Forced Feelings
Things my father told me when he visited this past Saturday.
"You force your feelings on people."
"We are not the same, don't ever say that."
"There's nothing I can do for you."
"You push everyone away."
"Don't contact me."
Then he hit me in the face. Twice.
I've craved family security my whole life. A picture perfect mom and dad. To comfort me when I'm sad and encourage me when I'm happy. I am coming to terms with how that will never be. I don't need to seek it within my family or others at all.
I need to learn to be okay by myself.
To understand that I am a good person. That self-reflection is okay.
That this world needs me.
Confidence.
Distance.
Patience.
Just stop caring so much.
Everything else will fall into place.
"You force your feelings on people."
"We are not the same, don't ever say that."
"There's nothing I can do for you."
"You push everyone away."
"Don't contact me."
Then he hit me in the face. Twice.
I've craved family security my whole life. A picture perfect mom and dad. To comfort me when I'm sad and encourage me when I'm happy. I am coming to terms with how that will never be. I don't need to seek it within my family or others at all.
I need to learn to be okay by myself.
To understand that I am a good person. That self-reflection is okay.
That this world needs me.
Confidence.
Distance.
Patience.
Just stop caring so much.
Everything else will fall into place.