(Untitled)

[speakseverely]

Oh thank god. No more tour. And I'm done doing my little stint on Last Comic Standing. Rejoice for I have returned to the land of Holy Shit It's Fucking Hot As Sweaty Balls.

When I got home, it was 100 degrees in my house. IN MY HOUSE. What kind of shit is this??

So how are you lovely people?

Comments

[dontfeedthe]

A room should only feel that hot because I'm standing in it.

[speakseverely]

[dontfeedthe]

If I were hiding in our closet, you wouldn't leave me in there long. I have a very short shelf life and must be used before my expiration date. Or else I spoil.

[speakseverely]

[dontfeedthe]

Snuggles? I do not smell like fabric softener, but I am huggably warm.

If by cheese you mean you can eat me, I'm all for that.

[speakseverely]

[dontfeedthe]

That's if you imbibe too much of it. Too much of me is never a good thing.

Come over here and hug me. See what I do.

[speakseverely]

[dontfeedthe]

I don't usually run after fucking. I stick around for food. As long as I am fed and my tummy is rubbed, I'll stick around.

I'm not that easy! Maybe I bite, but not that hard.

[speakseverely]

[dontfeedthe]

Heard what from who? All lies, I swear. I'm 100% clean. I've had all my shots.

And there's nothing wrong with liking your tummy rubbed. I even make cute little noises. Women love that shit.

[speakseverely]

[dontfeedthe]

Well, hell, I haven't seen an influx in my bedroom from said ad. It must be epic fail.

[speakseverely]

[dontfeedthe]

HAHA! That was fucking hilarious. He had like pounds of that shit to give away. Come for the wank, stay for the free seafood.

[speakseverely]