I wish things were different, so perfect, so picture perfect.
I'm getting sick of trying now. I feel good for a while then just get kicked down again. I guess a part of it is my fault this time. I really can't even be bothered to write here tonight.
I want to do something new, meet someone, or get to know someone I've known for ages properly. I don't care as much as I should. I was happy with the way things were so I didn't really want to change them, but now I want to change them so much and I really don't know how. I've been doing things, and saying things I never thought I'd say. I think I've just become a little less emotive. It's good and bad. Sometimes I feel like an insensitive fuck, but sometimes I just have to react in the way I do, because I'm sick of always being the person in the background, or the one who's been walked over. I've wrote this a million times before, and it doesn't change a thing. I'm changing and it's probably for the worse, but today I said something to someone I never thought I'd get over. She's the most self-centered, arrogant person I know, but I always gave her another chance, or thought she'd done what she did by accident. I don't even want to speak to her anymore. After a year of only talking to me when it suited her, she tried to tell me that I used her.
I've got no passion for anything, I want to quit my job and sell everything I own, but I can't. I haven't got the will power to just start again, start getting to know people again in a far better way. A lot of people I know don't know me at all, or just know what I was like when I was in school. I was a prick. I still am, but I've changed, and I've grown up. I'd love people to know me when I'm at my most emotionally vunerable, or when I'm just being honest, or when I just want to feel what it's like to be in love. But everytime I'm feeling like that I'm on my own. I can't stop thinking at the moment, I want to do some things, but don't think I can do them. I want to see how people will react, or what they'll say to me, but I really can't do it.
I'm tired, and scared.
I want to do something new, meet someone, or get to know someone I've known for ages properly. I don't care as much as I should. I was happy with the way things were so I didn't really want to change them, but now I want to change them so much and I really don't know how. I've been doing things, and saying things I never thought I'd say. I think I've just become a little less emotive. It's good and bad. Sometimes I feel like an insensitive fuck, but sometimes I just have to react in the way I do, because I'm sick of always being the person in the background, or the one who's been walked over. I've wrote this a million times before, and it doesn't change a thing. I'm changing and it's probably for the worse, but today I said something to someone I never thought I'd get over. She's the most self-centered, arrogant person I know, but I always gave her another chance, or thought she'd done what she did by accident. I don't even want to speak to her anymore. After a year of only talking to me when it suited her, she tried to tell me that I used her.
I've got no passion for anything, I want to quit my job and sell everything I own, but I can't. I haven't got the will power to just start again, start getting to know people again in a far better way. A lot of people I know don't know me at all, or just know what I was like when I was in school. I was a prick. I still am, but I've changed, and I've grown up. I'd love people to know me when I'm at my most emotionally vunerable, or when I'm just being honest, or when I just want to feel what it's like to be in love. But everytime I'm feeling like that I'm on my own. I can't stop thinking at the moment, I want to do some things, but don't think I can do them. I want to see how people will react, or what they'll say to me, but I really can't do it.
I'm tired, and scared.