed off.
So angrily I spend the rest of the morning and early afternoon, even working through lunch, drawing, scanning, editing, and then coloring these monkeys:
So at around 3pm, I bring these drawings laid out in a basic set up on a piece of paper to show what the layout with roughly look like, just to get my manager's approval on the art work before I continued. So I bring them to him, and he is looking like he is in a not-so-great mood, talking on the phone. I stand at the door waiting, and he asks the person on the phone to hold on, puts the receiver on his desk, and waves me over. I walk to his desk with much trepidation (as I am worried about his mood and how he will respond to my entire days work, after all, this was a very important project). He takes on look at the sheet and frankly declares, "I hate it." I am stunned, but quickly regain myself and ask him what he hates, what I can fix, trying to get some specifics as to what I could improve, and he just states again "I just hate it. I hate everything about it. Start over from the beginning. Go back to the drawing board." He then picks up the phone and I leave his office.
This on top of the earlier promotional products crap, got me in a pretty foul mood. I storm back up to my desk and immediately start to complain about how shitty the day has now become. I then turn to Wendy, my partner in crime up here, to bitch about how this is so messed up and he was so serious and adamant (adam ant?) about how much he hated my work and wanted me to start over, and how much it sucked to have wasted an entire day. Not to mention the fact that I was extremely proud of the work, and I really liked it. So I decided since I worked through lunch to go out and buy some soup and just get some air for a bit. I drag Wendy with me and she tells me that she feels kind of bad because she had told my boss to say something like that, as a joke, but since he made no indications of a joke, that he must have really hated it and went about it in a jerky way to tell me so. So we get back to the office with our soups, and set down in the cafe-area where we continue to bitch and moan about how much shit this whole day has been. I then get back to work on a new picture, editing the faces of my three bosses onto pictures of characters from the movie "Elf". It was a cheap piece of crap that I was just making sort of as a "fine, you don't like quality, take this crap" gesture. As we all know, my shit don't stink and the picture didn't come out terrible. The people I showed it to liked it. I then left it down stairs for my managers approval and left for the night.
As I barely get passed the block, I pick up my phone to call my mom and tell her this story to hopefully get a sympathetic mommy over the phone hug, and as I am about to hit speed dial 4, my phone rings, and it's my boss. I say "Hey, what’s going on" since I am off the clock and say that, and he immediately says "You know I was kidding earlier right? I did really like those monkeys. Wendy told me to tell you I hated it."
I was stunned and immediately started laughing at the entire situation. I guess the laughter was also part of a huge emotional release, because I was laughing pretty hard walking down Broadway. I explained to him that I had no idea he was joking and because of it worked on another picture, which I could (and did) end up just throwing in with the other drawings as a signature. He then said to me "Oh, well I was kind of hoping to have it done today." I told him "Well I lost a lot of time having to make a new picture" and I guess he understood, although I am also sure he doesn't really understand how much work actually goes into this stuff.
My mom didn't see the humor in the situation, and wondered why I didn't ask if he was serious. My dad thought it was hysterical.
There has still been no improvement on the Promotional Products situation though. Anyone want to buy stuff with their names and corporate logo on them?
Something Funny and Office Related
In lieu of a new entry, here is a review of all the words and phrases of JoshSpeak thus far:
1) Flobdalflick - dirt or stain on a person or article of clothing
"Sarah, you've got some flobdalflick on your blouse. It's probably from that cake you were eating before."
2) Slofa - a feeling of extreme lagging, leaving one with the urge to lay down on a loveseat, reclining chair, or sofa.
"I am stuck here doing this work, and I am totally slofa."
3) Waving A Pancake - to hopelessly try and get someone's attention, to go unnoticed despite one's efforts.
Example: "Give up, with that girl you are just waving a pancake."
4) chakode (pronounced chuck-oh-dee) - to suddenly go stiff, become inflexible, brittle and/or rigid.
Example:
"Before vomiting, you body will enter a chakode state right at the point of emission. Afterwards you will be overcome with a sense of slofishness."
5) Clickory - a positive memory, once forgotten, but recently reminded of
"I completely forgot about that skit we did until you said something. What a great clickory."
6) Flint - Incredibly awesome. About as cool as anything can get.
"Having two new entries in Joshspeak to learn is so flint it's making me a little chakode just thinking about it."
7) Emeff - an act of depravity and/or perversion. Something that can make even the most steady of people stop and say "What? Eww!"
"Michael Jackson opening a Leprechaun themed amusement park in Ireland is a little too emeff for my like liking."
8) Irgit (pronounced er-git): a task, event, person or object which serves absolutely no purpose other then to keep a person busy/occupied/out-of-the-way.
"Having me sit here and color code your address book is something I would call irgit, making me wonder how much you value my job."
9) Valen (pronounced vay-len) - attractive, aesthetically pleasing
"Oh man, those girls are so valen that it's making me woozy and a little slofa."
10) Hand Carved - a phrase which means to be used, manipulated and displayed, usually against one's will
"The situation has left me completely hand carved and feeling as though I am nothing more then a pretty face."
11) Dubbelewed (pronounced Double-u-ed) - To over emphasize something odd/crazy/weird.
"To give that monkey a Humphrey Bogart costume is a little strange, but to teach him to perform the entirety of Casablanca is just dubbelewed"
12) Oh My Stars and Garters - I Am Extremely Nerdy And I Want You To Know It When I am Surprised
"You mean to tell me I am going to meet Bruce Campbell and then hang out with him as well as Sam Rami? Oh my stars and garters!"
13) Masturbate - to vote (reverse also works; Vote - to masturbate)
"On election day, everybody masturbates."
14) Wewah (pronounced wee-wah) - a word to fill in for the absence of words.
"You're dumping me? You're dumping me? Well wewah. That's all I have to say."
It starts off on Monday afternoon when I am asked by my boss and the party planner (two separate people in a private meeting of the three of us) to make the invitations for the office Christmas Party, not to be confused with the Crazy Corporate Christmas Party, or CCCP (I get it!), that would be circulated around the office. They wanted me because they know I am artistic, creative, handsome, awesome, and frankly the greatest person in all the land...sorry, I got lost in a self-love tangent, apparently one in which people say "in all the land". Anyway, I didn't get out of that meeting until 4pm Monday, so I decided it would be best to finish whatever work I had left for the day and start on the invitation art work first thing in the morning, which would also give me all night to think of ideas on what to do, since I received no instructions other then what information should be conveyed and to be bright and festive. After much deliberation I ended up going with some new Monkeys, since most of the people in the office know/love/beg-for my "emo" and "do" monkeys, I figure it'd be a fun festive fit.
So come Tuesday, I start my day off with average "complications", a bit of a late start, an overly crowded subway, and I think it was raining. Over all, nothing too major, just enough to make me say "Uch" when I got into an empty office that morning. Then the day progressed as normal, with me working on this artwork, with a self-set deadline of mid-afternoon for at least artistic completion, giving me until 5 (once the art was approved) to get the text down and a first draft handed in for approval (they take their party invitations seriously up in this piece). I then get a call at 10:30am from my boss to ask me if the invitations were done and ready so he could bring them to the meeting. I told him that I was only on the artwork, but gave him my deadline. Then an hour later the meeting started (the meetings in my office are held in the conference room, but also broadcast over a closed circuit sound system and televisions around the office, for those of us who have to work).
At one point in the meeting an agent brought in a member of her BNI (Business Networking Initiative) Group to speak and hawk his promotional products, which is something I have been doing for my father since I started here, and it was pretty much known that my father was the guy to go to in this office. This pissed me off greatly for a number of reasons. One, it's no secret that my father needs the business. Two, it is no secret that I have been pushing my father since January. Three, I have not been allowed to speak at meetings on behalf of my father, for no real specified reason, and have been reduced to handing out reminder flyers in peoples mailboxes, which usually get thrown away. Four, my father is at a disadvantage being based down in Florida, and not being able to come and speak in person. And I won't even get into five, six or seven. Needless to say, the entire situation got me a little (a lot of) pissed off.
So angrily I spend the rest of the morning and early afternoon, even working through lunch, drawing, scanning, editing, and then coloring these monkeys:
So at around 3pm, I bring these drawings laid out in a basic set up on a piece of paper to show what the layout with roughly look like, just to get my manager's approval on the art work before I continued. So I bring them to him, and he is looking like he is in a not-so-great mood, talking on the phone. I stand at the door waiting, and he asks the person on the phone to hold on, puts the receiver on his desk, and waves me over. I walk to his desk with much trepidation (as I am worried about his mood and how he will respond to my entire days work, after all, this was a very important project). He takes on look at the sheet and frankly declares, "I hate it." I am stunned, but quickly regain myself and ask him what he hates, what I can fix, trying to get some specifics as to what I could improve, and he just states again "I just hate it. I hate everything about it. Start over from the beginning. Go back to the drawing board." He then picks up the phone and I leave his office.
This on top of the earlier promotional products crap, got me in a pretty foul mood. I storm back up to my desk and immediately start to complain about how shitty the day has now become. I then turn to Wendy, my partner in crime up here, to bitch about how this is so messed up and he was so serious and adamant (adam ant?) about how much he hated my work and wanted me to start over, and how much it sucked to have wasted an entire day. Not to mention the fact that I was extremely proud of the work, and I really liked it. So I decided since I worked through lunch to go out and buy some soup and just get some air for a bit. I drag Wendy with me and she tells me that she feels kind of bad because she had told my boss to say something like that, as a joke, but since he made no indications of a joke, that he must have really hated it and went about it in a jerky way to tell me so. So we get back to the office with our soups, and set down in the cafe-area where we continue to bitch and moan about how much shit this whole day has been. I then get back to work on a new picture, editing the faces of my three bosses onto pictures of characters from the movie "Elf". It was a cheap piece of crap that I was just making sort of as a "fine, you don't like quality, take this crap" gesture. As we all know, my shit don't stink and the picture didn't come out terrible. The people I showed it to liked it. I then left it down stairs for my managers approval and left for the night.
As I barely get passed the block, I pick up my phone to call my mom and tell her this story to hopefully get a sympathetic mommy over the phone hug, and as I am about to hit speed dial 4, my phone rings, and it's my boss. I say "Hey, what’s going on" since I am off the clock and say that, and he immediately says "You know I was kidding earlier right? I did really like those monkeys. Wendy told me to tell you I hated it."
I was stunned and immediately started laughing at the entire situation. I guess the laughter was also part of a huge emotional release, because I was laughing pretty hard walking down Broadway. I explained to him that I had no idea he was joking and because of it worked on another picture, which I could (and did) end up just throwing in with the other drawings as a signature. He then said to me "Oh, well I was kind of hoping to have it done today." I told him "Well I lost a lot of time having to make a new picture" and I guess he understood, although I am also sure he doesn't really understand how much work actually goes into this stuff.
My mom didn't see the humor in the situation, and wondered why I didn't ask if he was serious. My dad thought it was hysterical.
There has still been no improvement on the Promotional Products situation though. Anyone want to buy stuff with their names and corporate logo on them?
Something Funny and Office Related
In lieu of a new entry, here is a review of all the words and phrases of JoshSpeak thus far:
1) Flobdalflick - dirt or stain on a person or article of clothing
"Sarah, you've got some flobdalflick on your blouse. It's probably from that cake you were eating before."
2) Slofa - a feeling of extreme lagging, leaving one with the urge to lay down on a loveseat, reclining chair, or sofa.
"I am stuck here doing this work, and I am totally slofa."
3) Waving A Pancake - to hopelessly try and get someone's attention, to go unnoticed despite one's efforts.
Example: "Give up, with that girl you are just waving a pancake."
4) chakode (pronounced chuck-oh-dee) - to suddenly go stiff, become inflexible, brittle and/or rigid.
Example:
"Before vomiting, you body will enter a chakode state right at the point of emission. Afterwards you will be overcome with a sense of slofishness."
5) Clickory - a positive memory, once forgotten, but recently reminded of
"I completely forgot about that skit we did until you said something. What a great clickory."
6) Flint - Incredibly awesome. About as cool as anything can get.
"Having two new entries in Joshspeak to learn is so flint it's making me a little chakode just thinking about it."
7) Emeff - an act of depravity and/or perversion. Something that can make even the most steady of people stop and say "What? Eww!"
"Michael Jackson opening a Leprechaun themed amusement park in Ireland is a little too emeff for my like liking."
8) Irgit (pronounced er-git): a task, event, person or object which serves absolutely no purpose other then to keep a person busy/occupied/out-of-the-way.
"Having me sit here and color code your address book is something I would call irgit, making me wonder how much you value my job."
9) Valen (pronounced vay-len) - attractive, aesthetically pleasing
"Oh man, those girls are so valen that it's making me woozy and a little slofa."
10) Hand Carved - a phrase which means to be used, manipulated and displayed, usually against one's will
"The situation has left me completely hand carved and feeling as though I am nothing more then a pretty face."
11) Dubbelewed (pronounced Double-u-ed) - To over emphasize something odd/crazy/weird.
"To give that monkey a Humphrey Bogart costume is a little strange, but to teach him to perform the entirety of Casablanca is just dubbelewed"
12) Oh My Stars and Garters - I Am Extremely Nerdy And I Want You To Know It When I am Surprised
"You mean to tell me I am going to meet Bruce Campbell and then hang out with him as well as Sam Rami? Oh my stars and garters!"
13) Masturbate - to vote (reverse also works; Vote - to masturbate)
"On election day, everybody masturbates."
14) Wewah (pronounced wee-wah) - a word to fill in for the absence of words.
"You're dumping me? You're dumping me? Well wewah. That's all I have to say."