OMG I'm stupid
Wow..I feel like I've just woken up from a coma or something. Where has my life gone!? I have woken up and realized I have been a horrible friend and a really bad gf..no wonder things are like this! I made Jason my whole life w/o him asking or even wanting that. He was in every aspect of my life..I became everything u hear some girls do and u always say "never me..that'll never happen". I became obsessed. I worried about what he'd say, what he'd think, what he's doing, where he is..etc. Yes, I mostly started that becuase I had screwed up in the past and had every right to freak out about how he'd take things..i broke his trust. I forgot to worry about myself and what I am doing, what I am thinking, what I am saying, where I am. No wonder he's like CHILL OUT...I really needed to. I lost friends, people don't know who I am anymore. Jason and I are friends now..only friends. Yes I love Jason and want to be with him more than anything, and I'm not interested in anyone else..but I need to make sure that I am still me and that if Jason and I do somehow get back together (which after this weekend I do not even know if he'll ever talk to me again) that I still have ME. If we do not get back together, I need to make sure I will be ok and can stand alone. Friends are there to support you, not carry you. I need to make sure I can support myself and not rely on others for that. Thank you SO much for those of you that have stood by me while I slowly went insane. I am so sorry Jason for being that way. I know you may not believe I will change, but I'm awake now. I understand what I was doing and how I was being. I know what I need to do now and I promise you I will NEVER go back to that. I may screw up now and then, but I will not ever fully be like that again. I am so sorry to everyone...I am awake now..I see me and who I've become..a New Year..a new me..a new cellie number. It all makes sense now...please stay my friend and be there with me. I am BACK!!!!