i hope you are ok. but i am confused. i know that you probably realize the fact that you wrote all this in your livejournal is somewhat strange, considering that you are actually telling your friends how you deeply feel, while at the same time verbally (in technospeak?) admitting that you are still deeply plagued by your inability to speak candidly for fear of rejection ('keeping a good face'). -- i almost feel like your journal entry should end with something like 'well here's the new me, no more of this bullshit and hiding my true emotions.'-- but it doesn't.i have no idea what it has to do with joel? i wouldn't say that this entry is an act of 'avoiding life' but rather one of asking for commiseration. i don't know too much of your relationship with joel and all i know is he called and you were upset because you thought you should have never emailed him. i didnt know about this new development and i think its weird that i read it online considering that is how this apparantly how it all started, my advice is to avoid speaking about personal things over this medium--it has a knack for not transmitting tone, emphasis or (more importantly)regret [can u erase an email after you send it to someone's inbox?] (should i not press 'post comment'?) maybe if joel never emailed you back you would be more upset about what he could possibly be doing, or what trouble he could be in. at least you know that he is alive and is the exact same aggressive person you remember. don't worry so much about what has happened and just remember what its like to communicate with people (who love you and think about you every .001 seconds of every day) --in the flesh!
oh and about me not pressing 'post comment' -- i am just doing exactly what you did. you may or may not have noticed that the thoughts/moods/ideas in my head whilst typing this went from: concern, anger, jealousy, insecurity, shame( of possibly posting this and upseting you), missing on you, resolution in the form of confidence in posting, meaningless of this munbojumbo cockiness i am spouting, back to insecurity, hey i like this song (T.I. - What you know) it just came on my itunes. weird! how appropriate. "if you doubt me dawg, you better out me dawg." this song just justified my previous resolution to press 'post comment' cause i feel that you are all'what you know about that?, what you know about that?' and im all 'hey i know all about that'.
as for the g's, and cheese and loaded 44 i don't really know all about that.
me and karla and mom and dad went to port huron today and karla and i got bombed on 2.50 margaritas the size of my head with the most tequila ive ever tasted (At about 5 pm), then we rode on the carousel in the mall, and i bought a freddy krueger style shirt, karla bought more nautical themed clothes, karla bought me a yoyo that doesn't need rewinding. we ate at cracker barrel and i had chickenfriedchicken with 2 sides of mac and cheese and mashed potatos, karla had the catfish, earlier we ate at bigboy and we farted a whole bunch. i talked about lovin you a lot when i got hammered. we went to target, jc (jesus christ's?)pennys, and 'hot topic' and we were pretty much assaulted with so much kindess and compassion (not just in the form of free refills) that i decided michiganies are like your favorite aunt. only without the gardening.
oh and about me not pressing 'post comment' -- i am just doing exactly what you did. you may or may not have noticed that the thoughts/moods/ideas in my head whilst typing this went from: concern, anger, jealousy, insecurity, shame( of possibly posting this and upseting you), missing on you, resolution in the form of confidence in posting, meaningless of this munbojumbo cockiness i am spouting, back to insecurity, hey i like this song (T.I. - What you know) it just came on my itunes. weird! how appropriate. "if you doubt me dawg, you better out me dawg." this song just justified my previous resolution to press 'post comment' cause i feel that you are all'what you know about that?, what you know about that?' and im all 'hey i know all about that'.
as for the g's, and cheese and loaded 44 i don't really know all about that.
me and karla and mom and dad went to port huron today and karla and i got bombed on 2.50 margaritas the size of my head with the most tequila ive ever tasted (At about 5 pm), then we rode on the carousel in the mall, and i bought a freddy krueger style shirt, karla bought more nautical themed clothes, karla bought me a yoyo that doesn't need rewinding. we ate at cracker barrel and i had chickenfriedchicken with 2 sides of mac and cheese and mashed potatos, karla had the catfish, earlier we ate at bigboy and we farted a whole bunch. i talked about lovin you a lot when i got hammered. we went to target, jc (jesus christ's?)pennys, and 'hot topic' and we were pretty much assaulted with so much kindess and compassion (not just in the form of free refills) that i decided michiganies are like your favorite aunt. only without the gardening.
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