It sounded like a good idea at the time and all.
Alrighty, then. I should have expected it. I really should have. In fact, I should have known. Stupid blind hope.
I'm glad Katie was there. If it was anyone else, anyone else, it would have ended exponentially worse. At least Katie contained the situation. At least there wasn't this explosion. Though there was this subtle implosion.
It's been a long time since I felt as bad as I did at that moment. That moment when my stomach sank and I realized I never should have attempted it at all.
But even though I say that, I'm actually glad I did. No one can say I didn't try. I tried to make this light-hearted and less of big, heavy, ugly issue. And if she wants to react that way to our love and concern, then fine.
She won't have to deal with me.
Having Katie there meant everything. If I'd driven off alone, or even with someone like Melanie or something, I would have just felt sorry for myself or been bitter. I would have been able to wallow in it. But she let me have a few moments of self-pity (and didn't mention the scream I let loose the second I had the car door shut) before she worked her magic and made me feel better about the whole thing. She's been doing that a whole lot more lately, and I never realized how awesome that is to have. Her humor really is good for me when I start getting self-piteous or seriously angry with someone.
So I'm over it all. Finally. And I don't exactly mean that in the "this issue no longer troubles me" way. More in the "I'm not going to let this go on" way. I'm done. I'm not going to wait for her.
Maybe I had this idealistic hope that eventually, she'd see what he was doing to her, and she'd get out. And when she got out, I'd be one of the people waiting for her. Someone to come back to like Julie or (maybe) Melanie or Katie.
But I'm not holding onto that anymore. It was like that thread that's so small and thin that it was cutting into me and not even really holding me up. It was hurting me more than helping me.
I didn't really see her because I was mostly hiding, but Katie told me that she looked so hollow. Thin and white and frail, hair a little too stringy and make-up a little too heavy. From the way she describes it, it scares the crap out of me, like he's giving her complexes about herself and running her ragged from letting her cater to him like she does. Doesn't he take care of her at all?
When I came home, my family was all excited to hear how it went. They believed in that optmistic thread of hope that she could hold onto who she was. The girl she used to be would have laughed and enjoyed herself. She would have made jokes and loved the gifts we'd gotten her. She would have even laughed at how Katie and I ate half of her birthday cake while waiting for her to come home. I told them how disastrous it was and it was like this instant support from them. My dad even called my mom (who was at the airport waiting for a flight to be called) to tell her how it went, and then she called me to tell me that she was sorry. Idk, the support made me feel really good about it all.
Then afterwards, I had a 3/4 sisterhood sleepover and Katie and I talked to Amy about it all, among other things. Drama was abundant that night, but it was all outside of us. No drama between us three, just outside of our circle. Outside of my bedroom and in the rest of real life.
Sisterhood makes me feel at home. These girls know almost all of my deepest, darkest secrets and they're still loyal to me.
OMG, and lawlz at CB being a total jerkwad, man-whore drinker. He's so screwed up and I have missed nothing. I got the last of what was truly good in him. And it makes me feel all right. :) And no matter how much of a biznatch I just sounded like, I'm sort of entitled. And it's not like I'm angry at him or feel like this is my revenge, I'm actually more relieved and amused.
Katie and I watched Kathy Griffin clips (which, HOW DID I NOT KNOW SHE WAS HILARIOUS?) and it was amazing. Things are ok. Things will be ok. Life will go on and any overdramatic tendency that might temporarily make me think otherwise... I'm not even worried about.
I did nothing wrong, and I'm not going to let them make me feel like I did anymore.
Through this last act of stupidity, I'm finally wising up, I guess. But better to be stupid and try too many times than to make it seem like I never cared at all.
But no really, I feel way better. If she wants to completely mow over her life with this boy, then I clearly don't have any say in the matter. She was a good friend while she still was one.
I'm glad Katie was there. If it was anyone else, anyone else, it would have ended exponentially worse. At least Katie contained the situation. At least there wasn't this explosion. Though there was this subtle implosion.
It's been a long time since I felt as bad as I did at that moment. That moment when my stomach sank and I realized I never should have attempted it at all.
But even though I say that, I'm actually glad I did. No one can say I didn't try. I tried to make this light-hearted and less of big, heavy, ugly issue. And if she wants to react that way to our love and concern, then fine.
She won't have to deal with me.
Having Katie there meant everything. If I'd driven off alone, or even with someone like Melanie or something, I would have just felt sorry for myself or been bitter. I would have been able to wallow in it. But she let me have a few moments of self-pity (and didn't mention the scream I let loose the second I had the car door shut) before she worked her magic and made me feel better about the whole thing. She's been doing that a whole lot more lately, and I never realized how awesome that is to have. Her humor really is good for me when I start getting self-piteous or seriously angry with someone.
So I'm over it all. Finally. And I don't exactly mean that in the "this issue no longer troubles me" way. More in the "I'm not going to let this go on" way. I'm done. I'm not going to wait for her.
Maybe I had this idealistic hope that eventually, she'd see what he was doing to her, and she'd get out. And when she got out, I'd be one of the people waiting for her. Someone to come back to like Julie or (maybe) Melanie or Katie.
But I'm not holding onto that anymore. It was like that thread that's so small and thin that it was cutting into me and not even really holding me up. It was hurting me more than helping me.
I didn't really see her because I was mostly hiding, but Katie told me that she looked so hollow. Thin and white and frail, hair a little too stringy and make-up a little too heavy. From the way she describes it, it scares the crap out of me, like he's giving her complexes about herself and running her ragged from letting her cater to him like she does. Doesn't he take care of her at all?
When I came home, my family was all excited to hear how it went. They believed in that optmistic thread of hope that she could hold onto who she was. The girl she used to be would have laughed and enjoyed herself. She would have made jokes and loved the gifts we'd gotten her. She would have even laughed at how Katie and I ate half of her birthday cake while waiting for her to come home. I told them how disastrous it was and it was like this instant support from them. My dad even called my mom (who was at the airport waiting for a flight to be called) to tell her how it went, and then she called me to tell me that she was sorry. Idk, the support made me feel really good about it all.
Then afterwards, I had a 3/4 sisterhood sleepover and Katie and I talked to Amy about it all, among other things. Drama was abundant that night, but it was all outside of us. No drama between us three, just outside of our circle. Outside of my bedroom and in the rest of real life.
Sisterhood makes me feel at home. These girls know almost all of my deepest, darkest secrets and they're still loyal to me.
OMG, and lawlz at CB being a total jerkwad, man-whore drinker. He's so screwed up and I have missed nothing. I got the last of what was truly good in him. And it makes me feel all right. :) And no matter how much of a biznatch I just sounded like, I'm sort of entitled. And it's not like I'm angry at him or feel like this is my revenge, I'm actually more relieved and amused.
Katie and I watched Kathy Griffin clips (which, HOW DID I NOT KNOW SHE WAS HILARIOUS?) and it was amazing. Things are ok. Things will be ok. Life will go on and any overdramatic tendency that might temporarily make me think otherwise... I'm not even worried about.
I did nothing wrong, and I'm not going to let them make me feel like I did anymore.
Through this last act of stupidity, I'm finally wising up, I guess. But better to be stupid and try too many times than to make it seem like I never cared at all.
But no really, I feel way better. If she wants to completely mow over her life with this boy, then I clearly don't have any say in the matter. She was a good friend while she still was one.