Being mature sucks.
Damn. Well, I got one thing done off my list of things that I need to do.
I just wrote a four page letter to Jordan. I guess it's basically a "goodbye, I'm sorry for my behavior" letter. Before you ask, yes, I do have a lot to apologize to her for. She may have treated me a hell of a lot worse, but it's not like I was perfect. Even if I never hear from her again, at least I can walk away from this knowing that I've apologized and I don't owe her anything.
I know that I'll feel better by writing this to her, and sending it, but right now I just want to curl up and be held. I really should call SMA, but it's midnight, and she just spent the last three days with me, and she has to get up really early tomarrow. So I'm not going to, because as lonley and tired and hurting as I am, I'm proud of myself for getting through writing it on my own.
And my soul feels cleaner by doing this. I don't feel like I'm drowing in guilt anymore.
Funny tho, I cried more when I was writing the section in which I thank her for everything she did for me. Why is it always the good things that hurt more in the end?
I just wrote a four page letter to Jordan. I guess it's basically a "goodbye, I'm sorry for my behavior" letter. Before you ask, yes, I do have a lot to apologize to her for. She may have treated me a hell of a lot worse, but it's not like I was perfect. Even if I never hear from her again, at least I can walk away from this knowing that I've apologized and I don't owe her anything.
I know that I'll feel better by writing this to her, and sending it, but right now I just want to curl up and be held. I really should call SMA, but it's midnight, and she just spent the last three days with me, and she has to get up really early tomarrow. So I'm not going to, because as lonley and tired and hurting as I am, I'm proud of myself for getting through writing it on my own.
And my soul feels cleaner by doing this. I don't feel like I'm drowing in guilt anymore.
Funny tho, I cried more when I was writing the section in which I thank her for everything she did for me. Why is it always the good things that hurt more in the end?