Bands and memory, putting together another list in hopes of self-definition
sleep evades me
i've been awake for what i can only estimate to be at least 36 hours. I don't know why exactly i won't sleep. i just know i won't, i can't
it's 430 and i'm brewing myself tea and wondering how i'm going to get my thoughts down.
i've worked 9 straight days and have only now afforded myself a break for 2. I've been so wrapped up in Subway that everything has become secondary.
Something urges me to stay awake, i just don't know what. I keep getting the feeling it's the need i feel to continue my list, but i also feel now that i need to write something else for now.
it's weird to put words down because i don't know what i'm thinking. i feel like everything in my life is just prancing around me, but i'm not really there. i feel devoid of purpose and direction.
I thought writing the list would flow righ out of me, but every time i start i get really depressed. I feel as if i'm boasting about a life that i once had but is now completely nonexistent.
I don't feel like myself anymore. I don't know what myself is, actually. i've never been so unsure of myself in my life. I feel small, weak, and powerless to escape the grip of monotony which succumbs me.
It's the small things that rreally get to me, like not being able to answer basic questions about myself. At work a trainee was trying to be friendly because we share similar musical tastes (that being always turning the radio station from 89.9 to 106.1 and blaring it whenever possible). He asked me who som of my favourite bands were, and i was at a loss to say. Music has meant so much to me but i couldn't even come up with a top five. it's like the entire subject has escaped any and all concern for me; that this dreadful unknowing taps into every essence of my life.
Given time to reflect I would say I really like, in order of which came to mind first:
Nine Inch Nails,
Queens of the Stone Age,
Kyuss,
Jethro Tull,
Nirvana,
Del tha Funky Homosapien,
Immortal Technique,
The Doors,
Bob Dylan,
the Beatles, and separately George Harrison and John Lennon
Pearl Jam,
Rage Against the Machine,
Silverchair,
Siouxsie and the Banshees,
Portishead,
Sleater-Kinney,
The Donnie Darko Soundtrack,
Slipknot,
Sloan,
Thornley (and Big Wreck),
Tool,
Collective Soul,
Ani Difranco,
Eminem,
The Who,
The Offspring,
I Mother Earth (when edwin was in the band),
Depeche Mode,
Metallica (older stuff only),
The Rolling stones (same as previous),
Audioslave,
Soundgarden,
Alice in Chains,
Badly Drawn Boy,
Everlast,
Led Zeppelin,
Jimi Hendrix,
Obie Trice,
Our Lady Peace (old stuff only, again),
The Deftones,
Jesus Lizard,
Sonic Youth,
Patti Smith,
Moist,
James Brown,
Nelly Furtado, (record only, live she sucks)
My Chemical Romance,
some AFI,
The Dust brothers,
Beck,
The Chemical Brothers,
The Smashing Pumpkins (their harder stuff mostly),
Janis Joplin,
Blur,
John Frusciante,
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club,
(old) Korn,
The Grateful Dead,
The Guess Who,
The Artificial Joy Club,
A Perfect Circle,
Serial Joe,
Veruca Salt,
some Pink Floyd,
The Sex Pistols,
Garbage,
Blind Melon,
The Buzzcocks,
The Police,
The Clash,
Miles Davis,
The Gorrilaz,
Primus,
Melissa Auf Der Maur,
Incubus,
Bush,
The Distillers,
Finger Eleven,
Billy Talent,
Iggy Pop & the Stooges,
Tori Amos,
Aimee Mann,
30 Seconds to Mars,
Joy Division,
Yes,
The Velvet Underground,
The Damned,
(old) Green Day,
Rob Zombie,
David Bowie,
(old) Foo Fighters,
Cream,
The Yardbirds,
The Ministry,
Matthew Good (and his last band),
Weezer,
Holly McNarland,
(old) Econoline Crush,
Queen,
(some) Red Hot Chili Peppers,
Glueleg,
Stone Temple Pilots,
(some) Guns and Roses,
and i'm sure i'm forgetting a few bands/performers there. that list took me a good 2 hours to finish.i just can't for the life of me remember who.
That's what bugs me the most. To construct that list i had to scour my memory and my collection just to make sure i included most everybody. But when asked specifically, i'm left unable to respond. I just say I like a lot of music. Hardly suffices. Just getting all those bands down on paper almost makes me feel better. i've forgotten much of what i like, and the listing inspired me to go upon a dwl spree i have not seen in a long time. it almost feels like my interest in music (and collecting it and it's history) has finally been shaken from a long and dull stupor. I haven't had the desire to expand my collection in a long time, but i must have just added 400 songs to my library at least. And I know i'm forgetting someone. I just know it.
that makes me feel rejuvenated. i still am a bit worried I forgot someone very important or two, but to have that list a concrete thing instead of just a jumble of memories has been very very ... whats the word i'm looking for? recuperative for the soul.
as soon as i post this entry i will havea rush of bands come to me that i've forgotten. But its a start.
I apologize for the entirely introspective nature of this entry. If i bored you, or you disagree with many of my choices, well, fuck you, frankly.
this journal is going to be for me again either way.
But i do hope you enjoyed reading, and that you check out some bands you might not recognize. Or maybe just reflect inwardly what your list might look like. one thing i've learned from this is that it feels good to pretty much know every band i like. I don't know why, it just does. satisfies a certain craving for stencilling out what has defined me.
In high fidelity, the main character asks the question, "am i miserable because I listen to pop music, or do I listen to pop music because i'm miserable?"
I feel less miserable now.
i've been awake for what i can only estimate to be at least 36 hours. I don't know why exactly i won't sleep. i just know i won't, i can't
it's 430 and i'm brewing myself tea and wondering how i'm going to get my thoughts down.
i've worked 9 straight days and have only now afforded myself a break for 2. I've been so wrapped up in Subway that everything has become secondary.
Something urges me to stay awake, i just don't know what. I keep getting the feeling it's the need i feel to continue my list, but i also feel now that i need to write something else for now.
it's weird to put words down because i don't know what i'm thinking. i feel like everything in my life is just prancing around me, but i'm not really there. i feel devoid of purpose and direction.
I thought writing the list would flow righ out of me, but every time i start i get really depressed. I feel as if i'm boasting about a life that i once had but is now completely nonexistent.
I don't feel like myself anymore. I don't know what myself is, actually. i've never been so unsure of myself in my life. I feel small, weak, and powerless to escape the grip of monotony which succumbs me.
It's the small things that rreally get to me, like not being able to answer basic questions about myself. At work a trainee was trying to be friendly because we share similar musical tastes (that being always turning the radio station from 89.9 to 106.1 and blaring it whenever possible). He asked me who som of my favourite bands were, and i was at a loss to say. Music has meant so much to me but i couldn't even come up with a top five. it's like the entire subject has escaped any and all concern for me; that this dreadful unknowing taps into every essence of my life.
Given time to reflect I would say I really like, in order of which came to mind first:
Nine Inch Nails,
Queens of the Stone Age,
Kyuss,
Jethro Tull,
Nirvana,
Del tha Funky Homosapien,
Immortal Technique,
The Doors,
Bob Dylan,
the Beatles, and separately George Harrison and John Lennon
Pearl Jam,
Rage Against the Machine,
Silverchair,
Siouxsie and the Banshees,
Portishead,
Sleater-Kinney,
The Donnie Darko Soundtrack,
Slipknot,
Sloan,
Thornley (and Big Wreck),
Tool,
Collective Soul,
Ani Difranco,
Eminem,
The Who,
The Offspring,
I Mother Earth (when edwin was in the band),
Depeche Mode,
Metallica (older stuff only),
The Rolling stones (same as previous),
Audioslave,
Soundgarden,
Alice in Chains,
Badly Drawn Boy,
Everlast,
Led Zeppelin,
Jimi Hendrix,
Obie Trice,
Our Lady Peace (old stuff only, again),
The Deftones,
Jesus Lizard,
Sonic Youth,
Patti Smith,
Moist,
James Brown,
Nelly Furtado, (record only, live she sucks)
My Chemical Romance,
some AFI,
The Dust brothers,
Beck,
The Chemical Brothers,
The Smashing Pumpkins (their harder stuff mostly),
Janis Joplin,
Blur,
John Frusciante,
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club,
(old) Korn,
The Grateful Dead,
The Guess Who,
The Artificial Joy Club,
A Perfect Circle,
Serial Joe,
Veruca Salt,
some Pink Floyd,
The Sex Pistols,
Garbage,
Blind Melon,
The Buzzcocks,
The Police,
The Clash,
Miles Davis,
The Gorrilaz,
Primus,
Melissa Auf Der Maur,
Incubus,
Bush,
The Distillers,
Finger Eleven,
Billy Talent,
Iggy Pop & the Stooges,
Tori Amos,
Aimee Mann,
30 Seconds to Mars,
Joy Division,
Yes,
The Velvet Underground,
The Damned,
(old) Green Day,
Rob Zombie,
David Bowie,
(old) Foo Fighters,
Cream,
The Yardbirds,
The Ministry,
Matthew Good (and his last band),
Weezer,
Holly McNarland,
(old) Econoline Crush,
Queen,
(some) Red Hot Chili Peppers,
Glueleg,
Stone Temple Pilots,
(some) Guns and Roses,
and i'm sure i'm forgetting a few bands/performers there. that list took me a good 2 hours to finish.i just can't for the life of me remember who.
That's what bugs me the most. To construct that list i had to scour my memory and my collection just to make sure i included most everybody. But when asked specifically, i'm left unable to respond. I just say I like a lot of music. Hardly suffices. Just getting all those bands down on paper almost makes me feel better. i've forgotten much of what i like, and the listing inspired me to go upon a dwl spree i have not seen in a long time. it almost feels like my interest in music (and collecting it and it's history) has finally been shaken from a long and dull stupor. I haven't had the desire to expand my collection in a long time, but i must have just added 400 songs to my library at least. And I know i'm forgetting someone. I just know it.
that makes me feel rejuvenated. i still am a bit worried I forgot someone very important or two, but to have that list a concrete thing instead of just a jumble of memories has been very very ... whats the word i'm looking for? recuperative for the soul.
as soon as i post this entry i will havea rush of bands come to me that i've forgotten. But its a start.
I apologize for the entirely introspective nature of this entry. If i bored you, or you disagree with many of my choices, well, fuck you, frankly.
this journal is going to be for me again either way.
But i do hope you enjoyed reading, and that you check out some bands you might not recognize. Or maybe just reflect inwardly what your list might look like. one thing i've learned from this is that it feels good to pretty much know every band i like. I don't know why, it just does. satisfies a certain craving for stencilling out what has defined me.
In high fidelity, the main character asks the question, "am i miserable because I listen to pop music, or do I listen to pop music because i'm miserable?"
I feel less miserable now.