Have you watched Half Nelson? God DAMN it get on that shit!

[speal]

My eyes feel heavy my job sucks I'm making no money my happiness is dependent on outside factors that tend to let me down my dreams freak me out I haven't smoked crack for over a year (good job me) my life is boring boys stare at my chest and make crude comments but they don't care about me and I don't let them when they try because they're never perfect unless they walk away Clive Owen is staring at me from my book cover and piano is playing through the speakers in my head in books the human race has stopped producing offspring and I feel unfertile aging (not old no I'm not delusional) moving ever so slowly toward whatever end is in store like disappointing adulthood when my dreams fade I barely write anymore I'm scared I won't be a writer no one seems to understand that being good at writing high school essays isn't the same thing as being a successful or important writer what if I'm not but no they say I will be if I want to be. You know, that kind of "If you can dream it you can be it" stuff is lovely, it really is, and I'm sure it helps a lot of people and maybe it could help me if I could get up out of the Realism Room or whatever, but I can't. And sometimes just like love isn't enough to save someone's marriage, it just isn't enough that I want to write and I have some small talent. I have no ideas, you know, and I have never really had any stick-to-itiveness; and outlines, or plot, don't even bring those up to me. How can I write books if I can't think of ideas? Or write them down? I can hardly expect to make a living or an impact with little blurbs of neurotic prose all about me and my inadequacies either real imagined or distorted, and if I could I'm not sure I'd want to. Ohhhhh, blah; I wasn't even feeling sad about that today, I saw someone somewhere with some person and it made me sad. But I guess this has been bothering me lately. Whatever, it will work out or it won't. And if it doesn't, by the time I'm older it probably won't even hurt as much as I think it should.

:)

ps they should make a thumbs-up emoticon or smileyfacething. I'm not feeling that happy face up there, I wanted to leave a little thumbsup dude.

EDIT: *thumbsup