wow again time flies faster than the speed of light, newayz, im older thats all i know
a lot has happened in my life that some will never never never understand.
i gave this link to ppl who i thought were good ppl but judged me at face value n by this journal only w/o any verbal explanation. did they even notice i would come to this journal at times of mostly negativity bc there was no one to share with or counsel me? of course they dont bc they judge at face value.
ppl, i couldnt trust my life with, let say, if i were in a battle field bc they would run the opposite direction with the pants they already shat or pissed in.
while i would take a bullet for them bc that is just me. u say im bullshitting but ive already proven i would.
i come here to spew...to spew ugliness which is negative but its my oulet.
i dont want to but if u have a lot on ur mind n if ur too lazy like me to write it all out well here it is online for all the world to c if they care or whatever. not writing for an audience.
as a matter of fact this journal was with so called internet friends. ppl whoms journal i read n found somewhat interesting that took me away from the so called world that i was facing n swifted me away to another part of the world, somewhat their world temporarily, but ended as soon as i was done reading, i would go back to my own n move on, mayb grow a lil with what they shared.
usually, im a very positive person, just very misunderstood n no one to say hey bro, uve got it wrong.
instead ppl would just judge me bc they see me at my so called worst or judge me at face value n say damn ur too scary for me to even bother with, so called wussies. they say ive always been like that when they havent even been in my life for a second! what? i see u during the holidays when we r supposed to b happy when im fine with playing n faking happiness i guess to b accepted before i become excluded but really i dont care around to b fake ppl like that then, i really dont need all that bc i grew up with no family core. as a matter of fact, i had to move away from losungeles to partially get away from so called family bc they were more negative than helpful. but i dont hate them for it, i dont expect nothing from ppl bc when it comes down to it, its myself, my wife, our son, and dog along with Christ.
ppl who have not been challenged in life other than work circumstances n the normalhood child banter here n there. im not saying everyone has it easy, but honestly the complaining i hear is very normal, part of childhood, etc.
example, i applied to this tech company that is like top ten or five in our state n im for sure they judged me at face value. i did my online application n even had to write a poem that sold me bc they called me back for a phone interview. i felt comfortable at the phone interview, but im sure they looked me up on linked in, facebook, etc...n judged me there. doesnt that suck, could have perhaps worked at this company n all things good? but then again a bunch of egoist techies? but every company has politics, etc? they probably picked some hot chick or some super nerdy tech to do their work. can i tell u the asian male has it bad in the working world bc we r considered last so to say. u say im bullshitting...can i even say asian females have it worse bc they either have to get intimately involved bhind closed doors, kiss major ass, eye candy, or simply will b a slave n do the work of a company that will just take straight up advantage of them till they tire out n move on if they dont die.
gone off subject bc everything needs explaining but then when i explain ppl still dont get it bc their small minds cant comprehend the complexity of things, where there brain is programmed to what hollywood shows on movies or they dont do much in life that broadens besides learn a language.
since, i am a parent now n most of my family n friends have kids, etc.
thats y im awake at 430am...
newayz, our child has special needs. i love him to my death n eternity!
i am here to share how everyone thinks our one son is eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeasy like easy e.
no its not eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeazy. y bc he is special needs. thats y they have groups now thx to the internet for parents to share n relate about their struggles n yaddah yaddah. but i dont care to share as much but i am now online bc my wife is not handling it well as much as shes willing to admit or not. i have taken care of him many times by myself n dog while she went out for girls night to relax in lalaland. i will list their first names to protect their privacy n record keeping for myself: lorraine, dyonne, annie, michelle, debbie, n some others but not soo much.
my wife is not a 24/7 mother meaning she is easily exhausted bc all she does is eats desserts everyday n not work out at all besides us having sex n im not going to call it great bc we r out of shape tho i know it can be out of this world but yah, its not often enough. so she complains a lot more than usual, not the normal complaining. i mean i come back from a full days work n i c it in her face n this aura that she is projecting is ugly. we met in hollywood so i guess all the entertainment clouded how ugly she really is bc it took me awhile to c for myself. i was blinded by the entertainment etc n i noticed that it took her nearly two years to apologize about anything. newayz like i said hollywood is the devils playground n i got played. so yah, she was always whinning n complaining about our son, where shes like i need to get a part time job to get away, which i understand. i did tell her i would get a fulltime job which i did in california but she couldnt handle being a mom the whole entire time where i had to work part time then eventually stop to help out entirely, etc. soo much more than what im typing, thats y i hate writing n journaling bc every paragraph can b forever long. newayz, shit, we had to move bc finances were tight n it was a bit closer to her parents even tho one, her mom is a gold digger n her dad is an alcoholic. newayz, im done with this explanation, whoever is reading this bs can judge at face value, what the fuck iz u.
at one of many times, a time when our son was going through a lot or problems, one person had the nerve to talk trash, while the phone didnt hang up right away n i heard them spew bullshit n usually i would hang up but it was soo bad that i had to listen how backstabbing this person is was continues to b, whatever? wow to talk shit n continue to talk shit when u only saw us at the food tables, n not spend a day(lets say a week for a real test)taking care of our son urself...i dont remember exactly what was said but generally it was like they r using that baby as an excuse to b late or whatever etc. n went on with their bullshit about how im bad etc. i will not talk to that family member again tho, i apologized about something i did that was not directed towards them about my behavior. they didnt respond, so whatever. now thats negativity...im sharing negativity on this journal bc i come here pissed like ive said many times. so this peson i will not bother associating with bc they r negative persona, i dont need that fakeness, especially when its negative to begin with, no love at all. if u dont want to b a part of our lives thats fine with me like i said...
relatives go byond blood...
some dont even have relatives...
thats y Christ who is the Ultimate Annointer, through His blood n sacrifice, offered salvation for all those who believe n accept Him as Christ our Saviour will be in heaven, in joy, peace, n love for eternity with those who Love the same way or better or equally, whatever have u.
thats the real family right there n not bullshitters but i cant say im perfect. there r days i feel like im going to hell but i know im saved by Lord's grace n mercy, amen.
but theres more ppl that have been like that etc. who acted like they were helping.
thats y all my life i havent opened up to ppl, nor shared much till my brother got shot, point blank for doing nothing but being a good man.
thats when i got more real, n when they cant handle me being somewhat real when i havent even unleashed much then they cant handle nothing bc their minds r limited n not open minded at all. only to issues that concern their money book, their core family, their vacations, etc.
im not jealous of others, tho of course i would like to have some necessities that would make life easier. but when i like love pictures on facebook i am genuinely happy about the pix they r sharing. at some time i was kinda sick of it bc my life was soo shitty but then again, im positive n i love they r smiling bc who would want to c negativity. thats sentenced just showed that i shouldnt post anymore negative shit on fb.
but when my brother got shot...i was pissed n thats when i posted negative shit on my fb but im still kinda pissed bc my mother could have died as well.
newayz, ppl r clueless n think or im arrogant mayb? bc im more outspoken to their bullshit?
u know its funny all the big companies talk the same way i talk when im pissed bhind closed doors but some dont get it. im not saying every company but im using light profanity n vulgarity, etc. n ppl get scared by it?
i dont mean no harm or foul. i will not treat u like grand theft auto n hack ur head off for ur cheap ass 9million dollar sports car.
i wont bc what n y? bc this world is temporary bullshit.
so y am i worked up over bullshit bc the bullshit is in my life.
n i will slowly exclude them from my life if they r negative, so sooner or later my journals will b all positive posts, but then again ill b having too much to type how much fun im having.
ive moved many times to start over, whether it was a sacrifice, career change, negativity, change of scenery, less congestion n bullshit, ive moved many times n started over, not to run away from things, to start anew.
newayz, im done updating this bullshit...back to the real world n workn to make it positive.
i gave this link to ppl who i thought were good ppl but judged me at face value n by this journal only w/o any verbal explanation. did they even notice i would come to this journal at times of mostly negativity bc there was no one to share with or counsel me? of course they dont bc they judge at face value.
ppl, i couldnt trust my life with, let say, if i were in a battle field bc they would run the opposite direction with the pants they already shat or pissed in.
while i would take a bullet for them bc that is just me. u say im bullshitting but ive already proven i would.
i come here to spew...to spew ugliness which is negative but its my oulet.
i dont want to but if u have a lot on ur mind n if ur too lazy like me to write it all out well here it is online for all the world to c if they care or whatever. not writing for an audience.
as a matter of fact this journal was with so called internet friends. ppl whoms journal i read n found somewhat interesting that took me away from the so called world that i was facing n swifted me away to another part of the world, somewhat their world temporarily, but ended as soon as i was done reading, i would go back to my own n move on, mayb grow a lil with what they shared.
usually, im a very positive person, just very misunderstood n no one to say hey bro, uve got it wrong.
instead ppl would just judge me bc they see me at my so called worst or judge me at face value n say damn ur too scary for me to even bother with, so called wussies. they say ive always been like that when they havent even been in my life for a second! what? i see u during the holidays when we r supposed to b happy when im fine with playing n faking happiness i guess to b accepted before i become excluded but really i dont care around to b fake ppl like that then, i really dont need all that bc i grew up with no family core. as a matter of fact, i had to move away from losungeles to partially get away from so called family bc they were more negative than helpful. but i dont hate them for it, i dont expect nothing from ppl bc when it comes down to it, its myself, my wife, our son, and dog along with Christ.
ppl who have not been challenged in life other than work circumstances n the normalhood child banter here n there. im not saying everyone has it easy, but honestly the complaining i hear is very normal, part of childhood, etc.
example, i applied to this tech company that is like top ten or five in our state n im for sure they judged me at face value. i did my online application n even had to write a poem that sold me bc they called me back for a phone interview. i felt comfortable at the phone interview, but im sure they looked me up on linked in, facebook, etc...n judged me there. doesnt that suck, could have perhaps worked at this company n all things good? but then again a bunch of egoist techies? but every company has politics, etc? they probably picked some hot chick or some super nerdy tech to do their work. can i tell u the asian male has it bad in the working world bc we r considered last so to say. u say im bullshitting...can i even say asian females have it worse bc they either have to get intimately involved bhind closed doors, kiss major ass, eye candy, or simply will b a slave n do the work of a company that will just take straight up advantage of them till they tire out n move on if they dont die.
gone off subject bc everything needs explaining but then when i explain ppl still dont get it bc their small minds cant comprehend the complexity of things, where there brain is programmed to what hollywood shows on movies or they dont do much in life that broadens besides learn a language.
since, i am a parent now n most of my family n friends have kids, etc.
thats y im awake at 430am...
newayz, our child has special needs. i love him to my death n eternity!
i am here to share how everyone thinks our one son is eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeasy like easy e.
no its not eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeazy. y bc he is special needs. thats y they have groups now thx to the internet for parents to share n relate about their struggles n yaddah yaddah. but i dont care to share as much but i am now online bc my wife is not handling it well as much as shes willing to admit or not. i have taken care of him many times by myself n dog while she went out for girls night to relax in lalaland. i will list their first names to protect their privacy n record keeping for myself: lorraine, dyonne, annie, michelle, debbie, n some others but not soo much.
my wife is not a 24/7 mother meaning she is easily exhausted bc all she does is eats desserts everyday n not work out at all besides us having sex n im not going to call it great bc we r out of shape tho i know it can be out of this world but yah, its not often enough. so she complains a lot more than usual, not the normal complaining. i mean i come back from a full days work n i c it in her face n this aura that she is projecting is ugly. we met in hollywood so i guess all the entertainment clouded how ugly she really is bc it took me awhile to c for myself. i was blinded by the entertainment etc n i noticed that it took her nearly two years to apologize about anything. newayz like i said hollywood is the devils playground n i got played. so yah, she was always whinning n complaining about our son, where shes like i need to get a part time job to get away, which i understand. i did tell her i would get a fulltime job which i did in california but she couldnt handle being a mom the whole entire time where i had to work part time then eventually stop to help out entirely, etc. soo much more than what im typing, thats y i hate writing n journaling bc every paragraph can b forever long. newayz, shit, we had to move bc finances were tight n it was a bit closer to her parents even tho one, her mom is a gold digger n her dad is an alcoholic. newayz, im done with this explanation, whoever is reading this bs can judge at face value, what the fuck iz u.
at one of many times, a time when our son was going through a lot or problems, one person had the nerve to talk trash, while the phone didnt hang up right away n i heard them spew bullshit n usually i would hang up but it was soo bad that i had to listen how backstabbing this person is was continues to b, whatever? wow to talk shit n continue to talk shit when u only saw us at the food tables, n not spend a day(lets say a week for a real test)taking care of our son urself...i dont remember exactly what was said but generally it was like they r using that baby as an excuse to b late or whatever etc. n went on with their bullshit about how im bad etc. i will not talk to that family member again tho, i apologized about something i did that was not directed towards them about my behavior. they didnt respond, so whatever. now thats negativity...im sharing negativity on this journal bc i come here pissed like ive said many times. so this peson i will not bother associating with bc they r negative persona, i dont need that fakeness, especially when its negative to begin with, no love at all. if u dont want to b a part of our lives thats fine with me like i said...
relatives go byond blood...
some dont even have relatives...
thats y Christ who is the Ultimate Annointer, through His blood n sacrifice, offered salvation for all those who believe n accept Him as Christ our Saviour will be in heaven, in joy, peace, n love for eternity with those who Love the same way or better or equally, whatever have u.
thats the real family right there n not bullshitters but i cant say im perfect. there r days i feel like im going to hell but i know im saved by Lord's grace n mercy, amen.
but theres more ppl that have been like that etc. who acted like they were helping.
thats y all my life i havent opened up to ppl, nor shared much till my brother got shot, point blank for doing nothing but being a good man.
thats when i got more real, n when they cant handle me being somewhat real when i havent even unleashed much then they cant handle nothing bc their minds r limited n not open minded at all. only to issues that concern their money book, their core family, their vacations, etc.
im not jealous of others, tho of course i would like to have some necessities that would make life easier. but when i like love pictures on facebook i am genuinely happy about the pix they r sharing. at some time i was kinda sick of it bc my life was soo shitty but then again, im positive n i love they r smiling bc who would want to c negativity. thats sentenced just showed that i shouldnt post anymore negative shit on fb.
but when my brother got shot...i was pissed n thats when i posted negative shit on my fb but im still kinda pissed bc my mother could have died as well.
newayz, ppl r clueless n think or im arrogant mayb? bc im more outspoken to their bullshit?
u know its funny all the big companies talk the same way i talk when im pissed bhind closed doors but some dont get it. im not saying every company but im using light profanity n vulgarity, etc. n ppl get scared by it?
i dont mean no harm or foul. i will not treat u like grand theft auto n hack ur head off for ur cheap ass 9million dollar sports car.
i wont bc what n y? bc this world is temporary bullshit.
so y am i worked up over bullshit bc the bullshit is in my life.
n i will slowly exclude them from my life if they r negative, so sooner or later my journals will b all positive posts, but then again ill b having too much to type how much fun im having.
ive moved many times to start over, whether it was a sacrifice, career change, negativity, change of scenery, less congestion n bullshit, ive moved many times n started over, not to run away from things, to start anew.
newayz, im done updating this bullshit...back to the real world n workn to make it positive.