time for a meaningful update
so tonight some of you probably saw me get pretty choked up during the baptism. God has really been showing me lately the value of a true friend. he's broken me multiple times... taking away close friends and such. well i think i finally totally understand/accepted why God was doing this to me. i won't accept (completely) his friendship. tonight i watched Leah baptize Jenna and i wanted to start crying... except i really did start, just not hard, like i felt like i could. i was so frusterated... why was God allowing me to be hurt so many times? then without even thinking about it i started to sing the chorus from the song The Answer... "cause i've found the answer is to love you and be loved by you alone". that hit me like a ton of bricks. notice the last word in there... Alone. the whole song is just awesome and rocks. but mainly that one line. i don't need the friendships of those people... yes God did create us to need fellowship... but how can that fellowship be right unless God is first in my life and i focus on a true friendship with him? i want God to be my best friend. just sometimes it can be hard, because God doesn't respond all the time like we do to eachother. and honostly, that sucks. cause i forget to talk to Him, to tell Him things that are on my mind, or just to spend time with him. yeah i do pray a lot... but not enough. just pray for me. i can already feeling myself losing that fire. i just so wish God could talk back, like i can with other people.