thoughts on being me
"Only those who risk going too far can
possibly find out how far one can go...."
T.S. Eliot
i saw this quote by way of utforsker,
without knowing so, i think this has been an underlying mantra to my life. sure, i've settled down, but i'm still of the mind that if something is fun, or interesting, or is what i want to do, and no one is going to be hurt in the process (except possibly myself, and even those odds are calculated (mostly)), act like you belong there and keep doing what you're doing. there's alway something to be gained: experience. you can't level up without it, after all.
the brain is a malleable tool and resource, highly plastic, but in order for it to keep working properly it has to be challenged. challenge doesn't come by doing the same thing over and over. that is routine, and with enough time routine becomes the baseline. i'm not against routines, per se; routines keep things moving. but life isn't a thing to be put on the shelf and admired. life is more than just "the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death", as in the dictionary. life has boundaries (see death). but that, to my best understandings, is really the only one. so we should try to live.
i make a game of balancing routine with exploration; how far can i push myself and still keep the routine? in some ways, especially in the decade of my 20s, i found out. now, i'm on a mission to find out just how much i can do in a day, extracting as much marrow from the bone as i am able. instead of how far can i push myself (brute force), it has become how far can i push myself and still make it to work on time/get back home for dinner/etc. (efficiency). it looks pretty tame from the outside most of the time, but i feel how much is left to do still, and keep working to find out more once i've set a particular set of boundaries. the thing that keeps me going is a feeling i recall from childhood that i can now put into words: i don't want to miss anything. i'm happy to try new things, because there's always room for something more to enjoy. sure, some things will suck. a recent book gave me the quote: "adventures suck when you're having them." but if you hear that, and remember so in the middle of things, you've got two things: a good memory, and the ability to process a situation such that you know you'll survive it and persevere. it, of course, being not just the adventure, but the challenge.
something else i picked up from the book is (to paraphrase): "to be a traveler, you must have the utmost optimism". if you think something is going to be bad, you typically don't do it. (okay, unless maybe you feel the need to face the challenge.) to hit the road, leave all comforts behind, you have to be pretty confident that something good awaits you, even if you're not sure what it is, or how you'll get there. so i will continue to travel through life, trying to become more efficient along the way, packing in just enough to feel and recall the details on, not just packing it all in for a scorecard.
possibly find out how far one can go...."
T.S. Eliot
i saw this quote by way of utforsker,
without knowing so, i think this has been an underlying mantra to my life. sure, i've settled down, but i'm still of the mind that if something is fun, or interesting, or is what i want to do, and no one is going to be hurt in the process (except possibly myself, and even those odds are calculated (mostly)), act like you belong there and keep doing what you're doing. there's alway something to be gained: experience. you can't level up without it, after all.
the brain is a malleable tool and resource, highly plastic, but in order for it to keep working properly it has to be challenged. challenge doesn't come by doing the same thing over and over. that is routine, and with enough time routine becomes the baseline. i'm not against routines, per se; routines keep things moving. but life isn't a thing to be put on the shelf and admired. life is more than just "the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death", as in the dictionary. life has boundaries (see death). but that, to my best understandings, is really the only one. so we should try to live.
i make a game of balancing routine with exploration; how far can i push myself and still keep the routine? in some ways, especially in the decade of my 20s, i found out. now, i'm on a mission to find out just how much i can do in a day, extracting as much marrow from the bone as i am able. instead of how far can i push myself (brute force), it has become how far can i push myself and still make it to work on time/get back home for dinner/etc. (efficiency). it looks pretty tame from the outside most of the time, but i feel how much is left to do still, and keep working to find out more once i've set a particular set of boundaries. the thing that keeps me going is a feeling i recall from childhood that i can now put into words: i don't want to miss anything. i'm happy to try new things, because there's always room for something more to enjoy. sure, some things will suck. a recent book gave me the quote: "adventures suck when you're having them." but if you hear that, and remember so in the middle of things, you've got two things: a good memory, and the ability to process a situation such that you know you'll survive it and persevere. it, of course, being not just the adventure, but the challenge.
something else i picked up from the book is (to paraphrase): "to be a traveler, you must have the utmost optimism". if you think something is going to be bad, you typically don't do it. (okay, unless maybe you feel the need to face the challenge.) to hit the road, leave all comforts behind, you have to be pretty confident that something good awaits you, even if you're not sure what it is, or how you'll get there. so i will continue to travel through life, trying to become more efficient along the way, packing in just enough to feel and recall the details on, not just packing it all in for a scorecard.