(Untitled)

[speakseverely]

Oh thank god. No more tour. And I'm done doing my little stint on Last Comic Standing. Rejoice for I have returned to the land of Holy Shit It's Fucking Hot As Sweaty Balls.

When I got home, it was 100 degrees in my house. IN MY HOUSE. What kind of shit is this??

So how are you lovely people?

Comments

[speakseverely]

Our closet? Christ, now you're moving in? Damn Snuggles, you move quick! Oh so you're like a big bag of cheese, huh?

[dontfeedthe]

Snuggles? I do not smell like fabric softener, but I am huggably warm.

If by cheese you mean you can eat me, I'm all for that.

[speakseverely]

That's your name, Snuggles, don't wear it out. I bet you do smell like fabric softener you huggable bitch.

I dunno, cheese usually gets people constipated.

[dontfeedthe]

That's if you imbibe too much of it. Too much of me is never a good thing.

Come over here and hug me. See what I do.

[speakseverely]

Isn't that what most men say? At least when they fuck and run.

If you get a stiffy, I might have to laugh.

[dontfeedthe]

I don't usually run after fucking. I stick around for food. As long as I am fed and my tummy is rubbed, I'll stick around.

I'm not that easy! Maybe I bite, but not that hard.

[speakseverely]

Tummy rubbing, I knew that was you, Snuggles.

That's not what I heard. But then I guess she could've gotten rabies from a raccoon.

[dontfeedthe]

Heard what from who? All lies, I swear. I'm 100% clean. I've had all my shots.

And there's nothing wrong with liking your tummy rubbed. I even make cute little noises. Women love that shit.

[speakseverely]

Like I tell my sources. Though shit, it's all over Craig's List. I think someone put up an ad for you.

Heh, I'm not most women, Snuggles.

[dontfeedthe]

Well, hell, I haven't seen an influx in my bedroom from said ad. It must be epic fail.

[speakseverely]

It's craigslist what do you expect? The same list that made an ad for a guy who wanted guys to come over and wrestle on his kids train set with him and then offered to give them frozen crabs to take home, and I don't mean the STD.

[dontfeedthe]

HAHA! That was fucking hilarious. He had like pounds of that shit to give away. Come for the wank, stay for the free seafood.

[speakseverely]

Those kind of people scare me, man. I'm gonna have nightmares about being tied to train tracks now. And some evil man wrestling someone on top of me.

[dontfeedthe]

I'm calling you Nell Fenwick from now on. Because now I'm picturing a Dudley Do-Right girl strapped to the track with an evil guy holding her hostage.

How about we substitute it with a hot man wrestling with you? Preferably in your bed. Or on the floor. Some girls like it rough.

[speakseverely]

As long as that nasty fucker isn't the one holding me captive, I'll gladly heave my breasts and flail.

Preferably naked. Or with oil, I'm only wrestling with oil. Maybe I'm one of those girls. Maybe.