010 conspiracies uncovered
Private :: Hackable
The heart is a complicated organ. It's amazing what a complicated mix of emotions it can contain, some even contradictory.
The cancer is getting worse. Dr. Wilson's treatment worked for awhile, but the respite was fleeting. I can feel my body breaking down, cell by cell. We are all of us dying, but I can feel myself dying. And it frightens me.
And it frightens me to admit that I'm frightened; to Dr. Wilson; to Mulder; even to myself. To admit to fear is to admit that this is real, that this is happening to me, and yet I know that it is happening.
I'm scared of dying. Even here, where I would come back as City!dead, the only consequence being I will never return home. I do not hate it here like many do, but to spend an eternity here is as frightening a prospect as facing the unknown, with my faith in Heaven as my only comfort.
My faith teaches me that God is omnipresent, that He is the God of All Things. Yet a part of me wonders if His reach extends this far. Whether I am beyond His power. Whether He can hear my prayers. I believe hope that they do, but here, just as at home, He is silent. A test of my faith.
I wonder sometimes how much testing I can take.
[ooc: Strike was typed and then deleted for the more honest phrase. HAVE AT HER, LADIES AND GENTS! Anything is fair game.]
The heart is a complicated organ. It's amazing what a complicated mix of emotions it can contain, some even contradictory.
The cancer is getting worse. Dr. Wilson's treatment worked for awhile, but the respite was fleeting. I can feel my body breaking down, cell by cell. We are all of us dying, but I can feel myself dying. And it frightens me.
And it frightens me to admit that I'm frightened; to Dr. Wilson; to Mulder; even to myself. To admit to fear is to admit that this is real, that this is happening to me, and yet I know that it is happening.
I'm scared of dying. Even here, where I would come back as City!dead, the only consequence being I will never return home. I do not hate it here like many do, but to spend an eternity here is as frightening a prospect as facing the unknown, with my faith in Heaven as my only comfort.
My faith teaches me that God is omnipresent, that He is the God of All Things. Yet a part of me wonders if His reach extends this far. Whether I am beyond His power. Whether He can hear my prayers. I believe hope that they do, but here, just as at home, He is silent. A test of my faith.
I wonder sometimes how much testing I can take.
[ooc: Strike was typed and then deleted for the more honest phrase. HAVE AT HER, LADIES AND GENTS! Anything is fair game.]