holding on by a thread....

[specsafety]

So I am barely holding on...Last night was Halloween. I made sure I bought candy that would not trigger me...but I found something that was buried in the mix. I only ate 5 small pieces. Yet, I knew, by doing it, it would trigger the allergy, and start the binge. Well, it did. As I was gobbling it all down...I knew exactly what I was doing, and

Comments

[starrynytes4me]

I have so many excuses for why my career is more important than my health that it is really sick. There is something at the core of me that tells me I have to work harder than anyone else to be a good person. Somehow, I'm evil inside, and taking the time out to manage this disease makes me selfish or "a problem". Ummm no, what is a problem is me dying 20 years too young. How much will my work matter then? It's just the latest excuse. Of course I couldn't possibly matter enough to take time out to exercise my body because it hurts. Of COURSE it hurts worse when I don't move it enough. I see people work through way worse pain than what I've got and using it as a crutch is pathetic. I have so many excuses for not doing right by my body that all add up to nothing but misery.

My best friend went from passing out due to low blood sugar after a binge crash to back at her goal weight after the scare. It's just that maintaining it is SO hard. I'm so proud of her, but I'm not sure how to get me back there.

thank you Lanette...

[specsafety]

You are an amazing example of recovery to me--you are the main reason I come on Live Journal as I gain so much insight with your posts. I know the feeling of thinking I am "less than" others too. I would use self-deprecating humor, try to buy affection of others(always paying for lunch, etc), or any other technique to be "part of" the club. And in the end, like you say, all that diligence and hard work wont mean anything if you die 20 years too young. You hang in there Lanette. Your wisdom and insight are of value to all that read your journal...Take care my dear friend.

[goldithoth]

come on man.

it's your fucking life. it's your choice. it's you in your head, not some demon.

[honey_runner]

I was a binge eater for years ... let me know if you'd like to chat, It's a horrible existence. I have found my way out, slowly but surely.

I will give it a shot...

[specsafety]

I read your profile, you seem to have a firm understanding about weight loss. If you wouldnt mind sharing some of your insight with me, I would appreciate it. Thanks a bunch, Len